When and how to engage preschool teacher wrt problem kid

[Anonymous]

Hello. We are 3 weeks into preschool at a new school. My 4 year old has told me multiple times about one kid doing and saying stuff to her she doesn’t like. It has ranged from saying she’s dead and he’s going to kill her to pushing her. We’ve told her to tell him to stop and tell her teacher, but I’m looking for advice on when and how should I engage the teacher directly? Conversation at drop off? Send a message through the app? Would love some advice.

[Anonymous]

Immediately?
Or tell her to punch the boy in the tummy as hard as she can the next time he does it after she tells him to stop. She's too little to do any real damage but the shock of it will make the bully stop and be scared and cry.

[Anonymous]

I would send a message to her teacher and ask for a quick chat at her convenience. Unfortunately it’s probably stuff he is hearing at home/video games/movies but you do not want it to escalate. Especially with him pushing. You need to figure out if he’s aggressive to all children or if he needs to be separated from your daughter in particular. Pushing without an immediate trigger (took his toy, etc) is pretty odd at that age so it should be addressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would send a message to her teacher and ask for a quick chat at her convenience. Unfortunately it’s probably stuff he is hearing at home/video games/movies but you do not want it to escalate. Especially with him pushing. You need to figure out if he’s aggressive to all children or if he needs to be separated from your daughter in particular. Pushing without an immediate trigger (took his toy, etc) is pretty odd at that age so it should be addressed.

Thanks. I sent a note and feel much better to have raised it. My daughter doesn’t even really understand what he was saying other than knowing it was bad, but was still bothered by it. And it wasn’t the first time he has done something that bothered her.

[Anonymous]

If that child is doing that to her, he might be doing worse to other kids. Bullies only understand force in return.
Then again he might just like her, and is a child and awkward about expressing it, and your kid might be misunderstanding it all and causing a conflict?
Cannot take a child's word to the bank. They are still children and see reality differently.

[Anonymous]

We have the exact same issue (even the “dead” comments!) and I told the teacher the next morning after I found out.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry this happened to your daughter.

If it happens again start documenting in email to the teacher. If it continues pat that forward to the principal and keep emailing. It’s not ok how schools turn a blind eye to young kids who exhibit early signs of inappropriate behaviors.

[Anonymous]

Um, I would call the school director. Those are disturbing things for a 4 year old to be saying.

[Anonymous]

Definitely email the teacher and schedule a time to discuss. Email first, so you have a written record. We had a boy in DS’s preschool class using this language towards him. The school actually reported it proactively to us; DS’s teacher met with us and let us know that a student had been using “kill” and other such language, so that we would be aware and not alarmed if DS said anything (which he did, of course). They assured us they met with the student’s parents and that they would deal with it appropriately. We didn’t hear any further reports after that, but we appreciated the school taking the initiative to keep us informed.