How do I tell her I don’t want to buy dinner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you are sitting across the dinner table from a hungry kid and judging them is disgusting.

She’s feeding the kid across the table from her. I would say no to extra meals or stop inviting the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one has mentioned DS here. Does DS want to keep the friend as a friend? If so, keep paying (go to cheaper restaurants if you think it costs too much). $10-20 here or there isn't going to be missed twenty years from now. The child's memory of you as a friend's gracious mom will be there forever.

Turn the other cheek.

LOL! So generous with someone else’s money.

She said she can afford it and it’s not enough money to worry about.

And you chose not to read any further.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be very stressed too, OP. I might take him once a month but not every week. And then let him order extra food when he joined. Maybe that’s the only take out food the family ever gets? Maybe they are lacking overall nutrition.

I'm on this team.

Same!

[Anonymous]

I would limit him to one meal and see what happens. Chances are he was trying to get extra meals for himself without his mother's permission and that is why he didn't want you to talk to her. If he keeps coming along for meals after the activity, it means he was lying and you can decide whether to keep hosting him for dinner or make it family only.

[Anonymous]

Mom knows and if she was confused or did not agree she’d contact op. Op is not helping the child by not setting limits. She needs to say one meal and drink for $10 or what ever amount she sets. This kid needs to learn now or no one will want to be his friend or join their family. I’d limit taking him out to once a month and not weekly.

[Anonymous]

Is there a cultural issue here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kid may be making it up. I can’t imagine an adult thinking this is a good idea.

I can.

Op stop taking him to dinner

[Anonymous]

Are they the types to beg as a family at street corners?
If they are not that hard up, or not into that culture I would bet a month of meals that mom has no idea. A PP mentioned the insistent and occasionally scheming nature of 11 year olds and that has been my experience too. This woman is being judged and you have no idea if she has no clue. You need to meet her some way to get a clearer picture. I would find an excuse or better yet just inform the kid the we need to decrease these outings. There really is no need to investigate further if you believe him unless you have a suspicion this may be one of his limited sources for food.

[Anonymous]

I had a similar situation and I just bought the extra food (3 people). I didn’t usually buy the extra food at a restaurant but would swing through a drive through on the way home and pick them up fast food. They were happy wi th that. I think the child may have lied and said that is where we ate too.

I did it because I knew the kid had a really difficult life and the home situation wasn’t good at all. I wanted to stay on the parents good side so the child could spend as much time with us as possible. We started having the child to our house more and more to give them breaks from home. It was. Small price to pay to buy the child a bit of time away from home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be very stressed too, OP. I might take him once a month but not every week. And then let him order extra food when he joined. Maybe that’s the only take out food the family ever gets? Maybe they are lacking overall nutrition.

I'm on this team.

Same!

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be very stressed too, OP. I might take him once a month but not every week. And then let him order extra food when he joined. Maybe that’s the only take out food the family ever gets? Maybe they are lacking overall nutrition.

I'm on this team.

Same!

+2

Agreed. From a financial point of view, spend the four meals you’d give this child in a month at once basically. Same cost to you, keeps things calm with the family, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there a cultural issue here?

The culture of swindlers.

[Anonymous]

Probably an unpopular opinion, but I’m not sure I would want my child to be close friends with this child, and therefore would no longer invite them to dinner by saying we are just going home. There is a high likelihood this child is not friends with DS for the right reasons and will ditch DS for someone else when the money/food stop flowing his way. That would be painful down the line…

[Anonymous]

I would be concerned what this child is going to try to convince your child to do as they get older.... If your child is generous and has a good heart like you, this friend and their family will likely be taking advantage of your child. So that would be my main focus on helping my child identify boundaries and what to do when someone is crossing them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kid may be making it up. I can’t imagine an adult thinking this is a good idea.

This is true. His mother might be mortified if she knew. I would keep bringing him but seek out his mother. Ask him questions. How many siblings do you have? Have you lived where you are all the time? Some delicate way to ask about a father maybe? You might be able to get some info from your son. I’m always amazed how some kids know everyone’s business.

Then mom acts all nice and horrified to your face. After you leave, kid gets in major trouble for embarrassing her and disrespecting the family.

There’s no way I would talk to mom. I’d either tell kid that you aren’t going out that night (even if it’s a little white lie) or take him and buy him one additional meal to take home with him. I’m not going to set him up for failure with his nutty mother. There’s very slim chance he made up that story about needing to take food home. There’s even a slimmer chance that he pocketed money she gave him.