In this day and age, are you comfortable with Youth Group?

[Anonymous]

I had some of my best memories at youth group, but I’ve heard so many horror stories of inappropriate behavior from adults involved on the news. We’re very involved in church and as my kids get closer to teen years, I’m torn about it but don’t want to be a mean mom! Am I being over dramatic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had some of my best memories at youth group, but I’ve heard so many horror stories of inappropriate behavior from adults involved on the news. We’re very involved in church and as my kids get closer to teen years, I’m torn about it but don’t want to be a mean mom! Am I being over dramatic?

If you have reason to think that youth group leaders at your particular church are creeps? Have any ever been reported? Do you trust your pastor?

Don't be swayed by what you hear on "the news." They report only the bad cases.

[Anonymous]

You should ask what your church's safety plan is. A responsible church will have two unrelated adults chaperoning events, no kid is alone with an adult ever.

Also both you and your church should be talking to the kids about personal safety, who to tell if something makes them uncomfortable, looking out for each other, etc.

I think youth groups are great but PP's idea that it's all fine until somebody is reported is obviously wrong. The prevention should be built in.

[Anonymous]

No, I wouldn’t be comfortable with any group that’s proselytizing to my child.

[Anonymous]

Not anymore - predatory behavior from leader and other youth. Also, there is so much bullying and no one does anything.

[Anonymous]

Kids made out and did some deeds at my sister's Methodist youth group's retreats in the 1980s.

People assume that religious kids are going to be better behaved, but I certainly don't think so.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you're being dramatic. If you have hesitations or think something's not right about the youth leaders at your church, perhaps there's a good reason? Good for you for doing your research beforehand.

[Anonymous]

I had issues with this when my eldest started youth group. Everyone knew everyone else so well that folks got very comfortable and the rules weren't always enforced. More than once I asked where the second adult was and stayed at the event until they showed. Ask your church what rules they follow to keep kids safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had some of my best memories at youth group, but I’ve heard so many horror stories of inappropriate behavior from adults involved on the news. We’re very involved in church and as my kids get closer to teen years, I’m torn about it but don’t want to be a mean mom! Am I being over dramatic?

If you have reason to think that youth group leaders at your particular church are creeps? Have any ever been reported? Do you trust your pastor?

Don't be swayed by what you hear on "the news." They report only the bad cases.

Most cases never make the news though, or they are reported too late to prevent future abuse. The minister who was sexually abusing kids at my church in the 90s didn't make the news until just a few years ago, when he was in his 80s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I wouldn’t be comfortable with any group that’s proselytizing to my child.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should ask what your church's safety plan is. A responsible church will have two unrelated adults chaperoning events, no kid is alone with an adult ever.

Also both you and your church should be talking to the kids about personal safety, who to tell if something makes them uncomfortable, looking out for each other, etc.

I think youth groups are great but PP's idea that it's all fine until somebody is reported is obviously wrong. The prevention should be built in.

This, OP.

We have a fantastic and active youth group at our church that my teens love. There is a detailed safety plan in place regarding interactions between students and adults, and a list of rules about open doors, two adults together at one time, etc. Ask about that. If you're happy with the answer, and you like and trust your church, you're fine. Or, as fine as your kids would be anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Definitely ask questions about safety - when the kids joined the parents attended an informational meeting that discussed things like adults and kids not being alone, sleeping arrangements for overnight events etc. And prepare your kids like I’m assuming you have done all along - consent, speaking up, not being alone, adults shouldn’t try to be your friend etc.

Things happen (my own youth group from years ago hit the news in recent years) but that doesn’t mean you should avoid it completely. Things also happen at camps, schools, teams, friends houses…and you can’t look over their shoulders every second.

[Anonymous]

My church (Episcopal) is extremely strict about training and safety rules. Much more so than the evangelical church I grew up in.

With any activity involving children, I think you can’t make any blanket statements. You have to look at each organization, their policies, and how well they follow them. If you notice laxity on the safety rules, even if it seems harmless, I would at the very least be sure I was volunteering to help out and keep a closer eye on things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had some of my best memories at youth group, but I’ve heard so many horror stories of inappropriate behavior from adults involved on the news. We’re very involved in church and as my kids get closer to teen years, I’m torn about it but don’t want to be a mean mom! Am I being over dramatic?

i

lol no

Church youth pastors are abusers not drag queens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should ask what your church's safety plan is. A responsible church will have two unrelated adults chaperoning events, no kid is alone with an adult ever.

Also both you and your church should be talking to the kids about personal safety, who to tell if something makes them uncomfortable, looking out for each other, etc.

I think youth groups are great but PP's idea that it's all fine until somebody is reported is obviously wrong. The prevention should be built in.

+1 Also, annual or every other year mandatory trainings about safety’s, quizzes on safety to be a volunteer, reporting structures, and yearly security checks. The churches and youth groups need layers of protection to make it very challenging for pedophiles to be a part of it. Also, you should volunteer and get to know the leaders a little.