Remarriages

[Anonymous]

They say wealthy married college educated couples are less likely to divorce. So those who do, are they more likely to get remarried, and stay married?

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2014/11/14/chapter-2-the-demographics-of-remarriage/

Looking for personal anecdotes.

[Anonymous]

Probably not. They stay married for a reason: finances. When you reach a certain level of assets ownership it will take some major unforgivable event to test those finances apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Probably not. They stay married for a reason: finances. When you reach a certain level of assets ownership it will take some major unforgivable event to test those finances apart.

My question is for those who DO divorce (like me).

[Anonymous]

Married for over 10 years. Both well educated and high income earners. It didn’t work out. Both of us have remarried — it’s been over 5 years.

[Anonymous]

As far as I can tell, this study just looks at the thumbs-up-thumbs-down numbers of re-marriages between 1960 and 2013. For various reasons, I don't think that data can be as easily extrapolated to re-marriages post-2013 as the economic factors are pretty different at this point in time than anywhere during the study's evaluation period.

I also did not see anything about what counts as a successful re-marriage. Is it duration? How is it measured? I've been married to my second husband for 12 years (vs. 4 years in both of our first marriages), which feels like a successful marriage to me, but maybe to some people, that's not long enough.

I think in general, when people marry for security, they are less inclined to jeopardize that security by divorcing. It does not really matter to me whether those people are marrying for the first time or the second time. This was not my experience as that's not why I remarried.

[Anonymous]

Doubtful. It's the failure of the first marriage (total) and then all subsequent marriages are at an increased rate for divorce, exponentially. Higher risk.

Anecdotal evidence is completely useless, btw.

[Anonymous]

I dont have an answer because my anecdotes are polar opposites and all over the spectrum.

I know people who view a second marriage as a do-over and are MILITANT about getting remarried. They feel they failed at m1 so want to go all in on m2.

I know people who, after divorce, are financially shy about sharing with another spouse. They say they are happy to date/cohabitate but dont feel the need to combine finances or get legally married.

I know people who just don't like to be alone, and are on third and fourth marriages.

Honestly, I think option 2 is probably the healthiest, at least out of the divorcees in my circle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont have an answer because my anecdotes are polar opposites and all over the spectrum.

I know people who view a second marriage as a do-over and are MILITANT about getting remarried. They feel they failed at m1 so want to go all in on m2.

I know people who, after divorce, are financially shy about sharing with another spouse. They say they are happy to date/cohabitate but dont feel the need to combine finances or get legally married.

I know people who just don't like to be alone, and are on third and fourth marriages.

Honestly, I think option 2 is probably the healthiest, at least out of the divorcees in my circle.

I have seen similar dynamics in my circle as well. I am divorced and I am impressed with people who want to give it another shot. And I say this without sarcasm. It certainly takes dedication and strong belief in oneself to think the 2nd time may work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doubtful. It's the failure of the first marriage (total) and then all subsequent marriages are at an increased rate for divorce, exponentially. Higher risk.

Anecdotal evidence is completely useless, btw.

Anecdotal evidence may be useless, but absent data on the successful remarriage rates of divorced college couples, that's all I will be able to find...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doubtful. It's the failure of the first marriage (total) and then all subsequent marriages are at an increased rate for divorce, exponentially. Higher risk.

Anecdotal evidence is completely useless, btw.

Anecdotal evidence may be useless, but absent data on the successful remarriage rates of divorced college couples, that's all I will be able to find...

Your analysis is lame. It’s character shaming.

Have you noticed how we always pass around the articles about the poor people who win the lottery only to lose it all! It’s bc poor people can’t be trusted with money!

Same with people who mess uo the business of love! Don’t waste your time, they will dwindle it like a lottery windfall. It’s all nonsense stories about trust and confidence.

[Anonymous]

Second marriage for one fo us, first for the other, been married over 20 years. It can work.

[Anonymous]

Married for 10 years. Divorced almost 5 years ago. Neither of us will ever remarry. Keeping money for our kids only is too important.

[Anonymous]

I know four divorced people who remarried.

1 is happy. 2nd husband's first marriage. Ex-H is on 3rd marriage now. They have a sweet "ours" baby who gets along great with much older sib.

1 is only a few years in. He married the AP because he got her pregnant, leading to messy divorces for both. They have since had a 2nd "ours" baby. Can't say whether it will last but this is no model for anyone. Only child on one side was very messed up by this.

1 that got divorced within 3 years. Married a divorced guy with kids. Their families did not blend well. Fiasco.

1 with teens who married a divorced co-worker with a teen (not an affair). They are doing well. Lots in common.

[Anonymous]

Get remarried and lose my very nice alimony? It will not happen as that would be a gift to my ex that he doesn’t deserve. His much younger AP left him and I’m the one with a somewhat younger BF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married for over 10 years. Both well educated and high income earners. It didn’t work out. Both of us have remarried — it’s been over 5 years.

Did you each remarry high earners or no?