What age was the hardest to parent?

[Anonymous]

Currently have two teens and an elementary child. I find middle school (age 12-13) to be very difficult.

I have a neighbor whose adult child seems to be hard and her child went to top schools and seems not to know what to do with her life as a 24 year old.

I have friends who had kids who were terrible sleepers with colic so the early years were the worst.

[Anonymous]

The saying that goes something like life can only be lived forward but understood backward would probably apply here. The people on the adult child forum would probably be better able to answer this question, with the caveat that every parent and every child are different.

[Anonymous]

Mine are 16 and 13. It’s obviously less physically demanding now, but to me it’s so much more stressful. They are pushing for independence, think they know everything, no longer adore you as a parent. It’s just a lot less rewarding. They are good kids, but I constantly have to remind myself I am playing the long game and my reward is not today or tomorrow but 10 years from now when they are launched adults with (hopefully) good heads on their shoulders.

[Anonymous]

Age 16 when my DS developed psychosis. It was just after the pandemic ended and it wasn’t easy finding a psychiatrist and therapist stat. I knew time was short before he turned 18 and I wouldn’t have any control over anything anymore. Thankfully he’s in college and doing well. He is about 20 minutes from home so I can check up on him if needed.

[Anonymous]

This is so specific to the individual kids. My oldest has a severe sleep disorder and woke us 20-40 times a night for years. Those were the hardest years of my life. I lived in a permanent fog of exhaustion, illness, and rage. Every single day is easier than the last. So in my case, infancy through preschool was the hardest.

[Anonymous]

17. Almost an adult and craving independence, but the brain hasn’t fully matured yet - and won’t until around age 25 or 26. 17 year olds think they know everything, parents are out of touch and clueless. Friends have more influence. Little kids, little problems. Big kids, big problems.

[Anonymous]

There is no one answer to this. Kids are different, parents are different, circumstances are different. I see this in my own friend circle with people who have varying personalities, types of kids, numbers of kids, resources, etc.

I have one friend who would tell you hands down that kids get harder as they get older. Her three kids are teens. They are all really bright with strong, assertive personalities. Also, this family had a lot of resources for young kids (full time nanny plus both sets of grandparents nearby -- lots of support for the little kid years when they just need so much physical, direct help). So I get why it feels this way to my friend. Little kids have a lot of needs but they tend to be more direct, so it's more of a resource allocation problem. As they get older, the problems are more amorphous, and can't be resolved just with additional childcare resources. It becomes about communication, offering moral support, maintaining positive relationships, addressing larger scale issues with education or social concerns, shepherding them towards adulthood. With three kids who all have strong personalities, I can see how that is unquestionably more difficult than when she had little kids.

But I have just one kid and though she also has a strong personality, there are no siblings for her to be in conflict with. Parenting has gotten easier for us as she's gotten older. I'd say medium challenging from birth to age 9/10, then hardest from 10-12, and then it's gotten easier each consecutive year. Because as she gets independent there is just less for us to do and when she has issues we can just kind of take it one thing at a time and there is no balancing against the needs of other kids. I think I also struggled way more with her when she was younger than my friend struggled with her kids, for a variety of reasons. I didn't have a great support system, and I was always doing everything for the first time with an only (whereas my friend got better at parenting little kids with each successive kid).

So my friend and I would answer your question in basically diametrically different ways, and we're both right. We just have really different families and set ups (and are different people).

[Anonymous]

21. Just counting the days to college graduation. So far, this has been the most stressful year yet.

[Anonymous]

Three and 13 (same child). I discovered it wasn’t coined threenager for nothing. The incredible, terrifying risks and social media bullying at 13 were probably the worst. She’s 27 now and we both survived (I’m a single parent), but you couldn’t pay me enough to relive those days.

[Anonymous]

Anything after 18. They get to do what they want and you can't stop them. Tattoo on face, drop outbof school, drugs and alcohol, get married etc. They can do it all without your permission and knowledge.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends somewhat on temperament (the parent’s and the child’s), resources, child spacing etc. We have three teens and for us I would say:

Infant: the most difficult for us! Lack of help, sleep deprivation, and we had a set of twins which is obviously more challenging

Toddler: so busy but so exciting - loved that age! (I am unusual I think)

Preschool-elementary: cakewalk! Not that there were never any problems, but by far the easiest and most enjoyable age to parent

Middle school: challenging but not as bad as I expected. The driving & activities also got to be a LOT.

High school: still mentally stressful for sure. With 3 teens, I am always stressing about one or the other (either they are struggling with a class, upset about a friend issue, or whatever). Things improve and then the next kid has an issue to stress over. But I have more free time than I have had, since I became a parent. Which is nice.

So for me: INFANT stage was the hardest. We really struggled. I don’t think I am typically though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anything after 18. They get to do what they want and you can't stop them. Tattoo on face, drop outbof school, drugs and alcohol, get married etc. They can do it all without your permission and knowledge.

But that’s on them. You did your job.

[Anonymous]

Completely depends on the kid and the parent.

[Anonymous]

Teens, full stop.

For some, it's MS (in our experience, girls)

For some it's HS/college

The difference between young ones (physically hard with all the exhaustion) and older ones (emotionally exhausting - the bad choices they make can affect their entire life -- drive drunk or high, get pregnant or get someone pregnant, get an STD, wreck a car and their and/or someone else's life, and so many more bad things gs they can get into).

[Anonymous]

Depends on the parents