Hanging out with siblings who fight a lot

[Anonymous]

We are good friends with families whose kids fight all day everyday. Every meeting with them ends with their kids fighting with some extreme threats (“I’m going to kill you!”) or physical hitting. Parents are so nice.

What makes the siblings so angry at one another?

It makes the hangouts awkward because the parents look defeated. They try to discipline but usually they end up cutting the meetup short and go home or we take the clue to leave.

[Anonymous]

That’s exhausting. If you get together with them again, I’d start out by saying that you love to see them, but arguing is not fun, and you don’t want to see it for this get-together. Say it nicely, looking the kids right in the eye with a warm smile. Then if something starts, immediately intervene and say again that it isn’t fun to watch and ask them to separate. This is modeling for the parents. You can ask what happens at school when kids argue, to get a sense of what they act like there.


If the parents remark on this to you, feel free to say that it much be tiring as parents and ask if they’ve looked for any parent coaching classes.

If you know that something is going to be a trigger, like who gets to do something first, say before that arises that you want to try rock-paper-scissors first.

[Anonymous]

OP are you my SIL?

If you are, I don't like it either and we're doing the best that we can. We're working on it and trying many things to get the behavior to improve.

I am tired, and welcome any support or intervention from other trusted adults/parents to preempt potential arguments or redirect the kids in the moment.

Please don't ask me about coaching classes - believe me we are doing it and don't need any suggestions from someone who has a only child or "easy" kids.

[Anonymous]

That is a problem. We have friends like that. I encourage my kids to model problem solving and good communication and help these other kids resolve things peacefully.