Wedding gift reciprocity

[Anonymous]

If you were married first, do you gift the couple a similar amount to what they gifted you? What if it was low or no gift? Assume similar expenses for travel.

[Anonymous]

Oh god lol was I supposed to keep track of that? I can’t live like this. It was hard enough to write all the thank you notes (but I did, mom!). Knock wood I won’t have a second wedding, but if I do it will be “no gifts please.”

[Anonymous]

Also just putting this out to the universe - if I forgot to give you a wedding gift or it was the “wrong” amount or format, I’m sorry. I just made a mistake! Probably I got distracted while I was clicking on spoons and towels and aiming for $250 or the check out for your honeymoon didn’t have Apple Pay and I meant to come back later and forgot. I’m sorry!! I love you. Happy wedding.

[Anonymous]

It depends. Were you friends barely out of college and not making much money? Have you been married a decade? Is your wife invited vs a single invite? Basically, give a gift (I would never go empty handed).

[Anonymous]

You have a year to give people a wedding gift. So what I do is I bring a tiny, discrete scale to the reception, and I weigh the steak and also the cake. You can put that in a little calculator online and find out the appropriate gift amount. Works great!

[Anonymous]

I give gifts based on my current situation. So when my friend in our group of four best friends from college got married at 24, we gifted her things we could afford at the time. When another one got married at 34, she got better gifts because our incomes were all much larger. I think reciprocity like you're suggesting sounds like a tit for tat situation, which I personally dislike.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I give gifts based on my current situation. So when my friend in our group of four best friends from college got married at 24, we gifted her things we could afford at the time. When another one got married at 34, she got better gifts because our incomes were all much larger. I think reciprocity like you're suggesting sounds like a tit for tat situation, which I personally dislike.

I think closeness matters too, a lot of my dear friends at 24 I’m less close with now after having kids so I’d be less inclined to be overly generous.

[Anonymous]

There are a few at the extremes that are quite memorable. If someone was very generous to us or now, our children, yes, I spent more on their gift (or for their kids). At the low end, there are only a few, but one couple gave us two dish towels and another set of three couples (older parents and two of their children who were married) went together to purchase a single spoon from our silver. At the time (early 90s), it was about $11 split between the three couples. At the time I wished that I could have returned the spoon and refunded their money so that I didn't have to write three Thank You notes. Yeah, I would probably remember those if invited to a wedding in their family.

[Anonymous]

It depends on how you want to live your life. Do you want to go through it measuring out everything everybody gave you, good or bad? Or do you want to just give what you can and what you think is right for your situation?

[Anonymous]

DCUM: Please take a moment to google the definition of the word "gift."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are a few at the extremes that are quite memorable. If someone was very generous to us or now, our children, yes, I spent more on their gift (or for their kids). At the low end, there are only a few, but one couple gave us two dish towels and another set of three couples (older parents and two of their children who were married) went together to purchase a single spoon from our silver. At the time (early 90s), it was about $11 split between the three couples. At the time I wished that I could have returned the spoon and refunded their money so that I didn't have to write three Thank You notes. Yeah, I would probably remember those if invited to a wedding in their family.

The silver spoon was clearly a rude message, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a few at the extremes that are quite memorable. If someone was very generous to us or now, our children, yes, I spent more on their gift (or for their kids). At the low end, there are only a few, but one couple gave us two dish towels and another set of three couples (older parents and two of their children who were married) went together to purchase a single spoon from our silver. At the time (early 90s), it was about $11 split between the three couples. At the time I wished that I could have returned the spoon and refunded their money so that I didn't have to write three Thank You notes. Yeah, I would probably remember those if invited to a wedding in their family.

The silver spoon was clearly a rude message, no?

Truly, at a certain point no gift would be better.

[Anonymous]

For one friend who gave us a noticeably and memorably huge amount, we did give her an extra $200 more than usual when it came time for her wedding.

[Anonymous]

I come from a culture where families would keep meticulous notes of wedding gifts down to the last penny and then reciprocate exactly. I usually pick something mid-range from the registry when I gift.

[Anonymous]

Yeah it’s really weird to learn how some people really stray from the basic wedding gift. It takes thought and purpose to go off registry and gift some of the random stuff you already have in our attic or something that was $5 at TJ Maxx. It definitely made me see these people differently!