Coping with unplanned pregnancy

[Anonymous]

I’m pregnant with an unplanned pregnancy and really struggling. My husband and I felt our family was complete with two kids and I never pictured or wanted more. I love my baby and know he will just fit right in once he’s here, but I’m struggling with the thoughts of not fully wanting him and how much harder our lives will be. How normal are these feelings?

[Anonymous]

Well, coming from a place where I tried and failed to have a third, with several miscarriages along the way, I can only wish our places were reversed.

You have a choice, OP. You can choose to terminate if you wish. There is no guilt or shame that is associated with that. But if you decide to keep the pregnancy, then odds are you will love this baby too, even though it came unexpectedly. Your feelings are perfectly natural!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, coming from a place where I tried and failed to have a third, with several miscarriages along the way, I can only wish our places were reversed.

You have a choice, OP. You can choose to terminate if you wish. There is no guilt or shame that is associated with that. But if you decide to keep the pregnancy, then odds are you will love this baby too, even though it came unexpectedly. Your feelings are perfectly natural!

OP here. We never considered terminated. It’s not something we personally believe in as a choice for us. I’m also too far along to ever terminate this pregnancy.

My condolences hearing your experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, coming from a place where I tried and failed to have a third, with several miscarriages along the way, I can only wish our places were reversed.

You have a choice, OP. You can choose to terminate if you wish. There is no guilt or shame that is associated with that. But if you decide to keep the pregnancy, then odds are you will love this baby too, even though it came unexpectedly. Your feelings are perfectly natural!

OP here. I got over the initial shock but I’m not excited like I was with my first two. There is less planning since we have two boys and don’t really need anything, but I’m not that excited about putting together a nursery. The motivation is lacking and I’m feeling guilty.

[Anonymous]

Your feelings are super normal. This is how I felt about my third. Now I love him to pieces. We worked on a diorama tonight and it was so fun b/c he is so different and so artistic compared to his siblings. You're in a hard stage; don't judge yourself for how you feel right now. How you feel is how you feel. There is no formula for how to feel about an unplanned third. Hugs to you. And to your baby.

[Anonymous]

Just make sure it doesn't happen again.

You are shocked because you don't want this and now it shows you that you don't have control of your life.

So take control and get sterilized after this birth.

Step up and control your destiny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, coming from a place where I tried and failed to have a third, with several miscarriages along the way, I can only wish our places were reversed.

You have a choice, OP. You can choose to terminate if you wish. There is no guilt or shame that is associated with that. But if you decide to keep the pregnancy, then odds are you will love this baby too, even though it came unexpectedly. Your feelings are perfectly natural!

This is not about you. Loss is terrible but you don't need to center your trauma in every story about birth that you hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, coming from a place where I tried and failed to have a third, with several miscarriages along the way, I can only wish our places were reversed.

You have a choice, OP. You can choose to terminate if you wish. There is no guilt or shame that is associated with that. But if you decide to keep the pregnancy, then odds are you will love this baby too, even though it came unexpectedly. Your feelings are perfectly natural!

OP here. I got over the initial shock but I’m not excited like I was with my first two. There is less planning since we have two boys and don’t really need anything, but I’m not that excited about putting together a nursery. The motivation is lacking and I’m feeling guilty.

I never planned a nursery (or much of anything) with my very-wanted and tried-for third. I think third kids are just different, you have what you need, you’ve been through the excitement several times already and you also know the hard that comes with it so anticipation naturally comes with a little unsettlement. No need to feel shame about that, you’ll love him when he’s here and that’s really all kids need.

[Anonymous]

I felt the same way with our unplanned 3rd. I think it’s very normal when you have an unplanned pregnancy with 2 kids already.

It definitely made life crazy for a bit. I was dreading the newborn phase again.

Of course, our third is amazing and I cannot imagine life without them. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

[Anonymous]

DH needs a vasectomy NOW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH needs a vasectomy NOW.

This. He needs to take care of things. Being pregnant is the perfect time for him to do it since you can skip the phase of using condoms post vasectomy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, coming from a place where I tried and failed to have a third, with several miscarriages along the way, I can only wish our places were reversed.

You have a choice, OP. You can choose to terminate if you wish. There is no guilt or shame that is associated with that. But if you decide to keep the pregnancy, then odds are you will love this baby too, even though it came unexpectedly. Your feelings are perfectly natural!

OP here. I got over the initial shock but I’m not excited like I was with my first two. There is less planning since we have two boys and don’t really need anything, but I’m not that excited about putting together a nursery. The motivation is lacking and I’m feeling guilty.

We planned our third and I still approached his birth with more resignation than joy until about 36 weeks. I think you know too much to get too excited - the sleepless night, the physical toll. I tried to always remember a good thing to counterbalance the bad stuff - newborn snuggles, toothless smiles that light up their whole face, etc.

Once Baby is here, he won’t know or care when you put his nursery together or whether it was on theme.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH needs a vasectomy NOW.

this is what we did during an unplanned pregnancy. it helps

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH needs a vasectomy NOW.

+1

[Anonymous]

It is Ok. I felt this way when pregnant with number 2. We wanted a second, but it took a long time - and finally after years of trying the pregnancy stuck. My first was close to 8 years old and I was like what have we done? We just have up our freedom! She’s the best kid ever! Perfect addition to this world and I cant imagine my life without her.