Making friends as an adult is so confusing

[Anonymous]

It feels like dating and reading signals. Do they like me? Did I make too much effort? Not enough? Ugh I want to hibernate.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Maybe we overthink, but it’s so hard to move forward from acquaintances to actual friends. It was so much easier as a child!

[Anonymous]

I agree and usually find I’m putting in all the effort, often with no reciprocation. I just made a friend where she’s doing most of the initiating …it feels so nice to be wanted!

[Anonymous]

Children make friends easily because they are not in a relationship, and are less judgemental and have more free time.

Once adults are in a relationship, that takes the place of their innate need for human companionship, and they tend to gravitate away from friends some or completely.

It's not rocket science.

[Anonymous]

For me it felt more like high school friendship struggles I never went through as a teen, and it caused me a lot of anxiety and extra stress I didn't need in my life. The worry about if they like you or not, reciprocation, having to say yes to shit I didn't want to do just to keep the friendship going, feeling excluded or on the fringe, and the added money aspect with stupid dinners and such...I hated it! The pandemic was so freeing socially and I am done with trying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me it felt more like high school friendship struggles I never went through as a teen, and it caused me a lot of anxiety and extra stress I didn't need in my life. The worry about if they like you or not, reciprocation, having to say yes to shit I didn't want to do just to keep the friendship going, feeling excluded or on the fringe, and the added money aspect with stupid dinners and such...I hated it! The pandemic was so freeing socially and I am done with trying.

+1

[Anonymous]

I just don't care if people seem to like me right away or make the effort. If I like them, I will make the effort.

Of course, I'm sensitive to their time and boundaries, and I'm not for everyone. But I think someone might be a good friend, Ill put myself out there.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you have autism? I'm an adult and I make friends just fine wherever I go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree and usually find I’m putting in all the effort, often with no reciprocation. I just made a friend where she’s doing most of the initiating …it feels so nice to be wanted!

Lucky you, how did you meat this person?

[Anonymous]

It's hard. Most people in this area seem to already have their group. There also seems to be more goodie-goodies here. You never know how they are going to take you. The friends I do have here seem to constantly be trying to impress people. If I have heard your credentials once, I don't need to hear them every time we talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's hard. Most people in this area seem to already have their group. There also seems to be more goodie-goodies here. You never know how they are going to take you. The friends I do have here seem to constantly be trying to impress people. If I have heard your credentials once, I don't need to hear them every time we talk.

It's 2024 and people are STILL about that?? Smh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Maybe we overthink, but it’s so hard to move forward from acquaintances to actual friends. It was so much easier as a child!

It's really not. Pick up the phone and invite someone you like to do something. Have a date, time, and activity in mind. Do you want to go with me to the XYZ on ABC? It should be something you are already planning on doing. Then if they say yes, you both have something in common. If they say no with no further explanation, move on. If they say sorry, maybe next time, then ask them to do something else again another time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you have autism? I'm an adult and I make friends just fine wherever I go.

Ha ha. I'm with you PP. I make acquaintances just fine. It takes time to become friends but that's okay. That doesn't mean the time leading up to the friendship stage of "I need you to drive me to the hospital" isn't fun and it's worth the effort. I have more friends now than I did in college.

[Anonymous]

I agree. I made an effort to organize a trip to see a movie (based on a book) with some ladies from book club. 9 ladies said they were coming and paid me for tickets, and 3 actually showed up. I didn't lose money on the movie, since they all paid me, but the restaurant I made a reservation at for afterwards was super annoyed that were were 4 instead of 10. This should not be so hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you have autism? I'm an adult and I make friends just fine wherever I go.

Wow...how popular you are!