Sick of my family right now- I’m tuning them out permanently.

[Anonymous]

- even the dog. 16 DD home today because of a stomach ache. I’m sure it’s real because it’s her nerves. I’m so tired of her anxiety issues, forever ongoing. I’m even afraid she won’t leave home one day to launch her life. DS is a dud. He’s exactly what you’re reading about in the WSJ about the downgrade in boys/“men to be”.

I try so hard to promote confidence, independence, responsibility, not to take the bait with petty kids but my kids have no backbone. My husband has, to some degree, helped with these issues. People say it’s normal teen behavior but it’s more than that. I see it with other kids too. Thank goodness I’m going on a girls weekend but I want to run away. When I was little my babysitter left her family of 5 kids. I get it now.

I am just functioning, I don’t think I can turn back. I’m totally turned off and barely talk to my family including my mother living with us. I love her but wish she would pass on already.

The only way I get through is that I spend 15-30 minutes with each of them to fake it through. Too old to divorce and start over. Anyone else feel this way? Thanks for letting me vent.

[Anonymous]

I have felt this way, and it passes. I think it's hormones combined with teenage and husband bs, where it becomes unbearable for a time period.

I'm glad you are able to get away and take time for yourself. Even when it's too much and you can't get away, go for a long walk or movie alone. It always helps me to reset.

[Anonymous]

You’re never too old to start over. Seriously. If you hate your life so much do something different. Change something.

[Anonymous]

100% op! I get it! I want to run away and start over everyday except this time I won't get married ever again. I can't bear my life anymore...

[Anonymous]

Is it possible you are catastrophizing a bit?
Either way, I hope you can focus on yourself this weekend and not the gloom of home and family expectations.

[Anonymous]

Op, do you mind sharing your ethnic background?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, do you mind sharing your ethnic background?

What does that have to do with anything?

[Anonymous]

You're burned out. Reset some this weekend and come back with a plan to change something practical to take something off you.

Your DS is a dud? OK but you keep being kind and supportive when you spend time with him and let him work through his grouchy teen problems himself. Make a dr's appointment for your daughter to have her stomach pain checked. Chances are the doctor will determine as you already suspect that it's anxiety and will discuss this with your daughter with ideas she can use to address it herself. Have one lunch or tea or catchup chat scheduled with your mom each week. Let her know that you'd like to make this a calendar date because she's important to you. What scheduling does is actually giving you mental space the rest of the weekdays to not feel guilty about not spending more time with her. Be nice to DH but he can manage for himself at this point in time because you need more space to breathe right now.

Make a list of small things you enjoy like a podcast or a certain drink. Fit those in when you can. Make a list of bigger things like taking yourself out for coffee, signing up for a weekly exercise class, update your resume. Put those on your calendar and follow through.

[Anonymous]

Ok Op!
You sound like you ALSO have anxiety because the way you describe your kids sounds like you are catastrophizing.
It’s fine to feel overwhelmed and burnt out, we have all been there.
So take a day or two to get some rest, decompress and then when you are ready try to step back and look at your complaints from a distance. What are your expectations if your kids? Are they too much or perhaps you are catastrophizing the future outcomes of what they are dealing with now.
I have a kid with ADHD and anxiety. HS was hellish but he is doing great in college, as I’m taking the lead in his health, finding resources and working on maturity.
And the best part is he tells his friends that our support of him with his issues is the only reason he made it thru.
This is a marathon, take your foot off the gas pedal OP.
Remember they are KIDS, how much independence should you expect at 16?
Plus, they have been raised in an urgency, social media culture that has short circuited their attention spans.
Take a step back, try to relax and loosen the pressure valve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're burned out. Reset some this weekend and come back with a plan to change something practical to take something off you.

Your DS is a dud? OK but you keep being kind and supportive when you spend time with him and let him work through his grouchy teen problems himself. Make a dr's appointment for your daughter to have her stomach pain checked. Chances are the doctor will determine as you already suspect that it's anxiety and will discuss this with your daughter with ideas she can use to address it herself. Have one lunch or tea or catchup chat scheduled with your mom each week. Let her know that you'd like to make this a calendar date because she's important to you. What scheduling does is actually giving you mental space the rest of the weekdays to not feel guilty about not spending more time with her. Be nice to DH but he can manage for himself at this point in time because you need more space to breathe right now.

Make a list of small things you enjoy like a podcast or a certain drink. Fit those in when you can. Make a list of bigger things like taking yourself out for coffee, signing up for a weekly exercise class, update your resume. Put those on your calendar and follow through.

Great advice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok Op!
You sound like you ALSO have anxiety because the way you describe your kids sounds like you are catastrophizing.
It’s fine to feel overwhelmed and burnt out, we have all been there.
So take a day or two to get some rest, decompress and then when you are ready try to step back and look at your complaints from a distance. What are your expectations if your kids? Are they too much or perhaps you are catastrophizing the future outcomes of what they are dealing with now.
I have a kid with ADHD and anxiety. HS was hellish but he is doing great in college, as I’m taking the lead in his health, finding resources and working on maturity.
And the best part is he tells his friends that our support of him with his issues is the only reason he made it thru.
This is a marathon, take your foot off the gas pedal OP.
Remember they are KIDS, how much independence should you expect at 16?
Plus, they have been raised in an urgency, social media culture that has short circuited their attention spans.
Take a step back, try to relax and loosen the pressure valve.

Meant to say HE IS TAKING THE LEAD WITH HIS HEALTH.

[Anonymous]

It's understandable to be burned out as a caregiver and parent, but it's NEVER acceptable to shame people for things they cannot control.

My daughter has anxiety and intestinal troubles, both linked to her lupus, an autoimmune disease. My son has ADHD/ASD, and yes, he's more at risk than the average of failure to launch (right now he's in college, we'll see how it goes). There are REASONS why my kids act the way they do, and I understand and accept that a lot of it is genetic predisposition, and not something they will ever be able to change about themselves.

My kids do the best they can. They're allowed to have bad days. I am allowed to have bad days. Sometimes I allow myself to just chuck everything and not lift a finger for anyone except myself!

But I don't blame others. That's cruel and unfair.

[Anonymous]

If your kids need medication and/or specifically targeted therapy for their diagnosable disorders, then that's what they need. Tinkering around with building soft skills isn't going to help brains that need chemicals to manage anxiety or depression or ADHD or whatever.

I mention this because you're criticizing your poor kids for what sounds like serious problems, usually managed by experts, without mentioning the involvement of said experts.

You lack self-awareness about your own issues as well. Normal parents who get burn-out don't place all the blame on others. They just say: "I've got too much on my plate right now, with normal teen stuff and eldercare and work and nobody picking up the slack at home - let me get away for the weekend."

You need professional help yourself, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your kids need medication and/or specifically targeted therapy for their diagnosable disorders, then that's what they need. Tinkering around with building soft skills isn't going to help brains that need chemicals to manage anxiety or depression or ADHD or whatever.

I mention this because you're criticizing your poor kids for what sounds like serious problems, usually managed by experts, without mentioning the involvement of said experts.

You lack self-awareness about your own issues as well. Normal parents who get burn-out don't place all the blame on others. They just say: "I've got too much on my plate right now, with normal teen stuff and eldercare and work and nobody picking up the slack at home - let me get away for the weekend."

You need professional help yourself, OP.

OP acknowledges that she is on fumes and is feeling pulled in100 directions by people who rely on her to support them mentally, physically and emotionally.

She gets to feel frustrated with them. She gets to vent on an anonymous internet site. She gets to have fantasies of leaving. That doesn't mean she doesn't care about everyone's well-being.

How about when you pour immeasurable time, resources, providers, meds, and worry into your DC and they're still struggling. This is me, and yet I'm not chastising OP. We don't know what she has and hasn't offered or considered.

[Anonymous]

I have no idea what OP has tried with these kids. But meds for her daughter’s anxiety and meds for OP’s anxiety and/or depression should be considered.