Secretly dating
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Anonymous
| What would you do if you found out your 12-13 year old was secretly "dating" another kid the same age? When asked directly they denied it but monitored texts (PG-rated except for swearing) say otherwise. |
Anonymous
| Continue to monitor the texts but otherwise do nothing. Seems pretty age-appropriate to me. |
Anonymous
| My kid is 15 but is just a very private person. Secretly dating wouldn't surprise me at all. If not sneaking out or doing much in person, what's the big deal? Just foster a sense of acceptance and openness when possible. |
Anonymous
| "Dating" can not be defined. Focus on behavior. And on you being present and age-appropriately involved. |
Anonymous
| Idk because I don't really do punishments ever. But I would be furious. I know that that might be a minority opinion, but I do not think that terminology is appropriate at this age, and my child knows and understands my expectations. I come from a different culture, just for context. She is also very open with me so I don't think she would hide anything. She knows I'm against it, but also know she can be honest with me about her feelings. |
Anonymous
|
Nothing.. I’d monitor texts, go over general text rules (don’t send pictures of yourself to others, don’t take pictures of other people without their consent and/or send them to anyone else), how what you say on text to someone is recorded forever, etc.
And I would not allow 1:1 meet ups |
Anonymous
Lying unacceptable You raised a liar fix it now |
Anonymous
| What does “dating” mean to them? Just sending a few texts and walking home from school together? Or something more significant? |
Anonymous
| I would be more concerned about the lying than the dating, altho it’s possible there’a a disconnect between what you see as dating and what they see as dating. |
Anonymous
| So not really dating? |
Anonymous
| I would keep it a secret, too, if I thought my mom might go talk about it on the internet. |
Anonymous
|
Are they just in agreement that they're 'dating' and that means they can't agree to date anyone else, but they just text each other? I'd do nothing specifically. Kids are allowed to have secrets from their parents.
But I am the type who gives talks about dating and sex 3ish times a year about how to behave appropriately, how to hold people you're dating to certain standards, what verbal abuse is, how to extricate yourself from a relationship you no longer want to be in, etc. |
Anonymous
| Wait, are they actually spending time together or just texting each other and calling it dating? If they’re going places and lying to you about their location or who they are with that’s a problem, but if they’re calling a situation where they text somebody “dating“ and just not letting you know that it’s completely fine. |
Anonymous
|
My 13 year old did this. It didn’t feel like lying, they were sort of figuring it out and was unsure what dating really meant at that age.
Don’t get furious, get curious. That’s how you can maintain an open communication with your kids as they get older. |
Anonymous
| If it’s “dating” ie 7th “you’re my girlfriend and we sit together at lunch and text and that’s it” then I would continue to monitor texts and I wouldn’t say anything. It’ll fizzle out in 4.5 seconds and nothing is actually happening. They aren’t allowed to date at this age but I think you are probably talking about the traditional dating |