Man marrying into a rich family

[Anonymous]

I have a question about how this works in practice for uber-wealthy family. When a man marries the daughter in a very, very rich family (like CEO of a Fortune 500 company), how "lucky" financially is this man? Or is it structured so that there is only shared money between what he and the wife make during the money, and that any inheritance will go to the wife/kids? So in other words, while his life will of course be monumentally different and probably help with down payments or buying them a house, the majority of the wealth will be structured so that it belongs to the daughter and not the man marrying into the family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a question about how this works in practice for uber-wealthy family. When a man marries the daughter in a very, very rich family (like CEO of a Fortune 500 company), how "lucky" financially is this man? Or is it structured so that there is only shared money between what he and the wife make during the money, and that any inheritance will go to the wife/kids? So in other words, while his life will of course be monumentally different and probably help with down payments or buying them a house, the majority of the wealth will be structured so that it belongs to the daughter and not the man marrying into the family?

Correct.

When a woman marries into a wealthy family (or marries a wealthy man) sometimes they can do a deal to be paid X amount/year, and receive X amount for certain milestones in the marriage. The hard part, especially for women (who when married to this type of guy) is that they frequently are SAHM and are not earning their own income and retirement. Frankly, I don't think it's an ideal set up not matter what.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a question about how this works in practice for uber-wealthy family. When a man marries the daughter in a very, very rich family (like CEO of a Fortune 500 company), how "lucky" financially is this man? Or is it structured so that there is only shared money between what he and the wife make during the money, and that any inheritance will go to the wife/kids? So in other words, while his life will of course be monumentally different and probably help with down payments or buying them a house, the majority of the wealth will be structured so that it belongs to the daughter and not the man marrying into the family?

Correct.

When a woman marries into a wealthy family (or marries a wealthy man) sometimes they can do a deal to be paid X amount/year, and receive X amount for certain milestones in the marriage. The hard part, especially for women (who when married to this type of guy) is that they frequently are SAHM and are not earning their own income and retirement. Frankly, I don't think it's an ideal set up not matter what.

^^^
As a male or female, people who try to do this look like gold diggers, when in reality they are just trying to secure their future.

[Anonymous]

I have a relative who married into a wealthy family but it was a medium sized company. He eventually became CFO and took over while his wife stayed home.

[Anonymous]

So really it isn't as good of a deal as it may seem to others. Because you ultimately don't really have access to the family money (absent a deal for milestones). And for a man, is it unlikely to have the milestone type agreements? I imagine the daughter would want to continue the lifestyle she is used to, so the family would help with houses etc. But then is the house still in the family's name, etc? So the husband can "enjoy" the lifestyle - but like he's renting it and not ever having true access to it (although his children would)? Also seems strange that your children would have insane amounts of money but their father is, in effect, a normal salary person.

[Anonymous]

So when someone "marries well," is that really someone who met someone who may not have necessarily come from a rich family (or even if they did), they make a large salary themselves (that would be joint property assuming no prenup) as opposed to someone marrying into a rich family where the husband/wife is not the one that made the money but is a trust fund husband/wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So really it isn't as good of a deal as it may seem to others. Because you ultimately don't really have access to the family money (absent a deal for milestones). And for a man, is it unlikely to have the milestone type agreements? I imagine the daughter would want to continue the lifestyle she is used to, so the family would help with houses etc. But then is the house still in the family's name, etc? So the husband can "enjoy" the lifestyle - but like he's renting it and not ever having true access to it (although his children would)? Also seems strange that your children would have insane amounts of money but their father is, in effect, a normal salary person.

This. We are fairly well off. Any man who marries my girl needs to earn his keep so to speak. If he cannot earn $$, then he needs to help out the family possible, be a good man, husband, and father. That is all I require. As for the $$ inheritance, we will set up trust so that he does not get control of any of it. He may benefit but no control over pre-marital $$.

[Anonymous]

Super interesting. Thank you for this context. I know I'm just being nosey, but it's something I've always sort of wondered about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So really it isn't as good of a deal as it may seem to others. Because you ultimately don't really have access to the family money (absent a deal for milestones). And for a man, is it unlikely to have the milestone type agreements? I imagine the daughter would want to continue the lifestyle she is used to, so the family would help with houses etc. But then is the house still in the family's name, etc? So the husband can "enjoy" the lifestyle - but like he's renting it and not ever having true access to it (although his children would)? Also seems strange that your children would have insane amounts of money but their father is, in effect, a normal salary person.

Yes. This is how it is with both SILs and DILs in our family. We offer significant help to the spouses if they choose to take it--more education, money to start businesses if they can present a viable plan and allow oversight--but many over the generations haven't taken advantage of that. They don't want to be indebted, but they also want the lifestyle handed to them.

[Anonymous]

So the true "perk" of marrying rich is it allows you the opportunities (like education or capital potentially for a startup) or the potential to get a great job and advance perhaps quicker than others given the in law is the CEO, etc. So even if your life is "easier" now and you have a leg up (if you work for your in laws company), you are, in effect, earning your own money. So it gives you access to potential, but not the direct handout.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So the true "perk" of marrying rich is it allows you the opportunities (like education or capital potentially for a startup) or the potential to get a great job and advance perhaps quicker than others given the in law is the CEO, etc. So even if your life is "easier" now and you have a leg up (if you work for your in laws company), you are, in effect, earning your own money. So it gives you access to potential, but not the direct handout.

This is OP btw. I was just summarizing, but meant this more as a question.

[Anonymous]

Yes. One of my girlfriends married into a very wealthy family. The family’s wealth certainly gives her day to day access to resources that make her life easier and helps her advance her own career — homes, Nannies, housekeepers, luxury travel, networking, and travel planners on call. She never has to worry about cost of private schools or ability for kids to get into top ivies (family has made large donations to HYP). This has helped her maintain a high powered exec career and build her own resources.

However it is clear that these are the family’s resources and not her own to control. For example — the family charges for use of the vacation homes when she’s there without husband or kids. The homes are fully staffed luxe properties so maybe that makes sense to manage use across a large family…

[Anonymous]

When you marry for money, you earn every penny.

[Anonymous]

What other posters are saying is true. He likely won’t ever get direct handouts, but life is easier while he stays married to her. If they are smart it would not be a lucrative divorce for him either

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. One of my girlfriends married into a very wealthy family. The family’s wealth certainly gives her day to day access to resources that make her life easier and helps her advance her own career — homes, Nannies, housekeepers, luxury travel, networking, and travel planners on call. She never has to worry about cost of private schools or ability for kids to get into top ivies (family has made large donations to HYP). This has helped her maintain a high powered exec career and build her own resources.

However it is clear that these are the family’s resources and not her own to control. For example — the family charges for use of the vacation homes when she’s there without husband or kids. The homes are fully staffed luxe properties so maybe that makes sense to manage use across a large family…

These days rich people rent out their vacation homes to friends and celebrities for whopping sums per night. Their yachts also.

I once saw JK Rowling/Johnny Depp's former yacht in Newport, RI. Beautiful boat. I looked up to see whose it was at that time. Believe JK bought it after renting it. When I saw it docked, it was owned by a non-celebrity and was rentable at an enormous sum per day. Probably in town to watch July 4th fireworks from the harbor.