My parents are obsessed with my weight

[Anonymous]

I apologize if this is the wrong place to post as I’m not a parent myself (I’m in my early 20s) but I’d really like to hear how to manage this from parents if possible.

About five years ago when I first started college, I gained a significant amount of weight. Ever since then when I visit my parents during school breaks, they always bring up how much I weigh, how big my stomach is, even taking pictures of me when I tell them not to so they can show me how much weight I’ve gained (they specifically said this was the reason). I understand the importance of losing weight and that they’re likely bringing it up because they care about me, but I feel they’re overdoing the amount they’re bringing it up. I voiced this concern to them without success.

Years of these comments led them down the rabbit hole of discovering Semaglutide, which they kept pushing me to go on, telling me how much better it’d make me look and feel. After a year of pressure, I started it a couple months back. I’ve started losing weight which they’re quite happy about, but the medication is extremely expensive ($100+ a week). While they’re currently paying for it, I don’t believe I’ll be able to sustain paying $5000+ a year once I’m a new grad on my own next fall, meaning I may end up regaining all the weight if I do end up needing to go off the mediation due to finances.

I guess my questions are:
1. How do I get my parents to stop discussing my weight, even if it’s in a positive manner with me losing on Semaglutide?
2. If I do end up not being able to afford it and regaining weight, how do I get them to accept me at a larger weight?

Any other advice related to this would also be much appreciated.

[Anonymous]

I would just tell them to please not discuss your weight compliment or not. Repeat. They will stop if they can I bet. It's annoying I know. My DH did it to our only DD. He stopped.

[Anonymous]

I think you should talk to your doctor about how to maintain a weight loss gained from a weight loss drug after stopping it. Because surely you are not meant to be on it for life. I would also encourage you to get very honest with yourself about what caused you to gain so much weight at college (it's normal to gain some, but then most people level out). Were you eating because you were lonely? Bored? Stopped being as active as you were prior to college? Figure out those things.

You say you'll be on your own next fall. Do you mean fully, financially? Like, your own cell phone bill, car, insurance, rent, etc.? If so, you have more power. Tell your parents (once you're on your own) that you must insist they stop talking about your body and your food intake, regardless of whether it's out of concern or vanity, and in the future, if they bring it up you will walk out. AND THEN DO THAT. You just stand up and say "I told you if you brought up my weight I would leave, so goodbye." And just walk out. Or hang up. You may need to do that a few times to train them not to talk about it.

But that's how to get them to stop.

[Anonymous]

00:44, I think it was a combo of those things. I had a bad relationship with food prior to leaving for college and binged often, but that habit has basically dissolved since I’ve started Semaglutide. I’m more physically active now than I was then as well. We haven’t discussed finances too much as a family (which we honestly should) but I’ve been under the impression from what we have discussed that as soon as I get a job they’d like to pay for as little as possible. So if I need to stay on their insurance so be it, but they’d like me to pay for things such as my phone plan and rent and all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I think you should talk to your doctor about how to maintain a weight loss gained from a weight loss drug after stopping it. Because surely you are not meant to be on it for life. I would also encourage you to get very honest with yourself about what caused you to gain so much weight at college (it's normal to gain some, but then most people level out). Were you eating because you were lonely? Bored? Stopped being as active as you were prior to college? Figure out those things.

You say you'll be on your own next fall. Do you mean fully, financially? Like, your own cell phone bill, car, insurance, rent, etc.? If so, you have more power. Tell your parents (once you're on your own) that you must insist they stop talking about your body and your food intake, regardless of whether it's out of concern or vanity, and in the future, if they bring it up you will walk out. AND THEN DO THAT. You just stand up and say "I told you if you brought up my weight I would leave, so goodbye." And just walk out. Or hang up. You may need to do that a few times to train them not to talk about it.

But that's how to get them to stop.

Lol
Most people don't research these drugs thoroughly before taking them. You are meant to be on them for life. You just go down to a maintenance dose. That's why many insurance companies refuse to cover them for weight loss.

[Anonymous]

My mother used to also comment on my weight. Finally I told her that everytime she commented or said / did anything related to what I eat, I would eat 3 chocolate bars. I then bought a whole bunch of chocolate bars and then first time she said something, I pulled out 3 and ate them. It shut her up quickly!

[Anonymous]

I am very sorry OP. I would tell my parents that they are ruining their relationship with me. You are aware of your weight. They do not need to bring it up. If they continued I will visit less.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to, at least temporarily, cut your parents off. They are toxic.

[Anonymous]

Every time they mention it they put $100 bucks in your "Don't Mention It" can.

Solves both problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every time they mention it they put $100 bucks in your "Don't Mention It" can.

Solves both problems.

Huh? How exactly would OP force her parents into putting money into a jar? The best answer is the one where OP eats a chocolate bar in front of them every time they say something. That is brilliant.

The other solution is to cut them off. My guess is that OP is not in a position emotionally to do that. But the chocolate bar for every comment is very doable.

[Anonymous]

Spend WAY less time with these people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am very sorry OP. I would tell my parents that they are ruining their relationship with me. You are aware of your weight. They do not need to bring it up. If they continued I will visit less.

I would do this as well. I am very sorry that you experience this.

My mother criticized my weight frequently from junior high on. It made me not want to be around her and affected my self esteem horribly. I also missed out on a lot of fun experiences in school because she gave me a complex about my body that lasted until I was in my thirties. She has been dead for several years and unfortunately one of my lingering memories is her telling me that I needed to lose weight. I don't think she intended to give me a complex but she did.

What I would say to parents is criticizing your daughters about their bodies and weight is damaging. If you don't have anything positive to say then shut up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spend WAY less time with these people.

+1.

And tell them you will leave whenever they mention your weight. Then follow through when they do.

[Anonymous]

Just tell them you do not want to lose weight and are ok to be overweight for the rest of your life. They need to accept it.

[Anonymous]

I was obese in my 20's and it sucked but I also didn't really believe it was that bad. I rationalized it in my mind that since some of my old clothes still stretched to fit me, it wasn't that bad.

I got older and losing weight was really hard. I wish so much that I had listened to my mom when she was telling me in my 20's how hard losing weight is when you are older.

Stick with the meds and focus on right now and losing weight. Don't use a future that has not yet happened to derail you.