Wdyt: do spirited political debates = fighting?

[Anonymous]

I’m curious as to what people think about this. DH and I went to college together where engaging in political debates was kind of a form of flirtation for us (nerd alert, I know). We’ve mostly fallen out of the habit since Trump (since we are both anti) but from time to time, we’ll still get into it. He leans conservative, I lean liberal. Tonight we were talking about the border crisis and it got a little loud.

Anyway, our teen came down to tell us to “stop fighting.” We explained that we weren’t fighting, we were debating. It might sound weird to people who hate politics or think it’s boring but we’ve always enjoyed debating as a kind of intellectual or rhetorical exercise and truly do not take it personally. We actually tease and laugh a lot while talking this way. Does this sound believable? Does anyone else relate to what I am saying? We explained it to DS (without the mention of flirtation of course) and he seemed to accept it but wdyt: does loud debating = fighting to kids?

[Anonymous]

You guys should start a podcast.

[Anonymous]

I like the advice that it’s less important if your kids see argue and more important that they see how you make up

[Anonymous]

Our teens know the difference between debating with spirit and arguing.

[Anonymous]

I know a couple like that and it’s REALLY uncomfortable to watch.

I’d also be worried that your son will pick up it’s okay to do that to women he dates, who liekly won’t find it flirtatious or endearing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a couple like that and it’s REALLY uncomfortable to watch.

I’d also be worried that your son will pick up it’s okay to do that to women he dates, who liekly won’t find it flirtatious or endearing.

Np. What’s wrong with it? My husband and I love to debate politics too. Most people we know do, actually. No one takes it personally. It’s all about winning the intellectual argument, playing devil’s advocate if need be, etc.

[Anonymous]

Does he call you a “bleeding heart liberal?” I remember my dad calling my mom that when I was a kid.

[Anonymous]

I think current teens are still a little shook (below the surface) by their parents absolutely losing their sh!+ when Trump won in2016 (I include myself in this group!) so they might be sensitive to political disagreements in a way that older people aren’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a couple like that and it’s REALLY uncomfortable to watch.

I’d also be worried that your son will pick up it’s okay to do that to women he dates, who liekly won’t find it flirtatious or endearing.

Np. What’s wrong with it? My husband and I love to debate politics too. Most people we know do, actually. No one takes it personally. It’s all about winning the intellectual argument, playing devil’s advocate if need be, etc.

It is fighting. If you sound like a DCUM post, you are fighting. If you are not sharing actual true new information with your partner, but just trading gotchas and well what abouts back and forth, no one's mind is being provided info required for change and you are just airing out grievances, and that is annoying to hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a couple like that and it’s REALLY uncomfortable to watch.

I’d also be worried that your son will pick up it’s okay to do that to women he dates, who liekly won’t find it flirtatious or endearing.

Np. What’s wrong with it? My husband and I love to debate politics too. Most people we know do, actually. No one takes it personally. It’s all about winning the intellectual argument, playing devil’s advocate if need be, etc.

+1 he shouldn't frame his whole.personality around being "endearing on dates" as long as he's a good kind person on the inside.

[Anonymous]

Spirited debate is fine if you're not calling names or demeaning each other. But getting "loud" enough to bring a kid down from upstairs to tell you to stop fighting is a mess.

If you really aren't upset with each other but rather consider the shouting matches foreplay, don't do it where your kids have to witness it. Or houseguests, or strangers, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a couple like that and it’s REALLY uncomfortable to watch.

I’d also be worried that your son will pick up it’s okay to do that to women he dates, who liekly won’t find it flirtatious or endearing.

My husband and I also got to know each other through primarily political debates.

The idea that women won’t like it is borderline sexist. Women enjoy politics too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a couple like that and it’s REALLY uncomfortable to watch.

I’d also be worried that your son will pick up it’s okay to do that to women he dates, who liekly won’t find it flirtatious or endearing.

My husband and I also got to know each other through primarily political debates.

The idea that women won’t like it is borderline sexist. Women enjoy politics too.

+1

That response is really weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a couple like that and it’s REALLY uncomfortable to watch.

I’d also be worried that your son will pick up it’s okay to do that to women he dates, who liekly won’t find it flirtatious or endearing.

Np. What’s wrong with it? My husband and I love to debate politics too. Most people we know do, actually. No one takes it personally. It’s all about winning the intellectual argument, playing devil’s advocate if need be, etc.

It is fighting. If you sound like a DCUM post, you are fighting. If you are not sharing actual true new information with your partner, but just trading gotchas and well what abouts back and forth, no one's mind is being provided info required for change and you are just airing out grievances, and that is annoying to hear.

To you maybe but not to the millions of people who enjoy political punditry. You know that’s a whole industry right?

[Anonymous]

If both parties are enjoying it and feel respected, it’s fine. Let DS know it’s excitement and not conflict, but try to keep the volume down a bit for his sake.