scared about delivery....

[Anonymous]

I'm due in June with my first. I want to first say that I am sooooo excited to be a mom and meet the new addition to our lives. However, I am sooo scared about how this baby will come out of me! I am not a whiner and have had an easy pregnancy. I'm not a total whimp, but I know that I will want pain meds. The more I read the more scared I get- so many things can go wrong. Any tips or suggestions from moms who have been through delivery would be wonderful.

[Anonymous]

First of all ... delivering a baby will never be a fun thing to do. I can advise you though to not think about it too much and just see what happens. It will often turn out differently than you expect it to be. My delivery wasn't fun but in hindsight it wasn't that terrible either and I know it's a cliche but the fact is that once you're baby is out you have forgotten all about the hours before and although I said I wouldn't do it again, I am about to give birth in 4 weeks. So you do forget...

You will be suprised of how strong you are and will be during delivery ... nature takes care of all that.

Please try not to worry about it and go with the flow ..
Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I recommend watching a few birth videos (not Birth Story on tv, but rather the ones where you actually see the baby emerge from the birth canal). It is very common to have this fear - and sometimes to "panic" during transition (the period during delivery right before you start pushing) that there is no way the baby can come out through your vagina.

I, for instance, became convinced that I had "a human being stuck in my vagina" during transition and briefly considered begging them to give me a c-section. And I am a biiiiiiiig advocate for vaginal birth and have been present at several births as a helper. LOL. There was just a huge cognitive disconnect between the reality of the rather large-seeming baby inside me and my previous experiences of my own vagina. It simply did not seem possible.

But, IT IS POSSIBLE. And it is an amazing and powerfully miraculous process. One moment there is one human being on earth and, in the next moment, there are two.

Also, I HIGHLY recommend reading any of the books by prominent midwife Ina May Gaskin. She is amazing and her books really help connect you with your power as a woman to create and give birth to a new life.

[Anonymous]

I definitely recommend you take some sort of birthing class. I took Lamaze and found it very helpful. I knew that I too wanted pain meds, but the relaxation techniques definitely help. It also helps to learn about the different stages of labor and what to expect. In addition they can teach you things (certain types of massage and positions) that will help with the labor and lessen the likelihood of tearing.

[Anonymous]

The best thing about child birth is that you quickly forget afterwards what it was really like! You never know how it is going to go, so take a class so you feel educated and try not to worry too much. I had a VERY hard labor with my first, and here i am having a second regardless.

[Anonymous]

I think my birth class went right out the window--sorry but it did. What I did do was bring a book with me and tried to think of anything but labor between contractions. I wound up with an epidoral and that was a lot easier than I thought--probably because I was in quite a bit of pain by then so anything that could take it away was a okay with me. I was so zen that when there was a problem and I needed an emergency csection-I was not even worried, I just knew it was all okay. And it was!! My suggestion to you is just think about your personality. Me..I am a worrier so I just thought of anything but labor and this managed to calm me. I too am pregnant with number two and this time am not worried at all--seriously, I have had more trouble with root canals. Now..if you are hoping to go completely drug free-I have no advice because I am waaaaaay too wimpy for that but some people swear by it and think it wasn't that mad. I do promise that once you see your baby, you will forget anything uncomfortable-it is a great moment in your life!

[Anonymous]

take a deep breath, ask for an epidural if you feel you need it. I never took a class, I did watch lots of Baby Story on tlc while on bed rest. Don't worry, you will breath. Congrats on your pregnancy and soon to be baby. Once you go into labor, you will forget your fear and just want to get that baby out. Good luck

[Anonymous]

pp hear again, best advice I ever got while pregnant was "stop reading". At least the bad stuff. You can scare yourself to pieces. It is rare to have a problem these days. If you are due in June, you have past the scariest part, first trimester. Keep telling yourself that everything will be good, and try to focus on the beautiful baby you are about to have. And get all the sleep you possibly can now because that part is true, you will be sleep deprived.

[Anonymous]

Actually I found the birth videos and lamaze express class freaked me out even more. Like the OP, I was also very scared, but I was just the opposite with the pain meds. I was adament about not having them even though the L&D nurses and the doc. asked me at least three times.

I actually forgot to be scared - I kept my eyes closed when the contractions became intense and my DH talked to me to keep me preoccupied during the lulls. When it came time to do the pushing it all went very fast. Yes, it was uncomfortable, but it is such an awesome feeling afterwards - like you ran this really long marathon and your prize is this beautiful baby and a start to a family.
Plus, the surge of hormones will flood your body with endorphines, milk let down, tears of joy, sense of relief, etc.

You'll forget the throes of labor - mother nature makes sure of that - why do you think women have more than 1 child?

Good luck, you'll be fine. Before you know it, you yourself will be posting a message on here to future moms with helpful advice! I'm living proof.

[Anonymous]

I have to agree with those who say "stop reading!"

I had also totally freaked myself out. Hearing anything medical (even little things like getting an IV) scared me more.

I took a birth class just to know enough.

I am happy to report (2 pregnancies later) that I have only wonderful memories of the labors. Your mind fogs it all up (and it has nothing to do with epidurals - because I don't remember anything from before the epidurals either.) I don't remember making the phone calls to tell family I was in labor. I only remember snippets of walking the halls waiting waiting waiting for the anesthesiologist (I'm told it was hours).

What I do remember is the absolute happiest moments of my life.

Nothing turned out as I expected (long labor, c-section, etc). And it was all better than I could have ever imagined.

You can do. And you will be wonderful. Good luck!!

[Anonymous]

For as curious as I am to see how other labors go, watching them and reading about them has never helped me to calm any fears--it always just makes me more anxious and worried about the possibilities. I also took a birthing class and promptly forgot everything I had been told.

I will have my second baby in just a couple of weeks and already I look back on my first delivery, just 12 months ago, with rose-colored glasses. I had no idea what to expect at the time--there's no way you could, since your labor will be unique. So you take it one moment at a time and it all becomes manageable.

[Anonymous]

The whole process is primal. It can be scary at times, but they pass amazingly quickly. I think the one thing that made it all bearable was the fact that I was not in my right mind. I had no drugs for the majority of labor and still felt high as a kite. I'm sure it is mother nature's way.
Time passes faster, the entire world disappears when you close your eyes, everything seems surreal ...it is like nothing else. Your body will tell you what to do or do it for you.

Of my 10+ hours of labor, I can only recall about an hours worth of bits and pieces. I remember everything after she was born. It is an amazing process.

[Anonymous]

You know what, I didn't think it was really that bad. I had a nurse that took really good care of me in the hospital, and I imagine you will too. Yes, there is pain, but you will be able to handle it. You can always ask for an epidural, and that will help you a lot. I went through full labor including the pushing phase only to end up with a C-Section. I was scared going in for the C-Section, but you know what? That was fine too. It really helped to have my husband there. I hope you have a partner there to provide support and reassure you. Just focus on the outcome - you are about to meet your baby for the first time!!! That will overshadow your anxieties. Congratulations!

[Anonymous]

Thinking about this really helped me: Billions of women have done this successfully since the dawn of time. It is the most natural thing imaginable -- it is how our species recreates.

And this: If you are in good health and have had good prenatal care and don't have any nutritional disorders (like rickets) or fashion choices (like daily corset-wearing) that have deformed your pelvis, the odds of childbirth complications are extremely low. Seriously.

You mention "so many things can go wrong" -- first, that is true of everything in life. So many things can go wrong the minute you step out of bed, drive a car, etc. Second, perhaps it will help if you list the specific things you are afraid will go wrong, and then research or talk to your provider about how likely they are. In my case, I was afraid of hemorrhaging. But I talked to my nurse-midwife about it, and learned that (1) it's pretty unusual and (2) if it happens, they go through x-y-z steps to fix it (uterine massage, pitocin, transfusions, etc). That made me feel so much better.

Do not watch "A Baby Story" or most other reality birth shows like that. They try to ratchet up the drama for the sake of the show. ("The baby's heart rate is dropping!!!! What will happen!!!!!") Pssh. I hate "A Baby Story" for a lot of reasons, but convincing pregnant women that birth is fraught with peril is the biggest one...

Ignore women who want to tell you horror stories about their neighbor's cousin's friend's god-awful birth. These people get weird sadistic pleasure from scaring you. Don't let them.

Try a childbirth ed class -- I took a great Lamaze class with Mary Lou Tietz. She had a model of the pelvic bones which she used to show the way women's pelvises can just open up to let the baby out -- it's amazing. It's like there's hinges in there! Seeing that made me realize that my body has all sorts of tricks to make this work that I'm not even consciously aware of. Your body is made for this.

Childbirth hurt (I went meds-free) but for me it was not excruciating. I had heard it described as "pain with a purpose," which resonated for me. It wasn't the suffering of being injured; it was like: ok, my uterus needs to cramp like this, which hurts, in order to get the baby out; so I'll cope with it and then it will be over. And like for PPs, time warped in a crazy way. Hours passed in a blink -- I was practically in a trance.

And when it is over, you forget so fast! Such joy, such awe -- this new baby has appeared on the earth! Thanks to you! I totally agree with the PP who compared it to running a marathon. I was so freakin' proud of myself when it was over, and so was DH.

So, in sum, YOU CAN DO IT! Hope you are feeling better about it. Post again to let us know!

[Anonymous]

I was petrified of everything - being pregnant, giving birth (especially!!!) and being a mom. It all went so smoothly - it was the best time of my life and the day I gave birth was the best day of my life. I did not read up or even take a birthing class. I just showed up and did it! And I am someone who faints at the thought of giving blood! You will do great - just show up and let nature take it's course. I did have an epidural - and I am glad I did - my labor was quick and my baby was and is very healthy! Good luck - you will be fine!