Want to separate but just can’t bare hurting my kid

[Anonymous]

My partner (same sex couple) just just 100% over our marriage. She’s grumpy and annoyed with me so much of time and I just keep lowering and lowering the bar of what I’ll accept. We have a wonderful 8 year old who adores both of us. I can’t imagine only seeing her 50% of the time and having her childhood defined by alternating houses. Ugh. I wish there was a trap door to a different reality. On the one hand, I keep thinking I can hang in for the sake of my kid….on the other, I keep hearing the divorcing earlier is better than later so if I can’t make it for 10-12 more years, should I just separate now? There’s no abuse or cheating; but there’s also very little affection or support.

[Anonymous]

Just stick it out. That's what you promised each other when you decided to form a union and have a child. Deal with it. Things might get better, they might not, but you're an adult and you have to stand by your word.

[Anonymous]

If you leave please don’t do 50/50 custody. I’d recommend giving up custody or just a weekend a month. It’s so so hard on a kid, particularly a girl headed into puberty. This is what I did (after trying 50/50 and failing) and it’s so much better for our dd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you leave please don’t do 50/50 custody. I’d recommend giving up custody or just a weekend a month. It’s so so hard on a kid, particularly a girl headed into puberty. This is what I did (after trying 50/50 and failing) and it’s so much better for our dd.

Some people actually want to see their kid. Sounds like you weren't cut out to be a parent anyways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you leave please don’t do 50/50 custody. I’d recommend giving up custody or just a weekend a month. It’s so so hard on a kid, particularly a girl headed into puberty. This is what I did (after trying 50/50 and failing) and it’s so much better for our dd.

Some people actually want to see their kid. Sounds like you weren't cut out to be a parent anyways.

It's not about what the parent wants, it's about what's best for the child. SMFH

[Anonymous]

Would your spouse agree to co-parenting classes or therapy - you can work through what it would look like?
Can you carve out two separate living areas in your house as a solution ?
Could you live next door to each other?

Is there something else in your spouse’s life that makes life particularly difficult right now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you leave please don’t do 50/50 custody. I’d recommend giving up custody or just a weekend a month. It’s so so hard on a kid, particularly a girl headed into puberty. This is what I did (after trying 50/50 and failing) and it’s so much better for our dd.

Some people actually want to see their kid. Sounds like you weren't cut out to be a parent anyways.

It's not about what the parent wants, it's about what's best for the child. SMFH

That’s two married parents and one house, obviously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just stick it out. That's what you promised each other when you decided to form a union and have a child. Deal with it. Things might get better, they might not, but you're an adult and you have to stand by your word.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My partner (same sex couple) just just 100% over our marriage. She’s grumpy and annoyed with me so much of time and I just keep lowering and lowering the bar of what I’ll accept. We have a wonderful 8 year old who adores both of us. I can’t imagine only seeing her 50% of the time and having her childhood defined by alternating houses. Ugh. I wish there was a trap door to a different reality. On the one hand, I keep thinking I can hang in for the sake of my kid….on the other, I keep hearing the divorcing earlier is better than later so if I can’t make it for 10-12 more years, should I just separate now? There’s no abuse or cheating; but there’s also very little affection or support.

I feel you. I have been feeling this way for soooo long and I always talked myself out of it. I think I am finally ready now, but my kids are now young teens and I feel like I will mess them up even more.

[Anonymous]

Could you all move to a two family home and you two switch out using the other dwelling and the kid stays put?

[Anonymous]

In those situations the judge often gives custody to the birth mother.

[Anonymous]

Are the two of you living like you are pretty much separated but existing in the same house now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you leave please don’t do 50/50 custody. I’d recommend giving up custody or just a weekend a month. It’s so so hard on a kid, particularly a girl headed into puberty. This is what I did (after trying 50/50 and failing) and it’s so much better for our dd.

Some people actually want to see their kid. Sounds like you weren't cut out to be a parent anyways.

It's not about what the parent wants, it's about what's best for the child. SMFH

That’s two married parents and one house, obviously.

+1. Also, where is her dad?

[Anonymous]

Don’t stay. It’s the worst thing you can do for yourself and your child. Otherwise, your child will think the relationship you two have is how it should be and they will choose poorly. Staying serves no one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t stay. It’s the worst thing you can do for yourself and your child. Otherwise, your child will think the relationship you two have is how it should be and they will choose poorly. Staying serves no one.

My son stayed from the time his daughter was about 10 when the marriage became unbearable until she graduated from high school. He put aside his own misery to prevent his daughter from ever being in a household 50% of the time without him there but possibly with some rando new boyfriends or a step father, two of which are significant risks for young and adolescent girls. His wife couldn't be trusted not to go there even though she was mostly a halfway decent parent. He gave up his own potential happiness to protect his daughter. He never regretted that either.