I am so concerned about DS education

[Anonymous]

My ds is in 7th grade. He has severe ADHD, plus dysgraphia, a visual processing disorder and anxiety. He is very resistant to doing work. In the past PDA has been mentioned. He is also extremely quirky.
He went to public school for elementary with an IEP. We advocated a lot for him and it was still a disaster. School refusal was common and he wanted to being badly bullied. We decided against public school for middle. We enrolled him in a private school and I think he’s learning very little. He hasn’t read a book or done a science project the whole time he’s been there.
We aren’t sending him back there for 8th grade. I don’t want to send him to our town’s middle school for 8th grade. It’s a terrible middle school and he would be back with the bullies.
My plan was to homeschool for 8th grade and then enroll him in public for high school. The high school would be a large regional and would be some of the old kids mixed with new kids. Of course, we would set him up for IEP testing beforehand and advocate for what he needs.
A friend got in my ear this weekend about how this is too many transitions for him and a recipe for disaster. I don’t really know what to do though. I’m trying to play the cards that we are currently dealt to the best of my ability. She suggested keeping him at his current school for one more year. But, I don’t believe he’s learning much and I can’t justify wasting more time and money there.

[Anonymous]

If you homeschool him, I think you have to go in with the mindset that there is a possibility that that will continue through high school. He may do really well in a homeschool environment. I also think the transition from home school to a large regional high school probably won't go well.

So if you can pull him out and homeschool and accept that you may be doing it for the next 5 years, I would go that route.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

So if you can pull him out and homeschool and accept that you may be doing it for the next 5 years, I would go that route.

I have considered this and I’m ok with it. Right now, he says he wants to go to the regional for HS. If we try it, I will make sure he has an IEP and is in a small classroom environment.

I am fine with homeschooling. My
only concern is the social aspect. I don’t want him to be isolated.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you don't want to make the leap to full-scale special education but that's where I'd look. There are schools for kids with mental health issues, programs within schools for various issues. If you can pay for private you should look at the MAnsef list or SN-lite schools like Mclean or Diener.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you don't want to make the leap to full-scale special education but that's where I'd look. There are schools for kids with mental health issues, programs within schools for various issues. If you can pay for private you should look at the MAnsef list or SN-lite schools like Mclean or Diener.

We tried to get him into an out of district placement and filed for due process when he was in elementary. When that didn’t work out we sent him to a private that was for special needs, but he wasn’t being pushed to do anything. I want him to be accommodated but I also want him somewhere that will motivate and push him, not let him get away with doing next to nothing

[Anonymous]

I think a different private for students with learning dinferences would be something to consider.

[Anonymous]

Are you really able to full-time home school him? Are you a SAHM with some background in this? It seems like a lot for 8th grade with 2 learning issues, plus ADHD.

As for your concerns with socializing, it won’t be easy but there are plenty of ways to give him a social outlet. Community theatre, rec sports, county park & rec classes, even volunteering.

Good luck. I’m pretty’s sensitive to too many moves (and think people around here change schools way too frequently) but this seems like a good solution for you.

What does he think?

[Anonymous]

Finish this year where he is but change it up. Be a huge support and nudge at home. Read with him. Bark at him to complete work and incentivize him to do so. The school year is almost over. Then depending how the next 9 weeks end up, then decide whether you want to homeschool for 8th.

[Anonymous]

How is the private school going socially? Does he do any social activities outside of school?

I wouldn’t worry too much about the social dynamic of elementary school repeating itself in high school. Friend groups change so much over the course of middle school and will likely change again in high school. Unless you are very unlucky, his bullies have moved on.

Honestly, I know your friend means well, but I would trust your gut on this. You and your co-parent (if they exist) know your kid better than anyone. Also, make sure you actually have your kid’s buy-in as they get older.

[Anonymous]

Have you considered what your longer term plan is? Are you thinking college? A trade? What sort of track for HS? Figuring that out might help guide you with respect to your decision for next year.

Also the small classroom environment you are hoping for in HS might not actually be an option no matter how good of an advocate you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ds is in 7th grade. He has severe ADHD, plus dysgraphia, a visual processing disorder and anxiety. He is very resistant to doing work. In the past PDA has been mentioned. He is also extremely quirky.
He went to public school for elementary with an IEP. We advocated a lot for him and it was still a disaster. School refusal was common and he wanted to being badly bullied. We decided against public school for middle. We enrolled him in a private school and I think he’s learning very little. He hasn’t read a book or done a science project the whole time he’s been there.
We aren’t sending him back there for 8th grade. I don’t want to send him to our town’s middle school for 8th grade. It’s a terrible middle school and he would be back with the bullies.
My plan was to homeschool for 8th grade and then enroll him in public for high school. The high school would be a large regional and would be some of the old kids mixed with new kids. Of course, we would set him up for IEP testing beforehand and advocate for what he needs.
A friend got in my ear this weekend about how this is too many transitions for him and a recipe for disaster. I don’t really know what to do though. I’m trying to play the cards that we are currently dealt to the best of my ability. She suggested keeping him at his current school for one more year. But, I don’t believe he’s learning much and I can’t justify wasting more time and money there.

If you can successfully ccessfully support his education it may be best that you begin now with getting him to read books and do science projects at home on the weekends. Pda is extremely difficult. I would be very hesitant about adding that burden to my own load.

I also have a son with pda. He was resistant to learning beginning in mid elementary. Also bullied. Once an avid reader and early learner, he eventually just gave up. He's now in a non competitive college. Along the way he is learning that perhaps it is in his best interest to put more effort in to learning. We are also dealing with some of the medical problems that may have been making learning more difficult, such as vitamin d, iron, having "adhd eyes," which is convergent insufficiency, and allergies.

It may be that your son will become a late bloomer. It may be that your son will find success in the trades. It's too soon to know, but unless you are sure you will be successful in home schooling, I wouldn't sign up for it

[Anonymous]

Homeschooling for a school avoidant child could be a disaster. You are teaching him that school is something that should be avoided. By letting him stay home next year, you will undo all the work you've done to get him used to a morning routine and leaving the house each day. When he's resistant to doing the work you assign him, what will you do? How will you keep that from hurting your parent child relationship?

[Anonymous]

Op here to answer people’s questions. My son wants to homeschool next year. He isn’t happy at his school now. He also wants to go to the public HS. But, I agree we should see how homeschooling goes and make decisions from there.

He does have a couple of friends. One is a neighbor who he knows from elementary school. The other is a homeschooled kid from an art class he has been taking for years. I will also say that I am planning to outsource some of the homeschooling. I don’t feel qualified to teach math or a foreign language. So, I will get tutors for that. We’ve had so many struggles with school that I really do want to give homeschooling a try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you don't want to make the leap to full-scale special education but that's where I'd look. There are schools for kids with mental health issues, programs within schools for various issues. If you can pay for private you should look at the MAnsef list or SN-lite schools like Mclean or Diener.

We tried to get him into an out of district placement and filed for due process when he was in elementary. When that didn’t work out we sent him to a private that was for special needs, but he wasn’t being pushed to do anything. I want him to be accommodated but I also want him somewhere that will motivate and push him, not let him get away with doing next to nothing

Harbour School. This is exactly what you want.

[Anonymous]

I'll offer my two cents with the caveat that I'm really struggling with my SN children and don't have the answers.

How's your DS doing socially? If he's ok socially then I would leave him where he is. Yes transitions are hard. I've seen a lot of SN kids really regress with homeschooling and the COVID school closures. I would only homeschool if all other options have bullying.

Bullying is really hard on a kid's self esteem. Social isolation is terrible for their mental health. If the current school is ok socially or at least free from bullying, then I would supplement at home or via a tutor. The next step is to look for ways for your son to make a friend at his maturity level who they get along with. Even one friend is worlds apart from zero friends.

Good luck and hugs to you and your DS.