Time alone in the house?

[Anonymous]

I WFH, DH doesn’t. Recently he mentioned that he never has the house to himself, either I’m always here or the kids are home, and then pointed out that I enjoy the house alone five days week. And while that’s not exactly true—I am working—there is a little truth to his complaint; I definitely do have the house to myself and confess that I do take advantage of that. I’ve had music blaring in the background while I work, moved my laptop to the coffee table to catch something on TV, just enjoyed the peace and quiet of my own home.

So a few times since then I’ve taken the kids out of the house on weekends for a couple hours, to let DH experience the house alone, because I get it, it’s nice! But again today he complained that someone is always here, and now I’m thinking, “Yeah, you and literally everyone else with kids and a spouse!”

So what do you all think, what else could I be doing? Am I doing enough?

[Anonymous]

Have you asked him what he needs? Like how much time, or days/hours? Or to clarify and explain?

[Anonymous]

This does not sound like a happy marriage or family. A parent should be happy to come home at least to the children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked him what he needs? Like how much time, or days/hours? Or to clarify and explain?

+1

[Anonymous]

I too would explicitly ask what it is that he needs or wants. Is he looking for a full day to himself? A weekend to himself?

[Anonymous]

Husband sounds immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked him what he needs? Like how much time, or days/hours? Or to clarify and explain?

I haven’t, that’s why I’m here first.

In his defense, he has been quite stressed during a transition at work. But I don’t know what more I could offer that would be fair to both of us. I could take the kids away for a fun weekend, but that’s only one weekend, not a permanent solution.

[Anonymous]

We are flipped and i rarely get time alone in the house and miss it teribly. Days dh goes into the office - once a week, i sometimes take 1/2 off of clandestine WFH just to be here alone. He also takes kids to the playground sometimes on the weekend without me. So i totally get it! I love my house and want to be in it without anyone else. Although when its just my oldest its mostly ok as shes 8 and usually has her nose in a book for 40 min if i let her.

[Anonymous]

My DH used to complain about this. It was during his midlife crisis, depressed years. It did pass by age 47. I used to travel for work for 2-3 days at a time every month or so, but kid was still home with him. He literally wanted me to concoct personal travel with son in the summer and weekends (on top of my 60 day a week, seven figure job) so he could have alone time in the house. It was irrational and I’m glad it passed. He was definitely having a depressed, down spell for a few years around age 45

[Anonymous]

I understand him, especially if he's stressed out. Just ask him how much time and when, and try to work something out. It's a small ask, in the big scheme of things, OP.

[Anonymous]

Ask if he’d like you to give him once a week for two hours or what.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH used to complain about this. It was during his midlife crisis, depressed years. It did pass by age 47. I used to travel for work for 2-3 days at a time every month or so, but kid was still home with him. He literally wanted me to concoct personal travel with son in the summer and weekends (on top of my 60 day a week, seven figure job) so he could have alone time in the house. It was irrational and I’m glad it passed. He was definitely having a depressed, down spell for a few years around age 45

With a 7 figure income it seems like it would be way easier to have a bigger house with a finished basement and say one day a month hire a babysitter to deal with the kids and give him a day alone.

[Anonymous]

I think his ask is understandable. The issue is figuring out the logistics of it. Figure out what his no holds barred “wish list” is and then work downward from there to something realistic. Ask how much money he is willing to spend on it; can you go away one weekend or one night a month with the kids?

[Anonymous]

I get alone time when kid is at school because I’m on shift work. Spouse does too. It’s super important to me but not quite as important to spouse.
Talk to your DH about realistic expectations. He is entitled to what he asked but also has a family so needs to have realistic expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH used to complain about this. It was during his midlife crisis, depressed years. It did pass by age 47. I used to travel for work for 2-3 days at a time every month or so, but kid was still home with him. He literally wanted me to concoct personal travel with son in the summer and weekends (on top of my 60 day a week, seven figure job) so he could have alone time in the house. It was irrational and I’m glad it passed. He was definitely having a depressed, down spell for a few years around age 45

With a 7 figure income it seems like it would be way easier to have a bigger house with a finished basement and say one day a month hire a babysitter to deal with the kids and give him a day alone.

He got days home alone all the time. We both wfh, so if I was work traveling, he was home all day by himself. And I would often take ds out for a a few hours on Saturday and leave dh home by himself. And I had a moderate social life back the (we were new to the area) so probably went out once a month and left him home alone. But dh literally wanted like a full week, including weekend, where we weren’t there so he could be alone. It was totally irrational, and that’s why I say it was depression related and honestly it wasn’t a reasonable request. Fast forward five years and just to use an example, we’re currently renovated our home and staying in a family condo for six months to that’s only two bedrooms (but free! Saving us $6000 a month!) and everything is great, no problems from dh despite us being completely on top of each other. It was really a mental thing that wouldn’t have been solved by a basement.