Transition to college

[Anonymous]

My child, and a lot of their friends, are having a hard time transitioning to college. Not a miserable time, just not the perfect Instagram story they'd hoped for. Anyone whose kids have been through this have a tip on how long the adjustment takes?

[Anonymous]

Tell them to log off of social media.

[Anonymous]

With your emotional support, it could last days or weeks. Encourage them to visit home whoever possible and make lists of what they can do to stay sane on campus. Remind them it’s temporary. Txgiving then winter break is right around the corner!
Without support from you, it could spiral.

[Anonymous]

They have to get off social media.

It's very well documented that kids torture themselves looking at everyone else's Instagram and thinking everyone else has it so much better. This was at the heart of "What Made Maddy Run."

If they are making some friends, doing OK in their classes, and staying physically and mentally healthy, they're in great shape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With your emotional support, it could last days or weeks. Encourage them to visit home whoever possible and make lists of what they can do to stay sane on campus. Remind them it’s temporary. Txgiving then winter break is right around the corner!
Without support from you, it could spiral.

What? Retreating to home is not the answer,

[Anonymous]

My daughter is a freshman and this is a common thread among her high school friend group.

To be honest, the two doing the best went through sorority rush and seem to have a large social group from that. My DD’s school does Spring rush and she wasn’t originally going to join one, but has now decided she wants to based on her friend’s experiences.

For now, we are encouraging her to continue to put herself out there. Luckily she has a good roommate and the two of them are slowly making some nice friends and hanging out together. Having even the one good friends definitely helps!

I think the most important thing is to encourage your child to get out- just leave the dorm and find something to do. And to look for groups!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is a freshman and this is a common thread among her high school friend group.

To be honest, the two doing the best went through sorority rush and seem to have a large social group from that. My DD’s school does Spring rush and she wasn’t originally going to join one, but has now decided she wants to based on her friend’s experiences.

For now, we are encouraging her to continue to put herself out there. Luckily she has a good roommate and the two of them are slowly making some nice friends and hanging out together. Having even the one good friends definitely helps!

I think the most important thing is to encourage your child to get out- just leave the dorm and find something to do. And to look for groups!

Thank you, this is super helpful. My kids school doesn't have Greek life, which we thought was a positive but maybe isn't? Anyway, thank you for an honest and helpful answer.

[Anonymous]

Very common for first years to need until spring to really acclimate. Social media has a way of creating unhealthy notions of what’s a great college experience, not unlike how it has a way of creating unhealthy notions about so many other things.

[Anonymous]

What’s good is that they’re talking about it! I had a crap freshman year but all my friends talked about how it was the time of their life, and later admitted it wasn’t.

[Anonymous]

Yes, first year to acclimate. I have a sophomore and this year is so much better.

[Anonymous]

At least the fall semester to find their footing, with plenty of warm support from home and seeking help on campus, too. Often they confuse not having real friends with being all-around miserable, because their imaginary vision of college included fantasies of a super fun, independent life and they're not seeing it yet.

[Anonymous]

Thank you. My kid - at Cornell (I posted separately) - is right there with yours.

The transition has been extraordinarily hard in my opinion.

I don't have advice yet - just looking for it here - and for a community of people also trying to be supportive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is a freshman and this is a common thread among her high school friend group.

To be honest, the two doing the best went through sorority rush and seem to have a large social group from that. My DD’s school does Spring rush and she wasn’t originally going to join one, but has now decided she wants to based on her friend’s experiences.

For now, we are encouraging her to continue to put herself out there. Luckily she has a good roommate and the two of them are slowly making some nice friends and hanging out together. Having even the one good friends definitely helps!

I think the most important thing is to encourage your child to get out- just leave the dorm and find something to do. And to look for groups!

Thank you, this is super helpful. My kids school doesn't have Greek life, which we thought was a positive but maybe isn't? Anyway, thank you for an honest and helpful answer.

My daughter is at a school without Greek life and is having a great time. It really isn’t necessary. There are thousands of kids there who all want to make friends. The key is just to put yourself out there, sign up for everything, and meet as many people as you can.

[Anonymous]

Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving or Second Semester

[Anonymous]

Instagram and other social media (and even college advertising material) can send the wrong message about how the first few weeks “should” be. It was a hard adjustment for many of us 30 years ago and it’s a hard adjustment for many of our kids now. As parents, some of us may want to give glowing reports about how “perfect” our new college kids’ lives are and how they’re “loving it”, but that’s not usually the full reality. Roommate adjustments, illnesses, transportation snafus, trying to figure out the social dynamics, homesickness- those are all very real and our kids need to know it’s OK to struggle with those things and hopefully learn how to navigate them.