Telling teens you are dating after divorce

[Anonymous]

I know not to introduce someone I’m dating for several more months to see if it’s durable but I don’t want my dd15 to feel betrayed like I lied to her about my personal life. Do you tell older kids you’re seeing someone but otherwise keep it separate and chill?

[Anonymous]

I didn't until they asked. Dates were short when I had my kids. Walks, coffee, etc.

For months they just thought I was going to the grocery store, which of course I do often.

[Anonymous]

Good luck with that one. Teens hate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good luck with that one. Teens hate it.

Not always.

They're more likely to hate it if you bombard them with your SO and their kids.

[Anonymous]

So if they ask, how could I phrase it in a way that when I eventually introduce someone, or worse, they discover it on their own (more my fear) they aren’t totally shocked/betrayed. Any tips? I know it won’t be easy, just want to avoid making it worse than it has to be.

[Anonymous]

Has teen ever expressed an opinion about this?

Assuming the divorce was awhile ago, I would tell teen but volunteer very little information and generic (I am seeing someone) and then only answer questions. Do not keep updating or bring your dating drama into the teen's life. I wouldn't introduce unless teen wants it.

If divorce was recent, say nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good luck with that one. Teens hate it.

+1000 And it tends to hit daughters much harder. Sometimes long past the teen years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So if they ask, how could I phrase it in a way that when I eventually introduce someone, or worse, they discover it on their own (more my fear) they aren’t totally shocked/betrayed. Any tips? I know it won’t be easy, just want to avoid making it worse than it has to be.

Ideally, you should be able to be open and honest enough to just say you are casually seeing someone. The big unknown is how your former spouse will view it. Their opinion WILL influence your child and their reaction.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on how long you’ve been divorced and how it’s going, both for you and for your kid.

I would also just point out that teens aren’t wrong about this. Parental partners often suck for them.

[Anonymous]

I just said I was going out for a couple hours. When he asked if it was a date I said yes. He gave me dating safety advice I’d given him, it was cute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just said I was going out for a couple hours. When he asked if it was a date I said yes. He gave me dating safety advice I’d given him, it was cute.

Yup. It's typically much easier with boys.

[Anonymous]

My teens were always trying to fix me up with divorced dads! They were in charge of my dating life.

[Anonymous]

Teen daughters of dads are the worst. Dads need to be careful to not give the daughter any reason whatsoever to feel she's somehow replaced the mom at home. Otherwise, you end up with mini wife problems and they will reject any new women who could displace them. The girls will be the first to compare the new girlfriend to their mom, often out of loyalty to their mom. This is true even if years elapsed between when the parents split up.

[Anonymous]

I'm PP and I have dated divorced me with teen kids and even older kids. The teens would often call their dad when they knew we were together on a date and guilt trip them about choosing to spend time with a GF instead of them. One teen girl would beg her dad for Door Dash money or shopping money during these calls and he'd usually give in. The dad has to have extremely good boundaries with the kids for it to work.

[Anonymous]

it depends on whether your daughter was attached to your ex, if she was, she'll most likely be mad or thinking that you might replace her dad. I think it's better if you tell her than if she finds out. it also just depends on the kid.