Big 3 (equivalent) vs Public Socially

[Anonymous]

My spouse and I are debating between sending our kids to public or private. We are in Arlington and the elementary school we’re zoned for has rave reviews and we’re both the successful product of DMV public schools and believe public school are just as good or better academically. Our neighborhood mostly goes to our local elementary. Realistically we’d only go to a top private school (not necessarily a big 3).

That being said are there social/developmental benefits to private? As we’ve gotten older, we’ve realized that having great friends has been more and more important. Also in business your connections are the biggest factor. Wed love to hear the thoughts of families in private. Let’s assume money is not a consideration.

[Anonymous]

Connections aren’t guaranteed. I went to a big three and don’t stay in touch with any classmates or other alumni, only went to one reunion (5th) and have had nothing to do with the school or any “network” since graduation. Other absolutely have stayed in touch and benefitted from it. It’s going to depend a lot on the kid, their personality, what they are interested in after graduation, and what direction their career and life goes in.

I would not choose a school based on perceived social benefits. Pick a school that best fits your kids’ needs.

[Anonymous]

Start in public and if that continues to work for your kid, great. We hit a wall academically and socially in late elementary school and moved to private. Kids are both now in college and are very close with the friends they made at their private school. Would they also still very close with friends had they continued at public? Probably…maybe…who knows.

[Anonymous]

As someone who went to private my whole life but my kids went to public, I would say the biggest thing I missed out on but my kids got was knowing your local community. Because private school kids are usually spread out, you don’t meet the neighbors and families in your immediate community. We are in DC where everyone could walk to the elementary school and it was night and day compared to my experience growing up in terms of both kids and adults knowing each other. There may be more cohesion if you will be in a school tied to a local church which you also attend. But, I recommend considering public elementary for this reason.

[Anonymous]

We did public elementary and private high school and kids are now in college.

They keep up with both groups (very closely actually) but the high school crowd was something of a social finishing school if you would. Lots of kids with highly connected families that have given my kids experiences that they otherwise would not have had, even in their DMV public school crowd (which was certainly not back woods either).

We didn't switch to private for the social benefit (at all) but there has been one.

[Anonymous]

I did public for elementary and private for high school

I feel public is more much socially. Get to know your neighbors and have your kids socialize with a larger socioeconomic range.

You learn different social skills in public vs private and both are valuable. I think public thru 8th and then private high school is the best combo socially.

[Anonymous]

If you're in an area with good public schools, your school peer network is also likely to be good. But I would think about those aspects as something to think about for college/grad school, and k-12 as an environment you want to be socially supportive rather than valubale for networking (the community aspect mentioned above would factor in here).

[Anonymous]

Private if you can afford it. Otherwise, if you can't... public.

[Anonymous]

OP, we’re in a wonderful close knit neighborhood so it sounds like it might be a mistake to give that up when the public elementary is highly rated and a 10 minute walk. Money is not a problem, we’re looking to retire early so worst case we’ll work a few more years to find private. We both have a STEM background and know people at most tech companies so it’s not a priority for our kid to have the best STEM education, we’d rather our kids learn leadership/social skills.

[Anonymous]

Public. If public works for your child, it's so much better socially because kids live in the neighborhood and can get together without as much adult support.

[Anonymous]

We've done private through 8th grade and live 30 minutes from the school. While the school and relationships have been wonderful, the distance is a daily drag and means our kid can't walk to/from school with others, can't pop over to a friend's house on a whim, etc. It is impactful. He has lots of good friends, but hurdles to hang out with them more often.

Oldest continued on to a Big 3 private which has been great. Youngest is waiting for decisions for 9th. One of the reasons we decided to keep oldest in private is the need to be surrounded by kids who are working hard. Of course you'll have this in public, as well, but there can be more variation. Our kid wasn't the kind of kid who would gravitate toward the 20% or 30% who were serious about academics. It has definitely worked. There's been a major turn around no heavy lifting on our part.

We're in bounds for a great public HS and we really want for our younger kid to finally be able to get to know friends in the neighborhood. He's also a STEM kid who independently works hard. So, for us it's kind of a no-brainer. But, he's eyeing a particular private. We're hoping in the next few weeks we'll be able to help him consider other factors.

I would also suggest public then switch to private. You'll have made good friends in the neighborhood and will likely know a lot more about your kids as learners by that point and can better make a decision which path will be the better fit.

[Anonymous]

It also depends on how your child is socially. A socially strong child can build strong friendships that provide a lifetime of support. However, for an awkward child, going to a Big3 might mean developing ann awkward that’s hard to shake. Sometimes it’s better to have a fresh start with no childhood connections after high school.

[Anonymous]

Just know APS doesn’t live up to its reputation. That said, there’s nothing that comes close to building a community of neighbors and friends. I’d say that’s more valuable than the academic advantages of private. Most kids will thrive any where and enrichment is very easily supplemented. Personally, we found Catholic k-8 to be the best of both worlds but I’d only recommend if you’re Catholic. Joining private high school is probably the way to go, though, even knowing there’s no college admissions advantage. But the better network, education and ability for the kids to create their own social life even if friends are more spread out make it worth it over APS’s good but huge high schools.

[Anonymous]

It is tricky. One can get lucky or unlucky socially at any school. Private schools usually have a smaller number of students per grade.

At any school, if one has a good cohort, longer lasting friendships can develop. If a bad cohort, then DC will have trouble finding and keeping friends.

[Anonymous]

We are an APS family that sent to Big3 for HS. We did not consider social connections as part of that decision. We were very happy with APS through MS and our child has done very well in HS, affirming that their ES and MS prepared them just fine. I think you underestimate the fanciness at YHS and W&L. We know several families that left, e.g., GDS or other private schools, for public or who have one sibling at Sidwell and one in APS/TJ. We are talking 22207 here and none of these were financially driven decisions but rather best fit for the child. Your child could go to Big 3 and end up befriending lots of 22207 kids, and what would be the point of that? I mean, there are some big big names but they are few and far between. Most Big3 families are law firm partner types and that’s not exactly earth shattering over here in Arlington. There are loads of reasons to send your kid to private, but thinking you are upgrading their social circle is, in my opinion, a really bad and probably misguided one.