Someone else said my mom has a temper!

[Anonymous]

This was soooo validating.

My mom said she didn’t remember yelling at anyone. That is also sooooo familiar. Anytime she yelled, she would “forget”—and this is not dementia because she did it my whole life.

Anyone else relate?

[Anonymous]

After my mother died, someone referred to her as being "gentle" and I nearly fell over. She was the most controlling, difficult and hard women I've ever met or heard of in real life.

Oh, and my mother claimed she didn't believe spanking, yet my brother and I both clearly remember her spanking us. Validation is really soothing.

[Anonymous]

Sadly, two of my closest friends have mothers who never praised them or said anything positive, just belittled and criticized them. One of them was frequently hit by her mother when she was little. Both of these women are amazing — the kind of woman most people would be so proud to have raised. Neither one gave their parents any trouble while growing up. They were well behaved, conscientious, responsible. I consider myself very lucky to have them in my life. They’re smart, funny, thoughtful, kind. It hurts my heart that their mothers didn’t (and still don’t) make them feel cherished for the special people they are.

One of them threw a graduation party for her child. Her boss (they’re friends) approached her and said that the woman on the other side of the room must be her mother. My friend said yes, did someone introduce you? Her boss said, no, when I arrived she was loudly criticizing the balloons and I just knew it had to be her.

You’re not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After my mother died, someone referred to her as being "gentle" and I nearly fell over. She was the most controlling, difficult and hard women I've ever met or heard of in real life.

Oh, and my mother claimed she didn't believe spanking, yet my brother and I both clearly remember her spanking us. Validation is really soothing.

I'm sorry that happened to you. OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sadly, two of my closest friends have mothers who never praised them or said anything positive, just belittled and criticized them. One of them was frequently hit by her mother when she was little. Both of these women are amazing — the kind of woman most people would be so proud to have raised. Neither one gave their parents any trouble while growing up. They were well behaved, conscientious, responsible. I consider myself very lucky to have them in my life. They’re smart, funny, thoughtful, kind. It hurts my heart that their mothers didn’t (and still don’t) make them feel cherished for the special people they are.

One of them threw a graduation party for her child. Her boss (they’re friends) approached her and said that the woman on the other side of the room must be her mother. My friend said yes, did someone introduce you? Her boss said, no, when I arrived she was loudly criticizing the balloons and I just knew it had to be her.

You’re not alone.

Oh, gosh. Yeah, when you see other people seeing them for who they are, it's liberating. Still sad, of course.

I'm glad to hear your friends turned out so well despite their difficult family life.

OP

[Anonymous]

My aunt slapped me when I was 16 and told me I was trash (she believes my father’s family is low class). That was part of a pattern of years of criticism and verbal abuse.

I’ve moved on because I understand that she is a stunted person, but it was incredibly validating to me when my uncles wife nonchalantly commented that my aunt was hard on me as a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My aunt slapped me when I was 16 and told me I was trash (she believes my father’s family is low class). That was part of a pattern of years of criticism and verbal abuse.

I’ve moved on because I understand that she is a stunted person, but it was incredibly validating to me when my uncles wife nonchalantly commented that my aunt was hard on me as a child.

Thank you for sharing this. I’m sorry your aunt treated you so badly.

[Anonymous]

Yes. My mom was similar. Terrible temper, highly critical, controlling, poor emotional regulations. She admitted that she was way harsh with my brother, but denied that she was ever harsh with me. Basically she acknowledged her blatant favoritism. But she definitely screamed at all of us, my dad included. Dad tolerated her verbal abuse and even enabled her because she was selfless and giving.

The most frustrating thing was that all my relatives glossed it over or straight out gaslit me. If I sought any solace from any of them, they'd scold me and tell me to respect my parents and heed their words. They all turned a blind eye.

After my mom died, a family friend remarked, your mom had a knife of a tongue but a heart of gold. That was the most apt description.

[Anonymous]

Yeah — it was validating when my friend said something similar.

[Anonymous]

I relate OP. I can't figure out if my mom used to have a wee bit of self-awareness and morality or if it was my dad, relatives and her friends who reigned her in. There was plenty of rage from her and plenty gaslighting growing up, but at least she occasionally felt remorse.

What's strangely satisfying is when someone in her good graces (she tends to split and see people as evil or angelic) experiences mom's wrath out of the blue. That same person who could not fathom a dark side finally understands.

For so many years I blamed myself even though I saw how irrational and moody she was. I still will find a way to blame myself, even though it's clear she is a rage-ahaulic who refuses to get help.