College kids - how easy do you make it for them?

[Anonymous]

My DD is doing well as a freshman at a selective college. She does not have a job and we are paying her full tuition, including room and board. My husband and I disagree slightly about how much money to give her at Christmas. This Gen Z cohort loves their eating out nonsense, but it’s expensive. She also likes expensive skin care products and always wants new clothes. I have tried to teach her to be anti-consumerist, but it didn’t work well.

She has earned income the past two summers and we expect her to work again this summer. She has $7k to her name from work and gifts and spends about $150-175 a month on the dumb coffee and clothes that she doesn’t need. Plus gifts to friends and her boyfriend occasionally.

I don’t want to make it too easy for her but I also don’t want her to be the odd-man out. Any thoughts from parents in similar circumstances? She is our only child and we have HHI of $375k.

[Anonymous]

She isn't doing that much eating out/buying clothes/buying expensive skin care products if she is only spending $175 per month.

[Anonymous]

Its fine. Let her be. As long as she isn't abusing it, few splurges are fine. One of my physician friend was too strict with money, turned out all of her kids took loans and built credit card debt behind her back.

[Anonymous]

Is she putting any of her earned income into a roth ira? If not I might give her the amount she eared to deposit or match her contribution. I will really help her in the future.

[Anonymous]

We pay for our son's private university and when he got into the habit of going to the Whole Foods across the street to eat there instead of eating on his mandatory meal plan... we told him that was a waste of money, and to stick to the dining halls (which are pretty decent). He hardly ever spends any money, because he doesn't go out much and never even thinks about going shopping for clothes. I still have to push him to replace his worn things. So maybe he spends $50 a month, annualized.

[Anonymous]

Not totally sure what the question is, but we don’t give our college kid and “allowance“ or any of that. She has made decent money last few summers and is super thrifty. I think if kids earn money and want to splurge a few hundred a month on treats ( your DD’s situation) it’s totally fine! But good if it comes from her own funds imo to help her start think about treats as fun extras vs necessities

[Anonymous]

You raised her to be that way. Do what you want.

[Anonymous]

I expected my college kids to work, and pay their way.

[Anonymous]

The question was whether to give her money for Christmas and, if so, how much?

[Anonymous]

$175 per month is reasonable. I would give her a gift certificate to her favorite store for Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The question was whether to give her money for Christmas and, if so, how much?

Of course, Christmas money. That is a gift.

Your bigger problem OP is the rest of it, and I'm right there with you. DC age 20, who is away at an expensive private college, took 3 trips this semester, including one short one abroad. He believes that he paid for them because he has a $15/ hour job on campus that brings in about $75 a week and worked some over the summer. DH and I remind him that as long as he is on our dime and we are funding his $85,000-a-year education, he is not really paying for much of anything.

He is working retail over winter break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The question was whether to give her money for Christmas and, if so, how much?

Of course, Christmas money. That is a gift.

Your bigger problem OP is the rest of it, and I'm right there with you. DC age 20, who is away at an expensive private college, took 3 trips this semester, including one short one abroad. He believes that he paid for them because he has a $15/ hour job on campus that brings in about $75 a week and worked some over the summer. DH and I remind him that as long as he is on our dime and we are funding his $85,000-a-year education, he is not really paying for much of anything.

He is working retail over winter break.

Here's an idea, tell your kid no. 3 trips in one semester? They don't need to be traveling. You created this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The question was whether to give her money for Christmas and, if so, how much?

Of course, Christmas money. That is a gift.

Your bigger problem OP is the rest of it, and I'm right there with you. DC age 20, who is away at an expensive private college, took 3 trips this semester, including one short one abroad. He believes that he paid for them because he has a $15/ hour job on campus that brings in about $75 a week and worked some over the summer. DH and I remind him that as long as he is on our dime and we are funding his $85,000-a-year education, he is not really paying for much of anything.

He is working retail over winter break.

Here's an idea, tell your kid no. 3 trips in one semester? They don't need to be traveling. You created this.

Oh believe me, I know. And we are pulling it in for next semester.

[Anonymous]

Nickel and diming your college kids when it comes to everyday expenses (Whole Foods! Coffee! Skincare!) while simultaneously paying the full cost of their extremely expensive private school education seems like a surefire way to make sure they become typical penny wise, pound foolish adults.

[Anonymous]

We paid for tuition and fees, room and board, transportation, books/school supplies, basic clothes and coats. We stocked them with toiletries and cleaning supplies at the start of the school year. They were on their own for spending money after that. No idea what they spent, but from what I can tell they are both fairly frugal (apples falling near trees or something like that).