Inattentive ADHD/ADD
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Anonymous
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I’m a 50’year old woman who always did very well in high school, worked very hard in a T10 university, and picked an occupation I’m naturally good at for success.
My kids have all struggled with studying and academic achievement, although they are quite smart with great EQ. We had my oldest tested and it was clear he had low processing speed but we were only told it was an “indicator” of ADD/ADHD and we weren’t referred for additional testing. Middle child struggles mightily at school and we’ve adjusted but again never referred for testing. I’ve never pushed it because I knew I was unlikely to medicate the kids as it is really only seen in their academics (which are admittedly important) and not their behavior or judgment. That said, I’m trying new things now and it’s become so obvious to me that I-myself- have markers of ADD. My mother just revealed to me that my father was advised that I was “hyperactive” in elementary school and that I should see a therapist (80s talk) but because I was reading 6 novels a week, he blew off that talk. So- is it too late for any of us? Are there ways to deal with this that don’t involve medication? I’ve obviously compensated for weird tics I have throughout my life with success but is that it if we don’t want to resort to meds? I know, go ahead and pile on about my horrible parenting- my kids are happy and thriving - they just aren’t Ivy League bound. But I do think we need help. |
Anonymous
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I went to a top 3 school. Many of my classmates are discovering they have ADHD or the way you are. They had great careers but are discovering their kids are daydreaming or are hyperactive. Usually at least one parent then learns they have a similar brain process as the struggling child. Sometimes it’s an uncle or other relative which can make it a bit harder. For my friends who they or their spouse have a similar brain pattern, they treat that parent first. That way the parent can know what the CBT feels like, the side effect of medication, the impact of all the different treatments, scaffolding etc. Then when parent felt comfortable, they use what they’ve learned on themselves with the kids. Even if the kid goes with different treatment, usually the parent was enough of a proxy to understand what the child was going through so that it doesn’t feel like they’re in the dark about their child’s experience.
Kids are doing great. Side effect: executive functioning requires less energy for the parent too. It’s like getting a new battery to run on. |
Anonymous
| I got by just fine on my intelligence but definitely only reached half my potential. Diagnosed early 50s and meds have helped me not completely lose my mind post kids and premenopausal I think most of us actually just need a lot of therapy to unpack the “what ifs” if we knew this about ourselves earlier. I am still dealing with a lot of grief. And all this while my emotional regulation workarounds don’t help when I live in a household with two young kids who have ADHD too. It’s rough as hell. If you are able, get an evaluation and see if it’s helpful. |
Anonymous
^That should say diagnosed early 40s, not 50s. That’s when the wheels came off. |
Anonymous
| If you dig enough, everyone of us has a label. |
Anonymous
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I was a smart kid with ADHD and didn't do as well in school as a result. This negatively impacted my self-esteem for a long time.
The self-esteem impacts of not doing as well as they could in school could last for decades. If I could have had help as a child, I would have been so grateful. I totally hear you on not wanting to use the medicine, yet you would do it if they had cancer or a heart condition because you'd know they needed it. Consider why you would or would not give them medication for ADHD and why it does or does not seem like a good idea to have it prescribed for them. |
Anonymous
| Adult ADHD is in the middle of an over diagnosis explosion. |