I love you

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend grew up in a family that didn’t express positive emotions verbally. He can’t recall his mom ever saying she loves him for instance. As an adult verbal affirmation makes him feel uncomfortable. He’s told me he loves me once, but can’t seem to say it again.

I miss hearing I love you from my partner.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for sharing.

[Anonymous]

Two thoughts. As long as his actions toward you indicate that he loves you, this is something that you may have to learn to live with. If his actions make you doubt whether he loves you, then no need to stay around.

Secondly, behaviors can be learned. My parents were immigrants from a culture that is very reserved in expressions of affection. They never said I love you or even hugged us when I was a kid. I initiated hugs and eventually, even my reticent father started hugging me.

[Anonymous]

Imo, him saying it, since he has said it once, is unimportant. Say it to him, a little less than you think is ideal, and if you don't make it an issue, over time he'll probably adjust and will say it. More, eventually. Don't evaluate this/make this a topic of conversation though. But btw, if you're analyzing his childhood - that could mean you're much more emotional than he is, so if it's important to you to analyze things, if could be you're not a good match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Imo, him saying it, since he has said it once, is unimportant. Say it to him, a little less than you think is ideal, and if you don't make it an issue, over time he'll probably adjust and will say it. More, eventually. Don't evaluate this/make this a topic of conversation though. But btw, if you're analyzing his childhood - that could mean you're much more emotional than he is, so if it's important to you to analyze things, if could be you're not a good match.

I did not analyze his childhood. He told me these things. His mother’s lack of affection actually bothers him so he speaks to me about it. He’s also acknowledged that it’s passed down to him and shows up in our relationship.

[Anonymous]

I'm quite sure my ILs never - or at least very very very rarely - said this to my husband. My mom was the opposite and says it every chance she gets, including to DH. He still tells me it every day.

[Anonymous]

My God who cares

[Anonymous]

When you tell him you miss hearing it, what does he say? IMO, they are just words. It's the actions that a person does that are far more important to me than the words they say. My college bf was an abusive jerk and told me he loved me multiple times a day.

However, if this is something that bothers you, I think he should make more of an effort to say it.

[Anonymous]

Can you “hear” it in other ways? If he loves you, it will manifest in a way stronger than just saying it.

Still, though, I’m sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm quite sure my ILs never - or at least very very very rarely - said this to my husband. My mom was the opposite and says it every chance she gets, including to DH. He still tells me it every day.

So what? Looks like OP’s husband had a different reaction to that than yours. What is your point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm quite sure my ILs never - or at least very very very rarely - said this to my husband. My mom was the opposite and says it every chance she gets, including to DH. He still tells me it every day.

So what? Looks like OP’s husband had a different reaction to that than yours. What is your point?

Just because you didn't grow up with it doesn't mean you can't ever change and grow as an adult.

[Anonymous]

Meh.

My DH has told me he loves me maybe 10 times in 22 years. Do I miss hearing it? Sure. But it isn't a big deal at all as he shows me every day. He went out last night to fill my car with gas when he noticed I only had two bars and he didn't want me to "have to pump gas in the cold" because he knows I hate it.

Much better for someone to be reticent about saying it but show it through actions all the time -- than say it all the time and never show it because they are a jerk and really don't.

[Anonymous]

I would just tell him I love him more frequently I think maybe you showing him emotion would make him more likely to reciprocate.