Mental health support for young children after domestic violence?

[Anonymous]

I have been a single mom to two kids (now ages 8DS & 5DD) for the past two years since my now ex-DH was arrested for child abuse against my oldest son & domestic violence against me & I divorced him for all three of our safety. He was in jail for 10.5 months and after he was released he was granted supervised visitation with the kids but he has only shown up twice total in over a year.

I got both kids into therapy pretty quickly, and they have been seeing the therapist once or twice a week for a year and a half.

The current therapy seems like it is not sufficient to help DS8. He's having serious anger issues and increasingly frequent outbursts of rage (currently just yelling & throwing/destroying stuff, but I'm concerned about possible escalation). He was kicked off his ymca sports team last week after the third time of him getting into a physical altercation with another kid when trash talking got out of hand.

I am in counseling with my own provider, who recommended that I should take a series of parenting classes focused on how to redirect children's undesirable behavior in positive ways, but either I am implementing the strategies poorly or it isn't the right approach for my son.

I understand his anger; considering everything he has gone through with his father hurting and then abandoning him of course he would have extremely strong and difficult to manage feelings. But I also know that he needs to be taught healthy ways to express & cope with his anger, and clearly he needs either something more or something different than what we're currently doing.

What services should I be making sure DS gets? Does he just need a different child psychologist? Is there a type of therapy that is best for trauma & anger issues? What positive activities should I be getting him involved in so that he builds coping skills & has good outlets?

I am worried that part of the problem is that having a single mom isn't good for boys as they age, but I don't know how to get healthy male influences in his life since his dad is both out of the picture and not a safe person in general.

[Anonymous]

You might want to try posting on SN.

I’m a BIG believer in PCIT (parent-child interaction therapy). That will help you learn to set limits and address the aggressive behavior.

If this is happening at school, you may also need to get an IEP.

Just put away the worries about being a single mom. The fact that you are taking this seriously is the important thing.

[Anonymous]

NP: Can I ask what the child was exposed to / what did he have happen to him? Unfortunately I am in a borderline situation and trying to assess. And may the new year bring health and relief for you son.

[Anonymous]

I would try Boy Scouts, church groups where he can see strong male role models. Can you move to be near family with uncles, grandparents, etc?

[Anonymous]

Are there any uncles, close male friends in his life? Like, a male mentor? Does he have an outlet for anger? Punching bag? Does he do something physical every day, like shoot baskets in the driveaway or swim laps? Something where he can channel energy.

Did you tell his therapist he's getting worse and you want concrete steps to take?

[Anonymous]

Try Big Brothers Big Sisters organization

[Anonymous]

No recommendation for you, but I left a DV situation without kids many years ago. Its hard under any circumstances. I respect your courage and your commitment to your children. Take good care of yourself, too- wishing you peace