Move back to the city from the suburbs?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are both from the suburbs. We lived in the city for many years, both apart before we met and together. We bought house in the suburbs in our late twenties and we have two small children (preschool age and an infant) and we are generally happy. However, it can be isolating being in our home (it’s not walkable to anything) and I don’t love having to get in and out of the car to go anywhere. Both of us commute five days a week, which can take anywhere from 50 minutes to two hours each way. Neither of our jobs can be done remotely. I’m starting to feel like we might be happier giving up the suburban dream and moving back to the city. Has anyone else made this move? It feels like going backwards but the work week is such a struggle, and we don’t get to the see the kids for more than an hour or two each day. I’m not sure the yard and the house are worth it when we’re both gone so much. Appreciate any thoughts.

[Anonymous]

I am thinking of doing the same thing. We have spent many years in the suburbs, and my spouse needs to be in the office 5 days a week now. Commuting is exhausting, and I find suburbs isolating. Driving everywhere is annoying. And people just seem to keep to themselves out here more and are busy with family and work. I am not meeting my people here despite trying. I find it very isolating.

My hesitation is the cost of living in NYC as to afford a similar place will be a fortune, and crime. Murder spree of 3 dead in a few hours by a homeless person this week gave me pause. And of course with kids, it adds up. I miss culture and more social stuff to do and friends who live in the city though. I think we probably will move back in the next year or two.

[Anonymous]

We decided to stay in the city because:
- you're probably looking at 1h+ door to door each way, which seems too long especially in both parents work
- the city private schools are absurdly expensive, but they are actually many of the top ranked private day schools in the entire world. Even the best suburban publics are going to be a big step down.
- NYC crime rate is very low, especially if you can live somewhere like the good part of UES. Probably not significantly higher than your suburb, plus living in a doorman building is basically like having 24/7 home security.
- Walking is much healthier than driving.
- We love restaurants and bars.
- When growing up we moved from a 2500 sf house to a 5500 sf house; we were definitely closer and happier when in the smaller, cozier house. In the city, I feel like we have corners of the apt to escape to, but we spend most of our time together in the same rooms.
- if you like to walk or bike and live close to central park, Riverside park, or prospect park, you may actually get more regular nature exposure in the city than in the suburbs.
- taxes and cost of living is way higher in the city. Just have to decide if it's worth it.

[Anonymous]

I also stayed in the city for much of the reasons mentioned above. About cost of living, if you don't own and store a car, and can forgo ritzy building amenities, it seems about the same, especially given the high property taxes in the suburbs. On the doorman, I've had it both ways, and prefer no doorman.

[Anonymous]

I don't think living in the suburbs is a dream at all. If you can afford to buy a home in the city with three bedrooms (two, if the kids are the same genders) then go for it. Or you could move to a different suburb that's more walkable and closer to the city.

[Anonymous]

We stayed in the city and there have been a lot of plusses to that. However, the hardest part for me were the years when DCs were small---getting them where they needed to be (especially in the winter), having to go to the park to get good outdoor play space, etc. I would consider waiting before moving back unless you can afford a large apartment and private school as an option if your public choices over the years aren't ideal. Once your DCs start school, you'll find it easier to connect with other parents and feel less isolated.

[Anonymous]

Hour to 2? Yes move back fast as you can that’s a nightmare

[Anonymous]

I live in NYC. I never made the movie to suburbia.

My city neighborhood is a very family friendly place. I'm older. My offspring are grown, but don't live in NYC anymore. However, many of their childhood friends do, and most of them do anything possible to live in the neighborhood.

Reading these threads, you'd think private schools are obligatory. They aren't. If you choose your neighborhood carefully, your kids can go to a good public school. For example, someone mentioned the UES. PS 6 there is just fine. See https://tools.nycenet.edu/snapshot/2023/02M006/EMS/#SA
And you'll get some idea of what the parent body is like from the fact that the school's website actually has info on how to transfer to a private school for middle school. https://4.files.edl.io/cb74/09/25/24/172451-39f1e12b-72be-418b-b5bf-5fcfbc217abb.pdf PS 6 isn't unique; there are some good public elementary schools. Middle schools are the weak spot, though there are some good ones. High school admission is truly an arduous process--almost as bad as applying to college. But if you've got kids who are good students and/or test takers, there are some excellent public high schools.

[Anonymous]

I am amazed that this thread is hitting right now. We moved out during the pandemic, for many reasons, including we had just sold our apartment and were renting while I found the next place. So, we could move out. We have nice life with a great (large) house and lots of friends -- and I really hate it. No ability to walk. No just going to walking outside the front door and feeling such energy. We can't move back yet, but we are definitely moving back.

[Anonymous]

Depends on how much money you make. Can you afford private school easily? It’s not like living in that city will be no commute.

[Anonymous]

^^^
Also, if you can afford aging in place in NYC it is far easier than in a suburb. Granted, we are doormen people, but several people in our building lived alone until the day they died. You can get anything delivered. Doorman to hail a cab (since many elderly don't have smart phones.)

[Anonymous]

Why not move to a more convenient, walkable suburb with a shorter commute, like Pelham?

[Anonymous]

We did this.

Downsides:
-we're renting in the city, and have forgone the appreciation we would have had on our house.
-disciplined culling of stuff required constantly
-sheer number of public schools and different admissions rubrics is overwhelming (we didn't grow up here so don't have a baseline familiarity)
-more issues with noise (both trying not to be too noisy, and putting up with noise from neighbors/the street), though never any of those leaf blowers...

Upsides:
-kids can (if you're comfortable with it) get themselves around from a much earlier age than in the suburbs, without you taking on a part-time chauffeuring job
-better and more diverse food options
-not worrying about drinking and driving

I'm sure there are more but that's what came to mind first.