Parental preference in a two mom family?

[Anonymous]

Any two mom families going through this?

My son is 8-months-old and has started to show a strong preference for me (birth and breastfeeding mother).

It’s taken a real toll on my wife’s mental health (she’s bio mom) and our relationship.

I’ve seen so many two mom marriages fall apart over parental favoritism.

I feel like this is a very specific issue for two mom families. Has anyone gone though this? Did therapy help? What worked?

[Anonymous]

Ugh, yea it happens in one mom families, too, but dads seem to sort of expect it/be okay with it, where I am guessing it is a lot harder on another mom. It will change with time. Do you pump so she can bottle feed?

[Anonymous]

We had this when they were babies but found they started to have a strong preference for the other mother too just in different areas as they got a little older. To simplify, she is more “fun” in their eyes so they would want to play silly games with her, and they wanted her to push them on the swings (she will push them higher than me). They still prefer me for nurturing, like if they fall down they still want to be comforted by me… I assume this will all continue to evolve as they get older.

[Anonymous]

We are a 2 mom family with a tween DD. They go through phases of who they prefer.
Are you bottle feeding as well?
Spouse should be doing the solid foods now if possible. It might be easier if you stay away during certain routines like bedtime to help them bond more with each other.

I literally don’t know any other 2 mom families who have split up for this being the reason.

[Anonymous]

There’s a book called Mommy , Mama and Me.
It’s a baby/toddler book.
You will do different things with your baby.
Make sure they have time when you’re not around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, yea it happens in one mom families, too, but dads seem to sort of expect it/be okay with it, where I am guessing it is a lot harder on another mom. It will change with time. Do you pump so she can bottle feed?

Yes. That’s why it’s mostly a two mom issue. Dads expect it and take it in stride. Moms take it personally and do not.

Yes, she’s bottle fed since he was 2 weeks old but he still has a strong preference for the breast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are a 2 mom family with a tween DD. They go through phases of who they prefer.
Are you bottle feeding as well?
Spouse should be doing the solid foods now if possible. It might be easier if you stay away during certain routines like bedtime to help them bond more with each other.

I literally don’t know any other 2 mom families who have split up for this being the reason.

Wife does bath time while I shower. She gets lots of one on one time 1-2 days a week while I work. She’s also better at uninterrupted playtime than I am.

I assume when he’s a toddler the favoritism will shift.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure it's taking a toll on your wife, and I'm sorry for how that makes everyone feel.

Is it possible to get some relief from thinking about how what a child shows at 8 months may change and evolve? And that there is a lot of time, one hopes, in your child's lifespan? I know these things are hard to believe when your child is so young and you may still be waking up on the night and your life revolves around their every move. But I hope your wife can take some deep breaths and walks around the block and see a different perspective that she can hold in her mind even as she feels understandably jealous.