Jen Hatmaker
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Anonymous
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So now we are not "her peeps".
We are not a "tribe". We are a "coven". How desperate, sad, and dark. |
Anonymous
I'm sticking pins into my Jen doll which was 10% off as we speak. |
Anonymous
| Shonna and Jenny. Then Meg is the newest ride or die. And then there is always a random other woman seeming like a group savings invite. I wonder if she sees the captions and feels excluded. |
Anonymous
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My droolingz. My precious, precious droolingz.
I know you have missed me because, well...why wouldn't you? I am moi and fully realize I am your North Star, your trusty inspirational beacon you rely on to guide you in all of your important life decisions, ESS-SPESH-UL-LEE when it comes to retail decisions <swipe up to view a complete library of my ME COURSES> Beleagureds, where to start? I am in the delicious PACIFIC NORTHWEST in a dreamy little hamlet - that means village - called YASS-HATS. The Y is silent <wink emoji wink emoji wink emoji> YASS-HATS is grand. The weather is dreamy and since you all, my droolings, KNOW how I REFUSE to MEEEEE CAMP anywhere where I can't wear a sweatshirt for at least 4-6 hours out of every day. For those of you who are new around here, MEEEEE CAMP is where I spend a month leaning into my white privilege by renting a space in an oh-so-quaint town near water and some other stuff blah blah blah so I can escape my roomates and the Texas heat because I dislike the feeling of sweat as it escapes from my hairline, traveling down my back and finding refuge in the waistband of my briefs. @THETREVORBARRETPROJECT - who is still totally my boyfriend - just ADORES sensible women's underpants. Er...he loves ME in sensible women's underpants, is what I meant to say. I've spent the last month FALLING IN LOVE with YASS-HATS. I've gone to a queer Episcopalian pet parade and befriended my elderly neighbors, who are blissfully hard of hearing, which is pretty much DIVINE for me, since i can prattle on and on about my BLACK BOYFRIEND and my GAY DAUGHTER and smashing the patriarchy and they just smile and nod. Plus, they've taken to keeping a stash of Blackbox Sauv Blanc in their fridge and they always seem happy to see me. It's PURE RAPTURE and I get to sleep late anyway. Everyone in YASS-HATS is absolutely just the darlingest. The women all have gloriously violet or vivid green hair - SO PROGRESSIVE - and I'm considering getting a ring in my septum. Not a real one, of course, one of those that just makes it look like I have an EDGY facial piercing. It's quite the look here and I've had MY TEAM perusing Amazon for links to various colors of the RAINBOW hair color I can share all the YASS-HATS lewks with all of you. I doubt it will catch on in BEWDA but it's always so fun for me to see you excited about SHOPPING MY LINKS. Unsurprisingly, everyone loves me here. I've been asked to run for YASS HATS CITY COUNCIL and don't think I'm not considering it. I've gotten SO MANY phone numbers and dinner invites. I got invited by the most lovable PASTOR to attend a church service on my first weekend in town. While he applied the appropriate amount of reverence in acknowledging my D-List celeb status, I wasn't quite sure he understood my requirements for MAIN CHARACTER ENERGY at all times, so I politely declined. Also church hurt. <swipe up to read my blog post and buy my books> I am here, in an undisclosed Vrbo which is truly too fabulous for words. I haven't taken many photos since I'm committed to being SO UTTERLY IN THE MOMENT and also for privacy reasons. SO MANY of you have asked where I'm staying and while I LOVE all of you beleagureds, I need you to love me at a distance. TBH I mostly say this because it might look ever-so-slightly less elegant in the harsh light of day so the pictures I'm sharing are mostly cropped ocean shots from my neighbor's porch. Still, utterly presh OF COURSE. Although I've got to admit, I kind of miss my vagina bathroom and my giant psycho bird wallpaper. My entire personality is this utterly presh little town filled with love and acceptance, although oddly, the LOCAL GAYS have been laying pretty low this year. Puzzling. It's been a whirlwind. I've workshopped recipes, which means I've bounced between making a grilled cheese with sour cream and onion potato chips smashed on top and making a grilled cheese with crushed Cheetos smashed on top. Both SO DELISH. My culinary creativity is astounding right? So much more to tell you, my dear, dear candy-coated droolinz , but I must prepare to receive my COVEN, who is doing their annual forced pilgrimage to whatever obscure location I tell them they need to buy a ticket to. I tell you, bewildereds, the secret to enduring friendship is to find besties who are, for whatever strange reason, too intimidated to contradict you or hurt your feelings. Sure, it's resulted in dragging a few pieces of TP on my shoes - literally and metaphorically - over the years but the unwavering affirmation is good for the soul. I must go down to the EcoFeminist Bargain Bin - that's YASS-HATS sustainable, woman-owned, queer owned, ethical alternative to Dollar Tree, where I'll stock up goat milk tea lights for our...er...singing circle...and maybe grab some cute mini brooms for decor. Or whatever. We'll laugh. We'll cry. Maybe do a little chanting and summoning. Tra la la. XOXO Jane P.S. Fried fish is my ENTIRE PERSONALITY and MY TEAM will block anyone who makes comments about my being gluten free or asks why Trevor hasn't made the trip to YASS HATS. I'd love for them to finally be able to see a real live black man in person but that's still TBD. |
Anonymous
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I love Jane so much.
“I tell you, bewildereds, the secret to enduring friendship is to find besties who are, for whatever strange reason, too intimidated to contradict you or hurt your feelings.” Spot. On. |
Anonymous
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Jane=exceptional satirist.
Absolutely kills it, once again. |
Anonymous
| Hurray for the return of Jane!!!! Made my day! |
Anonymous
O M G!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She’s back! |
Anonymous
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“The spirit of me camp is to be emulated. It’s not about four weeks. Come on! )roll eyes sarcastically). It’s not even about the location. It’s not about the perfect cabin.”
That is literally all you talk about when you’re there: the 18 requirements that you have for the location. The perfect cozy house with a view and elderly neighbors whom you can exploit for content. |
Anonymous
| Yet another post of how much of an introvert she is. ????? She’s the opposite of an introvert. She talks ad nauseum to everyone she comes across, gets their emails, shares her life story with perfect strangers, posts all of her besties riding golf carts and vespas singing at the top of their lungs, organizing cruises where SHE is the main attraction. On and on and on. Not sure where this so called new introversion is coming from but am sure it’s got some hook. A book, a me course, a podcast, anything where she’s still the center of it. |
Anonymous
| Jane had me at gay Episcopalian pet parade. |
Anonymous
| Yay Jane!! |
Anonymous
I am somewhat surprised she has not latched on to the very LBGTQ etc friendly Episcopal Church, where you can define Christianity almost anyway you want to, as long as you don't look too closely at scripture. Women priests, support for abortions, gender neutral language, etc. All fully supported. But then she could not be the main character, because there would be waaayyy too much competition - everyone has already been doing what she has just recently latched onto for quite a while, there would be little room for her "wisdom". |