I feel overwhelmed

[Anonymous]

by my kids, my job, chores, having to constantly be in charge of family gatherings, my parents coming to visit, all the college stuff, graduation stuff...I am not doing more than the average mom out there but I am at a point of burn out. How do I overcome this in my head? Nobody will help more than they do which is not a lot (aside from dh). At this point it's not so much about outsourcing this or that task as much as about the general overwhelm of all the things. I used to love painting and walking and I find myself with no energy to do either.

[Anonymous]

So, you're about to be an empty nester with no major life crisis, like no major medical issue, divorce, death, job loss, home destruction? It's gonna be alright. You are almost at finish line.

[Anonymous]

Instead of all these chores rolling around in your brain, make a to do list including a timeframe. Do you have a senior? They should be able to help with college details and graduation stuff. Cancel any family gathering for the foreseeable future. Not important. If it’s Easter dinner, meet at a restaurant for brunch. Simplify.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Instead of all these chores rolling around in your brain, make a to do list including a timeframe. Do you have a senior? They should be able to help with college details and graduation stuff. Cancel any family gathering for the foreseeable future. Not important. If it’s Easter dinner, meet at a restaurant for brunch. Simplify.

I live by lists because otherwise I could not get things done. I can't seem to stop thinking about all the things and worrying about them.

[Anonymous]

So start saying no. You don't have to do anything. I do less than 3/4 of what you are doing, and no one is suffering. I'd say everyone loves it because I'm super chill, we aren't rushing or stressing over anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So start saying no. You don't have to do anything. I do less than 3/4 of what you are doing, and no one is suffering. I'd say everyone loves it because I'm super chill, we aren't rushing or stressing over anything.

Saying no is a wonderful thing. You do not need to be in charge of everything. If something doesn't get done, oh well, life goes on. If someone wants really wants something done they can do it themselves.

[Anonymous]

Keep muscling through. You're almost at the finish line!

[Anonymous]

Whether your kid is graduating from HS or college they are old enough to handle it. Tell them to pick a restaurant and make a reservation for the right number of people on the right day at a time that makes sense. If they don't do it, they don't get dinner out. If they don't deal with the cap and gown, they won't have one.

Send out an email saying you're not going to be throwing the annual Passover seder or Memorial Day bbq. Take things like that off your plate.

When I got overwhelmed at work, I would stay 45 minutes late each evening to catch up on things when it was quiet. It made a WORLD of difference.

[Anonymous]

Me too sister, me too. I’m the caretaker/financial medical everything for Mom in memory care who is declining so fast, my son has an ongoing medical issue we can’t figure out and we spent sat at the ER and now he needs an mri, a tree fell on our house and we had had to rip out ceilings and dry things out and redo walls and get a new roof, just found out my spouse will have to commute 4-5 days a week 90 miles away each way leaving me essentially solo parent during the week to two kids and I am doing three jobs and also just out that I won’t be able to fill the two positions on my team this year as I was promised when I started this job but I can’t leave because job market sucks and who knows what will happen with federal position. Can’t hire help because we now have to budget for commuting/studio apartment. I feel so overwhelmed that I just panic or procrastinate.

[Anonymous]

Keep painting and walking even if it's only for 5 minutes at a time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So start saying no. You don't have to do anything. I do less than 3/4 of what you are doing, and no one is suffering. I'd say everyone loves it because I'm super chill, we aren't rushing or stressing over anything.

Saying no is a wonderful thing. You do not need to be in charge of everything. If something doesn't get done, oh well, life goes on. If someone wants really wants something done they can do it themselves.

Absolutely this.

I love my spreadsheet but the real key is do less, say no. Long ago when I was in a similar frame of mind I asked an older friend who was so serene and who had kids that were turning out really well, “What am I doing wrong? I’m miserable and tired and I don’t know what more I can do.” And she told me to start saying no, and say it a lot. My reflexive response was, well I can’t say no because X won’t get done. OH WELL! You are really not doing yourself or your kids any favors by doing everything all the time. Eliminate some stuff. Rest more. Paint. Walk.

[Anonymous]

I hear ya sister. I'm working a FT and a PT job with an 11 yr old and 13 year old and I am burnt out. I barely have time to shower at night then it's wake up and do it all over again.