Verbally abusive DH

[Anonymous]

Trashed me completely in front of both DCs, a veritable character assassination because through therapy, I learned not to give in to every demand he has. He totally lost it over a period of 2 weeks. One of my two DCs now avoids me, and moved closer to DH. I know there’s some psychological reason for this behavior but there is nothing I can do about it and it hurts. It’s also really unfair.

[Anonymous]

Damn

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trashed me completely in front of both DCs, a veritable character assassination because through therapy, I learned not to give in to every demand he has. He totally lost it over a period of 2 weeks. One of my two DCs now avoids me, and moved closer to DH. I know there’s some psychological reason for this behavior but there is nothing I can do about it and it hurts. It’s also really unfair.

Wait. Are you married to him or divorced?

[Anonymous]

Unfair? Why are you still thinking about yourself? Kids just want peace and quiet. You two have to split up for them to get it.

[Anonymous]

Kids will sometimes identify with the abusive parent and think that the mom "deserved it" because they can't comprehend that one of their parents is choosing to hurt the other. This phenomenon can be much worse if the abused parent hasn't left the abusive situation yet. Are you divorced? That alone will make it better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids will sometimes identify with the abusive parent and think that the mom "deserved it" because they can't comprehend that one of their parents is choosing to hurt the other. This phenomenon can be much worse if the abused parent hasn't left the abusive situation yet. Are you divorced? That alone will make it better.

I just can’t imagine that DC would think any of these allegations are true - that I am a greedy woman who just married him for money (he’s unemployed and I am the breadwinner, he used to have a job though), that he magically paid for our lives and I just worked for fun and to get away from home, that I hate them, that I am from a poor and awful family (my dad was a lawyer), and the list goes on. DC is 13, I don’t understand how she can believe any of this and doesn’t see how these things are blatant lies.

[Anonymous]

Life is so much better after divorce. Just do it. It's really hard but it is worth it. One foot in front of the other.

The people who tell you not to "blow up your family" are just envious that they haven't done it.

Do it.

[Anonymous]

So you’re supporting an unemployed guy who is mean to you? Just get a divorce, this thread isn’t necessary.

She’s going to him bc you’re the one who change behaviors, which resulted in the chaos. Doesn’t matter that you’re “right.”

Why isn’t your stupid therapist telling you to leave?

[Anonymous]

Therapists don’t weigh in.

[Anonymous]

Divorce that loser

[Anonymous]

Ugh, I am so sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

My husband has been so unreasonable and mean to everyone over the years, that my teens and I ended up really bonding together, for self-defense.

Continue to explain your side of it. Your teens will see the truth at some point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids will sometimes identify with the abusive parent and think that the mom "deserved it" because they can't comprehend that one of their parents is choosing to hurt the other. This phenomenon can be much worse if the abused parent hasn't left the abusive situation yet. Are you divorced? That alone will make it better.

I just can’t imagine that DC would think any of these allegations are true - that I am a greedy woman who just married him for money (he’s unemployed and I am the breadwinner, he used to have a job though), that he magically paid for our lives and I just worked for fun and to get away from home, that I hate them, that I am from a poor and awful family (my dad was a lawyer), and the list goes on. DC is 13, I don’t understand how she can believe any of this and doesn’t see how these things are blatant lies.

You need to tell her, repeatedly.

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m sorry. This sounds really painful. Know that turning others against you is part of the abuse. Also, extinction bursts can be long, painful experiences.

You don’t deserve this. Please take care of yourself, as no one else can.

[Anonymous]

There is no fixing your marriage. You just need to divorce him.