Ex is unhinged but doesn't realize it and blames everything on me

[Anonymous]

Ex has diagnosed ADHD, likely ASD undiagnosed. Had a terrible habit of blaming everything on me. If something happens at work it's my fault because I moved the shoes from being a tripping hazard to the shoe cabinet and they were late because they couldn't find the shoes. If they couldn't meet a deadline it's my fault because of something. If they had a fight with a sibling it's my fault because of something unless. Unfortunately we share a child and now anything that goes wrong regarding their child, their relationship with said child or anything else like that is still my fault.

It is really psychologically damaging to be yelled at every day for years that everything is my fault. What can I do to make the co-parenting transition smoother? Would an app make it so we don't need to talk ever?

[Anonymous]

Just tune them out. You know the broken record. Just ignore. Don't react.

[Anonymous]

It isn’t a day on DCUM without a post from someone who dislikes their ex/spouse and wants to blame their own inability to handle the situation on the person having or potentially having ADHD and/or ASD.

OP, get therapy and deal with your own part in the toxicity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ex has diagnosed ADHD, likely ASD undiagnosed. Had a terrible habit of blaming everything on me.

Playing devil's advocate here, but it sounds like you might "unhinged", whatever that means, and are blaming everything on him?

It's easy to see faults in others, but more difficult to notice or acknowledge our own faults.

[Anonymous]

This is my ex too. Everything’s bad that happens is my fault, even though we’ve been divorced 10 years and I try to have minimal but polite contact only related to our dcs. I’m heads above him as a parent and our kids are overall very good kids mostly thanks to my stable parenting, but any blip with our kids is because I’m a terrible person and parent. Just got off a group call related to school for our youngest dc and he managed to insult me in front of everyone several times.

I just ignore and feel sorry for him, and feel happy I’ve moved on. But yeah, it sucks. I’m
Sorry

[Anonymous]

Are you bird nesting? You have way too much involvement in your ex’s life.

Move out. Physically separate. Only talk about things related to your shared children. His siblings, his work, his life is none of your business.

[Anonymous]

Use our family wizard. Court approved just in case

[Anonymous]

That sounds draining and tiresome. My ex also had a problem with being unable to accept blame and instead putting it on me.

Make sure you don’t care what he thinks, and try to reduce any emotional impact it has on you. Then make sure you have some set phrases to use in response, not to escalate things but to just refuse to accept the pile of dung he is trying to dump on you. Use those responses over and over. Minimize communication with him to only what is absolutely essential. Think of him as a tantruming child in those moment. Remind yourself to be glad you are divorced and remind yourself that one day your child will be an adult and at that point you don’t have to have any communication with your ex whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

You should not be nesting or sharing physical space with your ex. It's obviously not working

[Anonymous]

Apps are annoying to me but try to make it just communicate in text. Have them pick the child up from school/return them there so you don't have to see him. You need to work on your own self regulation to not let him bother your peace. Try the book 'Revolution from Within' it helped me when I was feeling like you. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

How exhausting
Why are you entertaining this from your ex ?
Why do you two live together? Go get your own place .

[Anonymous]

Why are you moving stuff in their house?

[Anonymous]

Is there a reason you and your family ex live together?