When people assume your child is gifted

[Anonymous]

But they're not - just really smart. How do you reply? I find the assumptions of family and friends a bit awkward, especially when they start asking about special programs and things. And no, we're talking about school around them. It's something they pick up on their own, but so many see "bright kid" and equate it with gifted, which obviously has its own definition.

[Anonymous]

My kid is not gifted or even really smart. However he was what they call "hyperlexic" as a toddler and was spelling out words with magnetic letters and drawing accurate analog clocks when he was still in diapers. He is totally average now in fourth grade.
Family is always making comments about gifted programs and such for him and I just say something like "I keep in touch with his teacher and she's doing just what he needs" which seems to do the trick. They have these recent memories of him being a prodigy and it's hard to let that go.

[Anonymous]

I let it go. No need to be pedantic over something that doesn’t matter.

[Anonymous]

I would just thank them for the compliment.

[Anonymous]

Just say thank you. People are not using the clinical definition of "smart" or "gifted". It's like saying "When people think your child is cute but they're not - they're just handsome."

[Anonymous]

It's semantics. Just say thank you.

[Anonymous]

There are so many different definitions of giftedness and attempts to measure it, that the term has become meaningless.

Every child has strengths and weaknesses. Most gifted kids aren’t Einsteins, and even Einstein’s early academic career was less than ideal.

I recommend that every child should be encouraged to pursue their interests and that parents treat “gifted” opportunities the same as they would any other opportunity, disregarding the label. If the child is interested, apply and see what happens. Even if you don’t think your child is gifted, whoever is determining eligibility for that specific program might disagree, because the term is so squishy. I think “really smart” and motivated can achieve or even surpass “gifted”, and is equally deserving of opportunities. Of course, if a child doesn’t want to pursue an opportunity (and the additional work that comes with it), that should be fine too, gifted or not.

[Anonymous]

First, IQ is not the only criteria for choosing special programs. Maybe at some point your kid will indeed need something else.

Second, they're trying to be nice, OP. Just say you're not interested and that your kid is thriving where he or she is.

I have a truly gifted (very high IQ) child who is happy at her neighborhood high school, no special programs. I also have a "merely" above-average IQ child with autism and ADHD who did better in a gifted program, because he was rigid and couldn't deal with his neighborhood school environment. He's now in college, in one of the top programs in the nation for his major.

Every kid is different. Observe and understand yours, serve their needs. That's all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is not gifted or even really smart. However he was what they call "hyperlexic" as a toddler and was spelling out words with magnetic letters and drawing accurate analog clocks when he was still in diapers. He is totally average now in fourth grade.
Family is always making comments about gifted programs and such for him and I just say something like "I keep in touch with his teacher and she's doing just what he needs" which seems to do the trick. They have these recent memories of him being a prodigy and it's hard to let that go.

The bolded. My objectively least intelligent child is highly communicative, and I know that debates will just exhaust you(well, probably).

[Anonymous]

Whatever, they're just trying to be nice. Just say thanks

[Anonymous]

My child is tidy and well-behaved, so people make insane assumptions about her intelligence based on that. For some reason she seems to attract the attention of type-A tiger parents (we are a mixed family) of truly gifted kids who assume we are on the same path based on our education and professional lives. I usually brush off any conversations they want to start with “we’re focused on other things and we’re really happy with how school is going” because from experience people are seeking out receptive audiences with which to obsess over criticizing academic rigor at school or obsess over competitive admissions for other schools, and that’s not a conversation that I like to have in my free time.

[Anonymous]

Just redirect. "I don't know about gifted, but I'm happy that Larla's is interested math/piano/reading/whatever."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child is tidy and well-behaved, so people make insane assumptions about her intelligence based on that. For some reason she seems to attract the attention of type-A tiger parents (we are a mixed family) of truly gifted kids who assume we are on the same path based on our education and professional lives. I usually brush off any conversations they want to start with “we’re focused on other things and we’re really happy with how school is going” because from experience people are seeking out receptive audiences with which to obsess over criticizing academic rigor at school or obsess over competitive admissions for other schools, and that’s not a conversation that I like to have in my free time.

You understand the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child is tidy and well-behaved, so people make insane assumptions about her intelligence based on that. For some reason she seems to attract the attention of type-A tiger parents (we are a mixed family) of truly gifted kids who assume we are on the same path based on our education and professional lives. I usually brush off any conversations they want to start with “we’re focused on other things and we’re really happy with how school is going” because from experience people are seeking out receptive audiences with which to obsess over criticizing academic rigor at school or obsess over competitive admissions for other schools, and that’s not a conversation that I like to have in my free time.

That’s funny, I have the opposite problem. My kid is well behaved, but is naturally sort of disheveled and silly. He is grades ahead in math and reading and the youngest in his Suzuki intermediate strings group. I WISH tiger moms would choose to chat with me so I could relate to them and we could trade tips! Instead my kid chooses to hang out with the troublemakers and poor kids and wealthy tiger moms have no idea I’m a secret tiger mom. TBH I guess I am secretly high strung and high achieving but am naturally disheveled the way DS is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child is tidy and well-behaved, so people make insane assumptions about her intelligence based on that. For some reason she seems to attract the attention of type-A tiger parents (we are a mixed family) of truly gifted kids who assume we are on the same path based on our education and professional lives. I usually brush off any conversations they want to start with “we’re focused on other things and we’re really happy with how school is going” because from experience people are seeking out receptive audiences with which to obsess over criticizing academic rigor at school or obsess over competitive admissions for other schools, and that’s not a conversation that I like to have in my free time.

You're doing the same thing, erroneously assuming those tiger parents have gifted kids.