how would you tell a friend that she may have post partum depression?

[Anonymous]

This is a very sensitve topic and one that I do not take lightly. A good friend of mine recently had a baby and now seems to be showing many signs of PPD. I am wondering if anyone has been in this situation and has any ideas on tactfully adressing the problem. Or is this something so taboo and sensitive it is better to not say anything?

[Anonymous]

I don't think saying nothing accomplishes anything. Maybe pull together some resources and say that she doesn't seem herself and that you are concerned. Or talk to her husband if you have a relationship there.

Good luck, you are a good friend!

[Anonymous]

I had PPD. Everyone around me was saying it will go away, just suck it up. In our culture it's a part of motherhood. No one treats it. I wish someone told me that it was POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION and I needed a professional help. Eventually, it did go away but the first year of my baby was one of the worst ones in my life. I did not hurt my baby I loved my child but there was no joy.

[Anonymous]

Just do it with compassion, but DO IT. I wish someone had told me. Might also help to give your friend info on the topic. I didn't realize I had it because I didn't recognize the signs. I had a lot of insomnia, anxiety, lost a ton of weight, could not concentrate to save my life. It wasn't until I was crying all the time that I saw it for what it was, but by then it was severe and had taken a serious toll on my marriage and my career.

You are a good friend!

[Anonymous]

Yes, you should bring it up. Tell her "I'm concerned about you. You don't seem like yourself. You seem like you are suffering. I think it might be possible you have symptoms of PPD. If so, you don't have to struggle through alone."

Ask if she needs help calling her doctor; also talk to her spouse and or parents if they are around and seem useful and to have a good relationship with her.

[Anonymous]

I would want someone to tell me if they thought I had it. I don't think it's so taboo or hurtful that you couldn't say it to someone in person, in private. They can always dismiss your concerns. If they react badly, then just don't bring it up again. I'd be prepared with concrete reasons why you think this ("you don't seem happy") and maybe the story of another person who had issues with that, ESPECIALLY if that person was you. I think a lot of mothers get the baby blues to an extent, and I have friends who've found it helpful to know that a lot of moms are not 100,000% excited about every single facet of motherhood and that it can be hard. I think we worry about complaining because we're supposed to be so g*ddamn happy just to have a baby, no matter the circumstances, because there are women who want them and can't have them. (the motherhood equivalent of being forced to eat brussel sprouts and pretend to like them because there are starving kids in Ethiopia.) it can be frowned-upon to admit that even though we've gotten something we always wanted, it's still not the solution to all of life's problems.

good luck.

[Anonymous]

Do you mean she seems tired and a little sad? Or do you mean you are afraid she is so sad, she can't care for her baby? If it is going into the dangerous category, I'd talk with her husband and then try to talk to her immediatly.

If it is just "the blues", I'd first start by offering to help her more and trying to be around her more. Having a baby can be very isolating. And it is exhausting. I think it's natural for moms to be a bit blue at times. But if she is saying she feels sad (or upset, or blue) then I would mention "you know a lot of moms get PPD, maybe you should talk to your doctor."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you should bring it up. Tell her "I'm concerned about you. You don't seem like yourself. You seem like you are suffering. I think it might be possible you have symptoms of PPD. If so, you don't have to struggle through alone."

Ask if she needs help calling her doctor; also talk to her spouse and or parents if they are around and seem useful and to have a good relationship with her.

Something like this. I haven't had to deal with a friend with PPD, but I had a friend who returned from Iraq with PTSD. It was hard, but guiding her towards therapy was huge. It took her months before she realized "wow, i feel like me again. I was really messed up, wasn't I?".

[Anonymous]

OP what are her symptoms?
I don't think PPD is a taboo at all and I can't imagine why it would not be OK to bring it up.

[Anonymous]

Like another poster, when I had it I wish someone had brought it up. Everyone kept talking about how in love they were with their newborn, how magical a time it was, blah blah blah. Finally my mother said "You know, it's perfectly natural to have some negative feelings right now" and I just let loose and wailed.

I would say something personal and empathetic like "This can be a very difficult time, I know I was completely kaflooey...how are you doing?"

[Anonymous]

www.jennyslight.org. A great resource and a great organization, born of an awful tragedy. Knew the family.

[Anonymous]

If she is a good friend, you probably have some idea how receptive she would be to hearing about this from you. Take that as your cue whether to talk to her directly. If you don't feel like your relationship is one where she would be comfortable talking to you, please talk to her husband, mother or someone else about your concerns and let them raise it with her. She should see her doctor - could be PPD, but thyroid problems are common PP and can have similar symptoms.