Frustrated with teen's approach to NYE planning
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Anonymous
| My 16-year-old just told me she and her best friend are trying to come up with plans with their boyfriends (all 4 of them) for New Year's Eve but no actual plans have been made yet. If that doesn’t pan out, she and her best friend might go out with a group of their girlfriends instead although she didn't know what they would be doing too. Sounds like no one has any definitive plans about anything. Meanwhile, we’re having another family over, and while it’s not a big deal and won't necessarily impact it, I’m so frustrated by her “wait and see” approach. She says she probably won’t know her plans until tomorrow. I even offered our house as a spot for them to hang out—we have a basement they could use—but she said absolutely not. As a planner, this lack of clarity drives me nuts! Anyone else have a teen like this? If so, how do you handle it? Or do you just let it be and leave it alone? Sigh. |
Anonymous
|
She's 16! This is totally age-appropriate for her. Let her be. Let her learn that everything is more expensive on NYE than other nights. Let them wind up at someone's house because they couldn't figure out anything else.
She is totally developmentally normal. |
Anonymous
I'm like this too, OP. So, no, this wouldn't bother me. 
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Anonymous
| Sounds pretty normal and would not bother me unless she was somehow a factor in your NYE entertaining plans (which it sounds is not the case). Is there any aspect that could be an issue for you (potential driving, planning snacks in case they end up hanging at your house after all, etc) since you will be busy with guests? If so I’d just set that boundary upfront “In the event you guys end up hanging out here, I need to know by noon tomorrow if you want me to buy extra snacks for your friends ” |
Anonymous
| you should be at my house. my teenager wants to go out to dinner with a group of 10 (they have no reservation), then watch the ball drop at someone's house (who knows where yet?) , have me pick them up so they can leave for skiing at 5am (she doesn't have a lift ticket and unclear if her ski stuff fits) and then wants to get her hair cut/nails done at some point too. She about had a meltdown when I told her she needed to pick one of the big activities (dinner or skiing). |
Anonymous
|
Why are you frustrated by this if it doesn’t involve or affect you? This would not bother me at all. It’s normal. I would want to know ahead of time if she needs a ride since they could affect your plans but that’s it.
I have not made any plans yet for tomorrow and have not thought about it yet. Tomorrow night is far away and I won’t want to do anything involving reservations. Neither will DH. |
Anonymous
| 100% normal for teens |
Anonymous
| Um, as long as she doesn’t suddenly expect full run of your house, it has nothing to do with you. Even if she ends up alone or with just one friend, whatever. Why are you acting like she needs to live it up? It can be a fun night, a big night, a chill night, whatever. Why are you putting pressure on her night and her plans? |
Anonymous
| I would not put up with that. I’d let her know we are hosting another family and get help us needed since her plans fell through. |
Anonymous
Spoken like the mom of small kids. |
Anonymous
No, I have three teens. *Beware of teens commenting on this thread |
Anonymous
| Totally normal. They are probably trying to find a party to go to - with social media these are kept pretty hush hush to keep groups under control. What exactly do you need to know? Give her a time to be home, and approval to use an Uber if it’s going to be after whatever hour you don’t want to be out picking her up and ask her to keep her phone charged and location on. |
Anonymous
| Normal! They want to see if any fun plans formulate. Your basement would be a plan D, hopefully A, B, or C happen. |
Anonymous
| I think it is common. Does it impact you? Does she expect to be dropped off and picked up? If so, this is when you can explain why she needs to firm up her plans. You need to know when she needs a ride. But if it is all walking / metro / others are driving, just go with it. |
Anonymous
| U less her plans disrupt your plans i don't see what the big deal is. |