Perfect guy but he makes less money than me

[Anonymous]

It's "makes less money than I do."

It's not "makes less money than me."

At least know how to write if you're going to be a snob.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$80k is twice the US median income.

Not in the MC/UMC DMV world.

[Anonymous]

80k with no real income potential means he is probably a teacher which is a demanding and draining job once you have your own kids to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you do that you make 180 at 29?

OP here. I’m a CRNA.

Great you took a spot from someone now you’re not going to do the job. Pathetic.

Huh? Nurses are always in high demand. Who did she take a spot from?

Regardless - you’re not compatible. Break up now. I would have no issues with his salary but you do, and it’s not going to go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing: OP is stuck - if she marries BF, she will resent him for the rest of her life becacuse he doens't make enough. If she dumps him and marries someone making $400K and lives a life of material wealth, for the rest of her life, she'll pine for her one true love.

Given that OP is so materialistic, she screwed herself over by falling in love.

OP here. I’m not materialistic. I don’t buy fancy things, I don’t own any brand name clothes, and I don’t care about fancy vacations. I do care about living a comfortable life and giving any future children the opportunities I never had.

You may not think you're materialistic, but some folks (many of whom have HHIs <$100K) feel differently. Everyone wants a comfortable life and opportunities for their children. Which is why many people don't even consider dating below certain incomes.

The issue you have is that you didn't screen out your current BF's salary before falling in love. So now you're screwed in that you have to choose between money (material) or love (emotional). Like PP said, either way, you're going to regret your decision.

[Anonymous]

OP I took a lot of flak on here for asking this question at similar income discrepancy ($220k vs $90k).

I dumped him and am so glad I did. The money was one of several dealbreakers.

I’m now seriously dating someone mentally healthier, who makes $160K and is on a management track to make more, he is a much better fit for me in every way.

[Anonymous]

When I met my DH, I was in grad school, had no income, and was taking out student loans. He was working and was making 70-80K.

Neither he nor I took $$ into account when we decided to marry each other. In fact, if we did, we probably wouldn't have made it. I wouldn't have thought he'd have much income potential. And with my loans and slower ramp up to real income years, I didn't look so hot from money perspective either.

Fast forward to now, money-wise, we both are doing great. But what is more valuable to me is that I have a man who is loving, supportive, and is a responsible father.

I think you are overly focused on the 1 aspect of his income. Lots of things can happen in a lifetime over 50+ years. What's most important is to find a good man who would be a good partner to you.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting someone with similar ambitions as you (e.g. number of kids, aspirations for things like private schools and extracurriculars, etc.). If he’s content at 80k then you probably aren’t compatible in what you see for your future and that is a legitimate reason to split paths now.

Also I think men making 100-150k in the DC area are fairly common, so that doesn’t seem so out of reach.

But what I take issue with is this expectation you should find a partner who wants that and be willing to fund it all at least for half a decade or so while you don’t work.

It is going to take an exceptionally high earner to be a sole breadwinner and set you up with the lifestyle you want. Maybe you can jump back into your career (will give you the benefit of the doubt on that), but if you’re living off a single 150k salary in the DC area for 5 years, you’re not going to have a lot of wiggle room to buy a house, save up 3 months salary, etc. and then be able to jump right into kids going to private.

Only you know if you can land a big law partner at nearly 30. Hopefully you’re hot.

[Anonymous]

OP he’s not perfect FOR YOU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting someone with similar ambitions as you (e.g. number of kids, aspirations for things like private schools and extracurriculars, etc.). If he’s content at 80k then you probably aren’t compatible in what you see for your future and that is a legitimate reason to split paths now.

Also I think men making 100-150k in the DC area are fairly common, so that doesn’t seem so out of reach.

But what I take issue with is this expectation you should find a partner who wants that and be willing to fund it all at least for half a decade or so while you don’t work.

It is going to take an exceptionally high earner to be a sole breadwinner and set you up with the lifestyle you want. Maybe you can jump back into your career (will give you the benefit of the doubt on that), but if you’re living off a single 150k salary in the DC area for 5 years, you’re not going to have a lot of wiggle room to buy a house, save up 3 months salary, etc. and then be able to jump right into kids going to private.

Only you know if you can land a big law partner at nearly 30. Hopefully you’re hot.

Even a future big law partner won’t be making that much at 30. He’ll be making $250-280K. OP should break up with this guy but should also count on working PT when kids are little—you can’t just jump back in to CRNA after a five year non-clinical break.

[Anonymous]

I think OP is lying to herself.

"He makes $80, but I'd be fine if he makes $100"

That's only $20k different. Thats not enough to SAH vs $80k. She is not going to magically feel less resentful because he makes $100, because what she actually wants is someone to support her. That's going to be at least her income or higher. If that's what she wants thats fine, but that clearly isnt this guy, and she needs to be a better dater to find someone compatible.

OP you need to be brutally honest here. With your partner AND with yourself.

[Anonymous]

Either you love him or you don't. My husband is 40 and makes 90k. I'm not mad about it. Apparently men with average incomes are supposed to die alone because we women are all too good for them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Either you love him or you don't. My husband is 40 and makes 90k. I'm not mad about it. Apparently men with average incomes are supposed to die alone because we women are all too good for them?

They can marry women with similar incomes and lifestyle expectations

[Anonymous]

I have a friend in the DMV who is a SAHM with a husband who makes about $150K. They live in a decent house in a marginal DMV neighborhood (that they've not been able to maintain) and struggle to get by, as in their kids don't go to camp, dance lessons, music lessons, join soccer teams, etc... They only have one car. They don't take even domestic vacations. The whole SAHM is a bad idea if the mom has the ability to out earn a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Maybe if you met him at a different point in life this could work. Like, if you met after your kids were in college and you had already set aside the money in their 529. But in your situation, YOU need to be the income earner. Not sure why you think either of you should be a SAHP since that's actually no longer a UMC thing (at least not in the DMV). But if you insist on it, why can't it be him?