Do you "serve" your parents/ ILs when at someone elses home?
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Anonymous
| I was at a birthday party this weekend for my niece, at my BILs house. The entire time, my ILs were constantly asking me or DH to get them things. Wine, food, plates, cups, cutlery etc. It felt weird being told to serve them, in someone elses home. I am comfortable with BILs house, but I don't like having to go through multiple of their drawers/cupboards looking for something that they asked for (ie condensed milk). I, of course, didn't know where any of this was, and just ended up asking BIL/SIL anyways. Idk, my mom would not do this, so I was a bit confused. |
Anonymous
| I do that for my dad who has mobility issues. He can’t get up and help himself very easily, so I help whenever possible. |
Anonymous
| Your bil was busy with his daughter’s birthday. How formal was this party that you think fetching water is serving? |
Anonymous
| I do this for my parents, but I never thought to do it for my in-laws. Maybe I should? |
Anonymous
| If they’re elderly, unwell or have limited mobility, sure, I’m happy to help. If they just like giving orders, I’m going to put some distance between us. |
Anonymous
|
I do this for my mom who has a walker. But I also did it for my SIL when she had a boot on and for my kid when he fractured his forearm and some old lady I didn’t know at a school gala who was clearly not eager to brave the crowds around the refreshment table but seemed awfully thankful when I asked if I could grab her a drink and a plate of cookies.
What kind of person are you op? |
Anonymous
|
Sounds super awkward.
Next time default to your husband. “Okay, I’ll get [your son] so he can help.” I wouldn’t go digging through my inlaws kitchen for condensed milk, that sounds nuts. |
Anonymous
| It all depends on how nicely they ask. I'm not going to be ordered about. |
Anonymous
Same, with my mom. She was practically stroking out from how hot it was and I ran to get her ice water. And I'd go visit her seat during the meal and she'd ask me to get her a dish far away on the table and I'd get it passed down to her. |
Anonymous
I feel like we need to know what the condensed milk was for in order to make a proper answer. |
Anonymous
| They wanted things and felt awkward to ask/get themselves in someone else's house, so they turned to you. |
Anonymous
Same. My MIL handed me her ironing when I was two days postpartum (!) and has treated me her servant ever since (27 years). So, yes, my response would depend on how the ILs act. My parents have never…and would never… treat Dh a servent…or anyone, frankly. |
Anonymous
I’ll bet it was for coffee or tea and also suggests this is a cultural issue. |
Anonymous
|
Does this happen in their culture? Did they ask their son?
Neither my parents nor ILs would've made these requests in their younger years. As my parents aged, I tried to anticipate and provide accordingly. Now I do it with my ILs (even if their own children don't). My MiL appreciates it and probably helps if I later irk her in other ways. If it had been me, I would've said to BiL, "X is asking for this, but I know you are busy with A's BD party, so I am going to poke around your kitchen and find it for them." Then later that night, maybe a few days later, I would mention this to DH and indicate if you want him to take the lead going forward. DH takes the lead on nearly everything related to his family, but if I have ideas for gifts/other stuff, I offer them in advance and he is generally appreciative of the suggestions, usually acting on them. |
Anonymous
| My FIL does this, it is beyond annoying. He is fully capable of getting all of his own crap. |