What makes sense here?

[Anonymous]

DH's parents are entering their mid-80s. One has dementia, fortunately very affable, and lives at home. The other is still quite active. Perhaps not as sharp as they were two years ago, but sharper than probably 95% of people their age. They've had daytime help and now need to move to 24/7 in order for the one with dementia to remain at home.

The round the clock care will become a significant drain on resources. For now they are comfortable, but it will add up over time. In addition to cash/stocks, there is a house and a vacation house. DH has indicated that he will help parents if they run out of cash, including selling their real estate. BiL has made it clear he is banking on an inheritance. DH wonders if he is obligated to pay him out for his share of the vacation house (the current plan is for DH to buy him out if DH chooses to keep vacation house) if they have to sell ALL the real estate to care for their parents.

Basically, if they have to sell EVERYTHING to care for the parents and DH even ends up subsidizing, is DH still on the hook to pay out for vacation house even if all the funds were use to care for parents?

[Anonymous]

BIL may be out of luck on the inheritance. But he’s incredibly lucky to have parents with the funds to pay for the care they need/will need

[Anonymous]

1. Why in the hell would DH be on the hook to BIL if the proceeds are used to take care of parents?
2. Who has financial power of attorney? Who has medical POA? These are important items to suss out here.

[Anonymous]

You need to see a pro financial planner ASAP to understand the Medicaid rules in your state.

I'm sorry that your Bill is so clueless. He needs to hear a reality check from the financial planner that he will likely not be receiving an inheritance because dementia care is so costly.

[Anonymous]

Good God. Your DH is not obligated to BIL! BIL does not own the vacation home. He has zero right to an inheritance and zero right to the property. He is completely off his rocker if he feels entitled to anything at all.

I would have them sell it ASAP and keep the money for themselves. Medicaid has certain lookback rules that you need to understand. Shifting money to Mr. Entitled could cause them a lot of problems if they need Medicaid to cover their care eventually. Your DH needs to protect himself, and you, from ending up having to pay for the parents with no Medicaid. See a professional as soon as you can, before these people shoot themselves in the foot.

[Anonymous]

Huh? You sell everything, use it for care and then go into a nursing home via long term Medicaid. Bil has no obligation to pay. If you take the house and don’t pay fair market Medicaid will not help and yes you should pay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good God. Your DH is not obligated to BIL! BIL does not own the vacation home. He has zero right to an inheritance and zero right to the property. He is completely off his rocker if he feels entitled to anything at all.

I would have them sell it ASAP and keep the money for themselves. Medicaid has certain lookback rules that you need to understand. Shifting money to Mr. Entitled could cause them a lot of problems if they need Medicaid to cover their care eventually. Your DH needs to protect himself, and you, from ending up having to pay for the parents with no Medicaid. See a professional as soon as you can, before these people shoot themselves in the foot.

PP is entirely correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to see a pro financial planner ASAP to understand the Medicaid rules in your state.

I'm sorry that your Bill is so clueless. He needs to hear a reality check from the financial planner that he will likely not be receiving an inheritance because dementia care is so costly.

You need to see a lawyer affiliated with the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys (NAELA), not a generic “financial planner,) before any transactions, buy outs, etc. This is not a field for dabblers.

[Anonymous]

BIL needs to say goodbye to his inheritance.

Medicaid look-back period is critical, PP is right. They won't take everything if there is a valid spouse that depends on the couple's assets or income, but the reality is that planning needs to go in the direction of a Medicaid home.

[Anonymous]

This is OP - thanks for the responses here. For now, there is plenty of money but there is a chance that they could burn through it all if MiL lives a long time. She will not be willing to live in a Medicaid bed, so I'm anticipating that all the funds - possibly some of ours - could go to support her at some point.

BiL is not always the most logical individual, somewhat vocal on how he expects an inheritance, and has been hellbent on how he is owed half the vacation house proceeds immediately. I see DH wrestling with this, so appreciate the feedback.

My parents both received Medicaid for their LTC. There were fortunate to have better facility options than what is ILs' hometown.

Thanks again.

[Anonymous]

She may have no choice on the Medicaid bed. Do not sell the house and give him the money. Hang on to it till you need it for care. He can demand what he wants but no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP - thanks for the responses here. For now, there is plenty of money but there is a chance that they could burn through it all if MiL lives a long time. She will not be willing to live in a Medicaid bed, so I'm anticipating that all the funds - possibly some of ours - could go to support her at some point.

BiL is not always the most logical individual, somewhat vocal on how he expects an inheritance, and has been hellbent on how he is owed half the vacation house proceeds immediately. I see DH wrestling with this, so appreciate the feedback.

My parents both received Medicaid for their LTC. There were fortunate to have better facility options than what is ILs' hometown.

Thanks again.

By the time it happens your MIL may be too far gone to know the difference. Don't indulge that.

You need a financial pro specializing in Medicaid to be the bad guy here. If your DH thinks it won't be a big deal to pay for his mother, he needs to understand how much it actually will cost. Especially with clueless selfish BIL not helping. Make the financial pro the bad guy here. Have him present scenarios-- and one of them should be that they have a very costly health problem of the healthy spouse, they need way more care, they can't get Medicaid because of stupidly giving to BIL, and they have to pay out of pocket for both spouses for 5 years before Medicaid is an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP - thanks for the responses here. For now, there is plenty of money but there is a chance that they could burn through it all if MiL lives a long time. She will not be willing to live in a Medicaid bed, so I'm anticipating that all the funds - possibly some of ours - could go to support her at some point.

BiL is not always the most logical individual, somewhat vocal on how he expects an inheritance, and has been hellbent on how he is owed half the vacation house proceeds immediately. I see DH wrestling with this, so appreciate the feedback.

My parents both received Medicaid for their LTC. There were fortunate to have better facility options than what is ILs' hometown.

Thanks again.

If she runs out of money and needs 24/7 care, it can set you back $300,000+ each year. Do you have an extra $300,000 each year to spend like that?

[Anonymous]

Your BIL is demanding money for himself over his parents using that money to pay for their care needs?

Inheritance means when his parents die. It will only be known if there’s any money left once they die. If we are talking about the five-year look back period, with the help of an experience attorney, you can figure out how to shift some assets. But in the end, if Medicare doesn’t cover their care needs, is your brother-in-law really going to be enjoying himself at a vacation home or sitting in his pile of “inheritance money” while his parents aren’t getting their basic needs met?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like BIL understands how this works and is trying to get what he can while there's still five years of money left. And your DH is clueless and will end up holding the bag.