Parent passed/Joint account/sister stopped speaking to parent

[Anonymous]

Long story short, my sister (she 45/me 42) is emotionally stunted, lacks emotional regulation, and lashed out/blamed our dad for our brother's substance abuse-related death a few years ago. She verbally attacked our dad, said many hurtful things, asked to be removed from the will, and distanced herself from both of us. My dad was deeply hurt but left her in the will. My brother's death was not my dad's fault, but I am convinced the grief expedited my dad's death (our mother passed when we were teens). I remained close to my dad until his death and was deeply hurt by his passing. I mostly ignored my sister's reaction since I had long suspected hints of mental illness with her; her life has been one mess and mistake after another. Before he passed, he placed me as a joint account holder and beneficiary on several accounts.

I have refrained from telling my sister about the separate accounts because of her irrational nature and short memory; she already has her hands out concerning his estate and said little when I reminded her of her removal request. The joint bank statements are all over his house. I am considering shredding them since they provide substantially more to me and don't concern her. Should I shred them and never mention the extra I received to prevent arguments about unfair treatment, or let the chips fall as they may if she sees them?

[Anonymous]

Absolutely. Your dad wanted you on those accounts. Not her. You have no obligation to tell her about them.

[Anonymous]

OK, so you are stealing money from her? I can see why she'd get upset. She is in the will, you need to honor that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. Your dad wanted you on those accounts. Not her. You have no obligation to tell her about them.

Actually, does the will give her a specific amount or is it split between you too. I think in that case you might have to share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, so you are stealing money from her? I can see why she'd get upset. She is in the will, you need to honor that.

Depends what the will says. If it leaves her with 10 grand and that’s what she gets than it’s all good.

[Anonymous]

You don't need to tell her. You may want to keep some of the statements - unless you have online access. You do need to honor the will. But I assume these accounts will be settled outside the will since you are either on it or are the designated beneficiary. I also assume the will doesn't specifically list these accounts as going to her or you both together.

[Anonymous]

Why are you asking to destroy evidence? The will outlines everything. It sounds like you are stealing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to tell her. You may want to keep some of the statements - unless you have online access. You do need to honor the will. But I assume these accounts will be settled outside the will since you are either on it or are the designated beneficiary. I also assume the will doesn't specifically list these accounts as going to her or you both together.

Correct. They are separate. He put as both as beneficiaries on the other non-probabte accounts but did not include her on the accounts I'm referencing. Part of me feels like challenging the audacity if questioned, when she put in writting to remove her and treated my dad poorly, but the other part of me wants to keep the peace. I'm over beng the rational one and feel she should feel the full spectrum of embarassment/guilt for having her hands out.

[Anonymous]

I'm confused. As long as she gets her share written in the will, what's the problem? What can she do to you? Do not destroy anything, OP. Are you the executor? Then you have authority to take all the financial documents necessary for you to discharge your duties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to tell her. You may want to keep some of the statements - unless you have online access. You do need to honor the will. But I assume these accounts will be settled outside the will since you are either on it or are the designated beneficiary. I also assume the will doesn't specifically list these accounts as going to her or you both together.

Correct. They are separate. He put as both as beneficiaries on the other non-probabte accounts but did not include her on the accounts I'm referencing. Part of me feels like challenging the audacity if questioned, when she put in writting to remove her and treated my dad poorly, but the other part of me wants to keep the peace. I'm over beng the rational one and feel she should feel the full spectrum of embarassment/guilt for having her hands out.

Do not tell her about the accounts to which she is not entitled. Remove that paperwork to a safe spot and keep the records for seven years in case of audit.

Do not make any attempt to withhold her inheritance. I understand your feelings, but you would be committing a crime. Just grey rock her and do what you are supposed to do. There is no thing where you can go to court and petition based on her prior request. She would have to disclaim the inheritance now. And she’s not. Don’t let your sister’s bad behavior drag you in.

[Anonymous]

If you are the executor, you should hire someone professional to be the executor and follow their lead about how to deal with this.

You are way too invested in punishing your sister vis this process. Your judgment is irretrievably tainted. For both of your protection, back away.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, but if your dad did not explicitly say that you were the only beneficiary of that account, she is entitled to it.

[Anonymous]

It is impossible for us to comment unless you explicitly stated what the will says. If it says you both get 50-50 of accounts a through C but you get 100% of account D that’s one thing. But if you assume you are receiving account D just because your name is on the account then she could potentially be entitled to that money, but since we don’t have a copy of the well, how could we possibly comment?

[Anonymous]

I am on my mother's accounts in case she becomes incapacitated. But if she dies, all money is to be divided equally among the siblings. I am on the accounts for convenience, not to give me a greater portion of the estate.

[Anonymous]

^^^ In my mom's case, the will just says everything divided equally. Siblings don't know about the accounts. If I did not tell them, that would be a crime.