Giving up on family? Not much there. Anyone relate?

[Anonymous]

Most of my immediate family passed aware very prematurely (childhood) and we just had so much trauma and death between my siblings and parents I think our family was just “too much” for all my aunts/uncles and cousins. My extended family and one sibling is all I have. Not much is there with the extended family. I would always make effort to visit, attend weddings etc but it’s not something that would ever be reciprocated or had been reciprocated. If not much is there do you kind of just give up on it? I’ll be honest it’s hard to even make a lot of effort with my sibling because our backstory is so traumatic, no fault to our own. Anyone relate?

[Anonymous]

Yes! Me too.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but I do love my remaining sibling and would do anything for her. Cousins/aunts, I really don't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes! Me too.

I meant to add that I have no siblings and am only in sporadic social media contact with my only two first cousins. Our parents had a falling out and one cousin fought with my father. Everyone else besides my parents is dead.

I focus on my immediate family now- spouse and kids.

[Anonymous]

If you aren't getting anything out of the relationships, it's ok to stop being the one reaching out. There doesn't need to be a formal declaration that You Are Done, just...stop.

Help your other relationships blossom.

I'm sorry you have had to endure so much grief.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I can related OP. My family has a long history of mental illness and substance abuse that meant fractured/limited/poor relationships with extended family for my whole life.

My parents and all of their generation are now gone and I have two siblings and a couple of cousins but they all, literally all, are in the weeds with addiction and mental illness.

I have really been mourning the absence of any healthy family relationships for me, and for my kids. It's very hard. I'm sorry you're in a similar position.

I take some comfort in knowing that in keeping such limited relationships w/ the surviving family members I am actively protecting my kids. They are being raised in a much healthier environment than I was so I feel like I'm doing the best I can to stop the cycle.

I have also worked very hard to develop strong friendships, and I've been blessed in that department. So my kids have several honorary "aunts/uncles/cousins" who genuinely feel like family to them. It's not truly family of course, but they are deeply important and they are strong, healthy loving relationships.

And I've spend a TON of time in therapy working through all of this for myself so that I can feel ok, be a good mom, help my kids find their way, etc...

Good luck OP. If we knew each other in real life we could commiserate.

[Anonymous]

Yes and its freeing

[Anonymous]

Op, I'm sorry for all your losses and trauma/grief. I think it would be nice if you and your sibling could have a good relationship as they are the only person who could totally relate? It's sad that your extended family didn't envelope you in love. You should do whatever feels right. I hope you have a loving family of your own now.