What family history questions to ask uncle with dementia?

[Anonymous]

My uncle is the last surviving sibling of my Dad’s family?

He is in and out of lucidity, but frequently talks about his time growing up.

I would love to ask him questions about his times as a kid with my dad.

What do you wish you asked your elderly relatives?

[Anonymous]

I would ask for stories about your grandparents and great-grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Thanks. His grandparents are from Ireland.that’s a good idea. See what he says about going to their home growing up

They had a little compound, with her sisters living nearby and all their cousins there.

That’s a great idea.

[Anonymous]

I'd ask about locations, times, names if he's still lucid, mainly facts. Gather info about as many relatives as you could. Not sure there's much to tell about a time as a kid. Think what you yourself would like to be asked, would you have much to tell about your time as a kid?

[Anonymous]

Consider recording your conversations

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My uncle is the last surviving sibling of my Dad’s family?

He is in and out of lucidity, but frequently talks about his time growing up.

I would love to ask him questions about his times as a kid with my dad.

What do you wish you asked your elderly relatives?

Record everything because what seems insignificant now may be very meaningful later. This also enables you to be fully engaged with him, and doesn’t interrupt his train of thought while you stop to write something down. The more open ended questions you ask, the more information you are likely to get. If you have old photographs, you can use those as prompts. When you do try for direct answers, be careful to keep it light. If he becomes stressed, it will be upsetting and you won’t get your answers.

If you live close, visit frequently. Be willing to listen to a lot of repetition. You never know when a new revelation may come.

[Anonymous]

Getting a coffee table book with nice pictures of where she grew up was helpful for us. It really jogged her memory.

This might sound crazy but smells bring back memories. We used to have an oil lamp that had the faintest kerosene residue, and it really got the stories flowing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Getting a coffee table book with nice pictures of where she grew up was helpful for us. It really jogged her memory.

This might sound crazy but smells bring back memories. We used to have an oil lamp that had the faintest kerosene residue, and it really got the stories flowing.

That is not crazy at all. Science has your back on the connection between scent and memory. I can’t believe I never thought of that in this context before. Excellent idea!

[Anonymous]

Also music! Find out his favorite music genre/era/artists and play it for him. Will also get him in a reminiscing mood.

[Anonymous]

This is amazing! Thank you!!

He lived close to a Lithuanian club, so he would hear polka music all the time growing up. I play it for him when I am there.

Smells are a great idea too. I will have to find out what he would like. His nephew lived with him and and would know.

Thank you so much!

[Anonymous]

ooh the smell of my grandpa's pipes....

These are great ideas.

One thing you could ask is about fighting since he'll have lots of memories about boy siblings having fights (sibling fights of course)

also holidays. my dad can go on and on about christmas as a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is amazing! Thank you!!

He lived close to a Lithuanian club, so he would hear polka music all the time growing up. I play it for him when I am there.

Smells are a great idea too. I will have to find out what he would like. His nephew lived with him and and would know.

Thank you so much!

Cook up some kruvaine and you'll probably get him talking.

My great-grandfather once ate a freshly baked kolaczki and came out with a tale of being chased by a stork across a field in Poland.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting a coffee table book with nice pictures of where she grew up was helpful for us. It really jogged her memory.

This might sound crazy but smells bring back memories. We used to have an oil lamp that had the faintest kerosene residue, and it really got the stories flowing.

That is not crazy at all. Science has your back on the connection between scent and memory. I can’t believe I never thought of that in this context before. Excellent idea!

Yes it works with various smells, but the smell of kerosene is so rare in this day and age. My mom was so smart-- she did it on purpose, lit the lamp and had people guess what the smell was. Of course nobody could guess it except the oldest generation, who knew immediately and was eager to enlighten the kids. Another time she brought my grandpa a lump of bituminous coal to hold and smell, and we got a lot of stories that time too. And most importantly it made the old folks happy.

[Anonymous]

I was just thinking the other day about all the things I wish I’d asked my dad about. I had such a lovely night with him the week before he died when he started telling all kinds of stories I’d never heard before.

I’d start with the mundane. What did your family eat for dinner growing up? First job? Games he and your dad played? I’d ask about his mom, and how she spent her time.

[Anonymous]

Wonderful suggestions. Thank you so much!!! I’m looking forward to hearing more about this stuff you suggested.

Thank you again!