People who are negative and rude

[Anonymous]

Why do they do it? Dd went to a friend's bday family party, and adults there asked where she was going to college. She answered our state flagship. Immediately these people started telling her she would be sooo bored there, it's so small, nothing to do. It's not even in a small town, and it's a big school with lots of going out options! I think it's so rude to do this especially to a child, though I've heard plenty of comments myself over the years, about anything from working from home ("you're wasting your best years!") to mean comments when we moved ("I hate burb living") and other similar crap.

[Anonymous]

One response: You must be old.

[Anonymous]

People don’t filter their thoughts. They are selfish and think they know best.

Just remind your dd that it doesn’t matter what other people think.

[Anonymous]

I'm amazed at how many people are just terrible at small talk in general. Anyone who makes negative comments in the situation you described needs to work harder on their social skills.

[Anonymous]

They’re just rude. The real question is what did YOU do? I hope you stepped in to say, “Did you really just say that to a young woman who has chosen to attend there? Why are you being so rude? Are you okay?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They’re just rude. The real question is what did YOU do? I hope you stepped in to say, “Did you really just say that to a young woman who has chosen to attend there? Why are you being so rude? Are you okay?”

I wasn't there! She told me this when she came home. My guess is these people, if they visited, did so decades ago, so they have no clue what they are talking about. I told dd so!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People don’t filter their thoughts. They are selfish and think they know best.

Just remind your dd that it doesn’t matter what other people think.

+1

[Anonymous]

You, and possibly your daughter, have to learn how to process such remarks. You are not being a good role model for now, OP. Teach your child that remarks like these will be made all her life, for any and all decisions she announces. Pregnancies, career moves, lifestyle, homes, cars, ANYTHING. You can't control what comes out of people's mouth - you can only control the way you think.

[Anonymous]

That is so rude!

Teach your daughter to politely push back on these people. A simple ‘Really? I think there’s lots to do’ or ‘I’m very excited about attending this school.’

I’m also a fan of ‘what an odd thing to say.’

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You, and possibly your daughter, have to learn how to process such remarks. You are not being a good role model for now, OP. Teach your child that remarks like these will be made all her life, for any and all decisions she announces. Pregnancies, career moves, lifestyle, homes, cars, ANYTHING. You can't control what comes out of people's mouth - you can only control the way you think.

So people can't think these folks are rude?

[Anonymous]

“Thanks for the encouragement!” or “Thanks for raining on my parade!” with a polite laugh.

[Anonymous]

Spouting off awful and rude things has become more normalized nowadays because, well, you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do they do it? Dd went to a friend's bday family party, and adults there asked where she was going to college. She answered our state flagship. Immediately these people started telling her she would be sooo bored there, it's so small, nothing to do. It's not even in a small town, and it's a big school with lots of going out options! I think it's so rude to do this especially to a child, though I've heard plenty of comments myself over the years, about anything from working from home ("you're wasting your best years!") to mean comments when we moved ("I hate burb living") and other similar crap.

Because the people saying it don't view it as rude or negative. They are so use to doing it , they think they are just informing you of something or making conversation.

I used to be this way and I had to work really hard to break this habit. But I first had to recognize that I wasn't "just saying" or "giving information", and acknowledge those were excuses I told myself. I have probably now veered too far in the other direction now but I feel that's better than veering towards negative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do they do it? Dd went to a friend's bday family party, and adults there asked where she was going to college. She answered our state flagship. Immediately these people started telling her she would be sooo bored there, it's so small, nothing to do. It's not even in a small town, and it's a big school with lots of going out options! I think it's so rude to do this especially to a child, though I've heard plenty of comments myself over the years, about anything from working from home ("you're wasting your best years!") to mean comments when we moved ("I hate burb living") and other similar crap.

Because the people saying it don't view it as rude or negative. They are so use to doing it , they think they are just informing you of something or making conversation.

I used to be this way and I had to work really hard to break this habit. But I first had to recognize that I wasn't "just saying" or "giving information", and acknowledge those were excuses I told myself. I have probably now veered too far in the other direction now but I feel that's better than veering towards negative.

This is interesting. What made you realize you were viewed as rude, and want to change?

[Anonymous]

Yes, people are just awful. It's laziness ("I will just say the first thing that pops into my mind without asking myself if this is something others need to hear") combined with arrogance ("my opinions on other people's business are VERY important and must be shared").

It took me a long time to realize that they are the problem, not me. I'm still not great at pushing back (even now, in my 40s, I rarely have the presence of mind to push back directly because I'm still always a little shocked that people are like this) but I've learned to just walk away from these people and not let their stupid comments bother me.