Kids changing schools and adjusting

[Anonymous]

Hi all,

My child abruptly changed schools this year (on a waitlist for a magnet program and his waitlist number came up a week before school started). He's 8 and going into 3rd grade.

We were all geared up for the year to start at his local elementary, and though this was a REALLY sudden shift, we're all pretty excited about it in theory, and it's a great opportunity. So, this is day 3 at the new school.

Not surprisingly, as this school is *very* different in some respects (and more challenging for him, too), and most of his friends are still at the old school, he is telling us that he wants to go back there. I expected this, and think it's a totally normal reaction. Still, any advice for helping him adjust would be appreciated. So far, I've suggested writing down how he feels about it and listing the pros and cons, and re-evauating it after a week, a month, etc. Doing a lot of listening.

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I'm going to cross post this in Older Kids, too.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. Sounds like you are already doing a great job at letting him know that you hear his concerns and understand. I would be very careful about giving him the sense that he might be allowed to switch back as this will just slow his adjustment. (That's not to say you should be completely inflexible, but you wouldn't want to let HIM know it!) Post again if he hasn't settled in after 2-3 weeks ... kids are incredibly resilient and I bet everyone will be doing great by then.

[Anonymous]

Ok here are some tips I have used with my kids and have seen friends do as well. I am actually not sure knowing all summer actually makes a huge difference so don't stress on that.

Expect that the FULL transition can take until Halloween even in good cases - and prep him that it doesn't happen over night. Be really positive on the small successes and also help him make small reaslistic goals. For instance, his goal in terms of friends, he first two weeks is to make connections with one person that could become a friend. His goal by second month is for connections with a second person who could be a friend. For someone wih a pack of friends - it is a transition to start fresh and helping him understand how it is done is a great life skill. Of course, where you can support those friendships with outside activities. On the academic side, support the positive where he has stretched himself even if he hasn't gotten it all correct. Also, given the changes he is going through keep outside stresses to minimum - so make sure well rested, well fed, great family events that support him to be in best place to manage the change.

I agree with pp - I wouldn't put the "reevaluate" term out there and be careful on how you present this. kids can sense there is an out and that can actually make it harder for them. I would focus on that he can and will do this and each week where he has made several accomplishments in making the change happen. Good luck

[Anonymous]

Thanks, all. OP here. So far it's going OK, and he seems to be making friends. The biggest challenge this week has been the shift in schedule. The bus comes at 7 at a stop that's kind of a hike from our house. It's a LONG day when you factor in aftercare. Trying to change my schedule so I can pick him up sooner and we're not too fried and cranky at the end of the day/in the morning. I appreciate all the feedback.

[Anonymous]

Any chance you can organize a back-to-school potluck for his class/grade? Maybe at the school or a local park? You probably aren't the only family in that position.

Our school has had class potlucks at the beginning of the year for the past two years and we'll probably do it again this year too. It was started by one parent, but now every grade does it. It's nice to see other families again and catch up after the summer. I think it's especially nice for new families - a good way to start to feel included.

Good luck.