The neighbors wife doesn’t acknowledge, should I wave or speak anyway? Let her be and say or do nothing?

[Anonymous]

Townhouse neighbors and the husband/partner speaks, randomly stops by when we are in the garage to say hello, just very friendly. The teenage children the pair have are as well. The wife however has never spoken to our family. When we are both outside, nothing. I’ve been greeted by the two teenagers while she’s been with them and returned the greeting. She speaks to them of course, I see her out exercising or going off to work. I don’t want to be overly in her space but want to be a good neighbor. It’s just feeling awkward.

Would you wave in passing? speak? Let her be and say or do nothing?

[Anonymous]

Just say hello and don’t be offended if she doesn’t speak back. It’s possible she’s hard of hearing, has a soft voice and is responding to you but you don’t hear it, or just a very shy or anxious person. You can try inviting her over for coffee and cake sometime if you’re inclined, but I wouldn’t overthink the whole thing. Just continue being pleasant.

[Anonymous]

I would keep it to Good mornings or hellos and go from there. Be sure to smile. I’ve known couples like this but never really figured it out either.

[Anonymous]

Let her be. Your description sounds like a woman who wants her neighbors to not interact. It could be social anxiety, bad experiences, low bandwidth or she is oblivious but fight your urge to crack her comfort zone.

[Anonymous]

Smile, wave. It's not personal, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would keep it to Good mornings or hellos and go from there. Be sure to smile. I’ve known couples like this but never really figured it out either.

Yes I have a neighbor like this. I often don't say anything but just give a wave and a smile. It's not usually returned, but I feel better if I do that instead of frosty silence.

I think some people are socially awkward. We had another couple on our street like this. One would wave and chat and the other would try to almost run me over. The pandemic changed everything. All of a sudden the "mean" one starting becoming everyone's best friend and then would wave and be super friendly. It was really odd, but a nice change.

[Anonymous]

We have a female neighbor like this. You can be walking right towards her walking down the sidewalk, and she's spaced out. I believe she's like that with everyone. I smile and do a little wave, often mutter "good morning" but nothing. Oh well.

I don't need to make conversation (frankly prefer not to!) but that just seems who she is. It's super weird to not acknowledge people, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a female neighbor like this. You can be walking right towards her walking down the sidewalk, and she's spaced out. I believe she's like that with everyone. I smile and do a little wave, often mutter "good morning" but nothing. Oh well.

I don't need to make conversation (frankly prefer not to!) but that just seems who she is. It's super weird to not acknowledge people, though.

Maybe she’s just shy? Some people have anxiety you know. It could be as simply that.

You shouldn’t take is personal.

[Anonymous]

That’s PPs! I think most of my awkward feeling was how close the husband and kids have become to us. Sometimes they will come by our home alone or together and stay for a few minutes updating me (entirely unprovoked) on their lives or even walk along with me to get the mail (we have those boxes at the center of the community) They are so outgoing that I didn’t want her to feel that I was not interested in knowing her in the same manner.

[Anonymous]

your neighbor started her own thread:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1231990.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:your neighbor started her own thread:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1231990.page

[Anonymous]

Let her be. It is obvious to her that you are trying to make her talk to you. You may not have started with that intention, but that is what the interactions have become, and she can sense that. If it were me I am not going to talk to someone who is trying to make me talk to them. Townhomes are close together--being outside doesn't mean that she wants to be social or engage with others. It just means she wants to be outside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let her be. It is obvious to her that you are trying to make her talk to you. You may not have started with that intention, but that is what the interactions have become, and she can sense that. If it were me I am not going to talk to someone who is trying to make me talk to them. Townhomes are close together--being outside doesn't mean that she wants to be social or engage with others. It just means she wants to be outside.

+1

She's shown very clearly that she doesn't want to talk. No use in forcing her to do it.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she has social anxiety? A lot of people do.

Or it has to do with proximity. When I lived in a NOVA townhome for a decade, it had something to do with creating some space between me and my super-social, chatty neighbors. I already felt so closed in with people sitting on top of me from ever direction. Sharing walls. I could not look out any window of my townhome without feeling like I was staring into a neighbor's house. I needed my emotional space living in such close quarters. It could be a bit much sometimes. I didn't want to get too close to my super-social neighbors because I couldn't get away from them. It would be like starting a conversation with a stranger on an airplane during a 16-hour flight, only this stranger knows where I live.

[Anonymous]

My MIL is like this. We had to stay at their house once when we were first married. I was chatting with the next door neighbor and she told me she had never spoken to MIL and didn't even know her name. They'd lived next to each other for 25 years.
She's painfully shy and awkward.