Worried about 21 year old son

[Anonymous]

My son is 21 and a junior in college. I’m looking for advice. He’s a heavy marijuana and vape user. He has experimented with other drugs like Molly, but mainly around music festival type events.

He’s doing ok in school but puts in the bare minimum. He has a chronic disease that he doesn’t manage well and he had an accident in high school that definitely caused some trauma and maybe ptsd.

He has tried therapy but never stuck with it. He refuses medication for depression and adhd. I’m really concerned for his future. I realize the main lever we have is financial but pulling him out of school doesn’t seem wise.

To add to it all there have been issues in my marriage that have impacted him, that we wish he didn’t know, but he does, and it’s taking some time to repair his relationship with his father.

I’m looking for thoughtful advice. Yes, of course we have regrets relating to our parenting, but at this juncture we are just trying to do the best we can to help him get on a better path.

[Anonymous]

Did he try EMDR for the trauma.

If he’s passing I wouldn’t worry much about it. Kids often thrive once they get away from their toxic family life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did he try EMDR for the trauma.

If he’s passing I wouldn’t worry much about it. Kids often thrive once they get away from their toxic family life.

It wasn’t a toxic family life and isn’t now. I’m close to him. We’ve always tried hard to support him and be optimistic.

My marital issues were a complete surprise and have done damage but we are all repairing. It wasn’t a household with a lot of yelling, substance use, or anything like that. He isn’t thriving and is several states away for college. Not trying to be defensive.

[Anonymous]

He has not done EMDR. A therapist recommended it to him but he thought it was too “weird”.

[Anonymous]

Therapy.

[Anonymous]

May he remove him from that environment? Give some incentive to transfer to a school near home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He has not done EMDR. A therapist recommended it to him but he thought it was too “weird”.

And yet he is self medicating. Has he thought about what happens if he can't get recreational drugs anymore?

[Anonymous]

Get him through school. So many people in college were marijuana users. They turned out OK once they didn't have so much free time after graduation and had to support themselves.

How do you know so much about his drug use? Most parents are pretty clueless.

[Anonymous]

OP, I just wanted to say I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. I can imagine how helpless and fearful you feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:May he remove him from that environment? Give some incentive to transfer to a school near home.

At this age that will not change it. He will bring the habit with. We are in a similar position and it’s very frustrating. I really have no advice but wish I could figure it out as well.