6 yr old son - odd behaviours

[Anonymous]

My 6 yr old son acts really odd when he is feeling anxious. Situations that make him anxious: meeting new people, 1st 5 minutes of a play date, going to a place with a lot of people (church for example), etc. He often feels every one is looking at him and then he gets nervous and starts behaving oddly. For example, repeating the word "poop", clinging to my arm to the point of hanging off it, burying his head in my belly (sometimes almost tries to go up my shirt). Of course all these things make people look at him, which validates his feelings that people are looking at him.

On the other end, he is very highly intelligent (I know, I know all moms say this) By age 2 his teachers at the day care tell me he is going to be "tagged" when he is of age - even his kindergarten teacher told me that this past year in one of our conversations. He is 6 and can do mathematical problems I learned in Middle or High School - granted, they are teaching math differently now. Anyway, I kind of have the attitude that "with comes genious, comes other issues" or something to that effect; however, I really, really want him to have some close friends and right now he has none and I see that he does not relate to kids his own age. I cannot go to the pediatrician about this as it is not a medical concern; I spoke with the school counselor last year and she was no help. Help!

[Anonymous]

OP here - I need to add that he is the one that really, really wants friends and when I see him with other boys he simply tries way to hard and then the boys are "put off" by him and he is out cast.

[Anonymous]

Has he taken an intelligence test? An education consultant could do that. If he's profoundly gifted, he may not relate to his peers which could make social interactions with them tricky.
You might want to raise this with his pediatrician; some deal with psychological/behavioral issues, can refer you to a therapist etc.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I have seen many, many, many boys around that age act in the way you describe. I find that to be actually pretty normal. Honestly, the only time I have ever seen it dealt with effectively is when the attendant parent doesn't coddle the behavior. If he is saying, "poop," no mention is made of it and it is ignored. If he is clinging and burrowing, the parent tells the boy to stop, that parent is leaving, will be back at Y time, and have fun! Mostly dads deal best with this type of dependent clingy behavior because they just ignore it and set the kid on the way to having a good time. I haven't yet seen a mom deal effectively with the behavior as my friends and the parents of my kid's classmates egg their scared little boy on instead of encouraging them to be independent.

[Anonymous]

OP,
Where do you live? DC, MD or VA?

Some kids do not intuitively pick up social behavior but can benefit from being taught directly. Have you considered a social skills class? If he feels more comfortable interacting I'm betting that he will be less anxious.

I would raise the issue with your ped, couldn't hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,
Where do you live? DC, MD or VA?

Some kids do not intuitively pick up social behavior but can benefit from being taught directly. Have you considered a social skills class? If he feels more comfortable interacting I'm betting that he will be less anxious.

I would raise the issue with your ped, couldn't hurt.

My thoughts exactly. He might really benefit from a social skills class. Where do you live?

[Anonymous]

Shouldn't this be in the Specail Needs forum Jeff?

[Anonymous]

Not sure if you are still checking this, OP, but my son has some similarities and he has been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. One of the PP's advice (to ignore the child's behavior) may work with a typical kid, but if your child suffers from real anxiety, he may need extra support. I am not suggesting that you coddle him more in the moment, but mostly that you help prepare him better for the situations that cause anxiety. He may also need help acquiring strategies to get through anxious experiences. If you ignore him or push him, it is likely that you will increase his anxiety in the moment and maybe even overall, since he will feel misunderstood, left out, and ostracized. It may be better to briefly acknowledge his feelings (help him put them into words so that he learns to do so himself and knows that you understand him) and then try to help him think positively about the situation. Of course, your child may just be a little shy, but since you seemed worried, I thought I would share our experience. If you think that your child's anxiety is interfering with his social development (in our case it was interfering with that and much more), then I strongly recommend contacting a child psychologist. We have been working with one and she has helped our whole family immensely. My son still experiences a lot of anxiety but he has more resources now and is so much happier and better able to relate to other kids.