Overweight

[Anonymous]

Almost 30 child lives across country. Asked for $ to pay for Uber/Lyft to not walk 1/4 mile to bus stop anymore. Says they are over 200 pounds now (at 5’1”) and hurts to walk that far. Spouse has been giving. I disagreed, but said would pay for any doctors, therapist, any mental health needed, gym membership, nutritionist or if wanted pre-prepared meals sent to make healthy eating easier. Adult child doesn’t want that help. What would you do?

[Anonymous]

Make her walk since she won’t except financial aid for things that could really help her. Some times tough love is the only solution.

[Anonymous]

Don’t enable her.

If she WANTS to lose weight, help her. Even weight loss injections don’t help unless the individual wants to eat less.

[Anonymous]

Do you have any idea why your AC is at this weight? I would want my child to remain employed and would pay the Uber and then do everything I could to get them to the appropriate HEALTH care. Stop framing this as weight. Can you visit your child and support them in getting physical and mental health evaluations? Some people are overweight and healthy, but not being able to walk 1/4 mile due to pain is a huge red flag.

[Anonymous]

Troll

[Anonymous]

I weigh 230 at 5'4" and routinely walk between 5k and 10k steps a day, depending on weather, free time, what I'm doing, etc.

It shouldn't hurt. Maybe they're not wearing the right shoes for their body or something. But overall, if you rarely move, then moving hurts when you start. If you keep going, things loosen up and feel better after a couple/few weeks.

[Anonymous]

How would they reach their obesity medicine doc, nutritionist, psychologist and gym?

[Anonymous]

Have them go on Ozempic/Wegovy

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your kid is vulnerable if they are taking the bus (to work?) and can't afford an uber at 30 years old. They're asking you for help. Please don't respond with judgment. What you are saying about spending the money on their health makes logical sense, but don't close the lines of communication.

Starting a weight loss regimen is a huge life change and you need to be in a mentally good place to start. You need to want to start. And yeah, you're saying you'll be pay for therapy but it's not like you magically go to therapy and then you have the will and motivation. I've been there and sometimes you just can't get yourself to start. You're just too tired/achy/too addicted to healthy food to even imagine starting. And in the meantime, you have to live in that body. It makes you feel worthless.

I would really try to address this from a medical standpoint, not weight, because that much pain is not normal even for a bigger person.

[Anonymous]

*addicted to unhealthy food

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for all replies. Helpful to hear other voices on this and since know cannot force anything here, helpful to hear ways to approach and how to offer/say things in ways that may be best heard by 30 year old.

[Anonymous]

You child needs help getting to the root of the problem. They know there is a problem but are pushing it away. Paying that Uber is financially wasteful long-term. Time to insist they either open up to you or get get professional help.

[Anonymous]

That pain comes from inflammation and of course the weight. I have to be very careful what I eat. Any highly processed food makes my knees hurt for almost a week.

[Anonymous]

Have you seen your child? This feels like a love test: Will you give me what I say I need even if you disapprove of my appearance?

I'm wondering if they actually weigh that much, and also what's really going on, because someone who weighs 200 lbs at 5'1" should be able to walk a quarter mile.

[Anonymous]

Honestly it is too late. Your child is a grownup. Not even that young anymore. You should have taught proper nutrition and fitness long time.