Revisit a topic from a year ago, or let go?

[Anonymous]

I've been dating my girlfriend for 1.5 years. When we first got together, she had recently come out of a short relationship with a guy, and they remained friends. However, their interactions were a little too much, imo. She often brought him up in conversations, they talked on the phone, watched each other's pets, etc.

My girlfriend asked if I was comfortable with it, and I told her not particularly—mostly because they had broken up just a few months before and because of how often she brought him up. I personally think it’s better to put some distance between exes after a breakup, but I don’t object to friendships with exes in general. In this case, though, I got a strange vibe. Instead of explaining this to him, she told him I was burned in the past. Her response bothered me at the time, but I let it go.

They stayed friends on Facebook and would text occasionally, but over time, he stopped coming up in conversations, and our relationship moved forward. Recently, the situation flipped. He now has a girlfriend and has ghosted my girlfriend, even unfriending her on Facebook. She mentioned this to me, pointing out the irony of him having an issue with her pulling back from their friendship but then ghosting her off when the roles were reversed.

It brought up my discomfort about her response back then. I’m considering telling her that it bothered me how she made an excuse for me instead of understanding why I wanted them to step back. Should I let it go since it likely won’t come up again—especially now that he’s completely out of the picture—or should I share how I felt about the situation? I’m not harboring any ill will towards my Gf about the situation. Her response just makes me think she didn’t really understand how I felt, despite telling me she does.

[Anonymous]

No, let it go. It was a year ago. A good lesson though that next time something bothers you, bring it up when it happens. A good way to bring things up is just to ask…I am wondering why you said x instead of y and let the other person explain.

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe you put up with that, it’s so inappropriate. I ended a relationship when my ex did pet/house sitting for his ex behind my back and told me about it after the fact.
Frankly, it’s good it’s over but it would make me very distrustful about their judgement. I guess I’d like to hear from them that they realize how awful it was and feel remorse.

[Anonymous]

Let it go, move on.

[Anonymous]

How old is she? When I was 20s/30s, I would have done the same thing because I was socialized to never hurt anyone’s feelings. So coming up with excuses helped me avoid that conflict. It’s dumb, but that’s what happens when you raise girls to always be nice. Also had a couple guys in college react VERY badly when I rejected them, so there’s always the fear they’ll fly off the handle. Makes it easier if you tell them there’s another man in the picture.

[Anonymous]

Option 1: Tell her
Option 2: Let it go
Option 3: Get therapy for your obsessive overthinking. If you really want to be in this relationship and she’s a good person, it’s the kindest thing you can do for the both of you.