Boy using filthy words in my native language on the bus

[Anonymous]

There is a boy on the bus who speaks the same native language as us. My DD says he jokes around a lot and calls the girls a lot of names in my native language. He knows my DD is not very fluent and called her friend monkey and so on initially which was just in jest. Yesterday my DD asked me what one word was and I was shocked. He called the girl a C word in my native language. Apparently he uses this and a few others that my DD mentioned on all these girls who don't know the language. He also calls an autistic kid an autistic monkey when she is not nearby. Do I do anything about this or let the kids deal? For now I asked my DD to tell him that the next time he uses those words I will have a talk with his mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a boy on the bus who speaks the same native language as us. My DD says he jokes around a lot and calls the girls a lot of names in my native language. He knows my DD is not very fluent and called her friend monkey and so on initially which was just in jest. Yesterday my DD asked me what one word was and I was shocked. He called the girl a C word in my native language. Apparently he uses this and a few others that my DD mentioned on all these girls who don't know the language. He also calls an autistic kid an autistic monkey when she is not nearby. Do I do anything about this or let the kids deal? For now I asked my DD to tell him that the next time he uses those words I will have a talk with his mom.

I would just be thrilled this isn’t my problem and tell my kid to steer clear of this kid and act like she didn’t hear/understand anything. I don’t see how you intervening would help you or your DD. He might just be a kid testing boundaries or he might grow into an awful adult, either way it shouldn’t affect you.

[Anonymous]

What language

[Anonymous]

A kid like this.
He's not fooling the girls. They probably can tell he's a weirdo. You aren't helping them by revealing that someone has been calling them vulgar names no one else can understand. If it escalates, that's different.

[Anonymous]

Latin, pig Latin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a boy on the bus who speaks the same native language as us. My DD says he jokes around a lot and calls the girls a lot of names in my native language. He knows my DD is not very fluent and called her friend monkey and so on initially which was just in jest. Yesterday my DD asked me what one word was and I was shocked. He called the girl a C word in my native language. Apparently he uses this and a few others that my DD mentioned on all these girls who don't know the language. He also calls an autistic kid an autistic monkey when she is not nearby. Do I do anything about this or let the kids deal? For now I asked my DD to tell him that the next time he uses those words I will have a talk with his mom.

Great for your kid!

[Anonymous]

I think talking to his mom is actually a pretty good next step, particularly if you have met before.

My next step would actually be to tell my daughter that he's using sexist and ablest language, and have her tell her friends. Let the power of social ostracization work on him.

[Anonymous]

Does your daughter know enough to tell him to shut up in the language?

Do you ever see this kid at the bus stop or anything? If so I'd lecture him in your language and tell him you're going to have a talk with his mom.

But then again, he's hearing these words at home so maybe the parents won't care.

[Anonymous]

Age?

[Anonymous]

Talk to parents, talk to bus driver, talk to school admin

[Anonymous]

Don't use your child as your emissary. You're putting a target on her back. Be the adult.

[Anonymous]

Do you know his Mom? If you do then I would say something.
If not I would email the info to the VP or Principal and let them talk to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A kid like this.
He's not fooling the girls. They probably can tell he's a weirdo. You aren't helping them by revealing that someone has been calling them vulgar names no one else can understand. If it escalates, that's different.

Agree with this. The other kids know he is not saying nice things. Your DD doesn't need to tell him.

If you know his parents, you could tell them. Or if you hear any of it yourself, you could tell him to knock it off. But that's as far as I would take it.

[Anonymous]

What age? If these are 11 year olds, I would talk to the mom. If they are 16 year olds, I would tell my kid to stay as far away from him as possible, do not respond to him at all, and let me know ASAP if he touches her in any way or targets her in any particular way.

Younger kids are testing boundaries and even “good” kids make really dumb choices especially if their social skills are lagging. (Although I’m also wondering where he learned this language — maybe he visits internet sites in his native language or maybe this is how his dad talks to his mom…..)

But by older teens, if they are still doing this, that is bad bad news.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you know his Mom? If you do then I would say something.
If not I would email the info to the VP or Principal and let them talk to him.

But how common is the language? Will it be obvious that it’s OPs daughter that reported it? That might factor into my decision too.