Letting go

[Anonymous]

My twins are seniors and sometimes I struggle with what to help/not help with. It's everything from them coming for advice to reminded them to do things to college stuff. Does anyone else struggle with this? I worry that if I step back too much it may result in bad outcomes.

[Anonymous]

Yes I too struggle with this.
I keep telling myself that i’m doing my senior a disservice if I hover, helicopter etc…
She’s mature and gets she’s now pretty much in-charge of her life.

My younger teen - a boy - is a totally different animal. I can’t imagine doing a post where I say yes - Johnny is mature and in-charge of his life - anytime soon

[Anonymous]

My kid has adhd which means that if I let things go, nothing will get done. I’m really worried about how they’ll manage once they’re alone in college. But kid reassures me that they’ll manage just fine when I won’t be there breathing down their neck all the time. We’ll see…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I too struggle with this.
I keep telling myself that i’m doing my senior a disservice if I hover, helicopter etc…
She’s mature and gets she’s now pretty much in-charge of her life.

My younger teen - a boy - is a totally different animal. I can’t imagine doing a post where I say yes - Johnny is mature and in-charge of his life - anytime soon

I feel like when I don't meddle, they are fine 90% of the time, but the 10% can be very bad. For instance last year in the fall, I was letting ds be in charge of after school band rehearsals...He didn't go to several (not on purpose, just didn't look at calendar) and got a zero! So I started just keeping track for him. This year with college, I am finding that he has done a lot, but he was telling me that he wasn't going to write the optional essay for his top choice. I looked that up today and it says it is "strongly advised" to write it. So I am going to nag about it. It's a very uncomfortable spot and like taking several step backs in terms of how I parent. In younger grades I did less than I did now, but the stakes were lower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes I too struggle with this.
I keep telling myself that i’m doing my senior a disservice if I hover, helicopter etc…
She’s mature and gets she’s now pretty much in-charge of her life.

My younger teen - a boy - is a totally different animal. I can’t imagine doing a post where I say yes - Johnny is mature and in-charge of his life - anytime soon

I feel like when I don't meddle, they are fine 90% of the time, but the 10% can be very bad. For instance last year in the fall, I was letting ds be in charge of after school band rehearsals...He didn't go to several (not on purpose, just didn't look at calendar) and got a zero! So I started just keeping track for him. This year with college, I am finding that he has done a lot, but he was telling me that he wasn't going to write the optional essay for his top choice. I looked that up today and it says it is "strongly advised" to write it. So I am going to nag about it. It's a very uncomfortable spot and like taking several step backs in terms of how I parent. In younger grades I did less than I did now, but the stakes were lower.

You didn't let him learn his lesson. Lessons aren't always learned until the consequence actually happens.
And some kids may need multiple failures and disappointments to finally choose to not let it happen again.